You can't take the Midwest out of the girl...

For the last few days I have been feeling more homesick than usual. Perhaps it’s the number of birthdays I’m missing in the end of April, the fact that I know spring is looking toward summer days in America, or that I’ve actually been busy and unable to really reflect on things until they jump out and surprise me. Whatever the reasons, I’m missing home to a higher degree than I’ve ever felt in all my time living away from home.

Feeling homesick to me is like having a major part of yourself not in sync. You feel out of step, out of place, left behind. That part of you is still attached to somewhere across the ocean and the connecting thread is being played like a guitar string, lurching and swaying, it pulls you off course. For me, the feeling of homesickness is being able to close my eyes and the first thing I see is open highway with the cattle grazing fields stretching out to the horizon. It’s seeing Buffalo Wild Wings and Hollywood 14 theaters. The taillights and streetlights on Wannamaker Boulevard. The long drive up to North Topeka past all the familiar turn-offs and houses, signs and sights that I always thought trivial but are a part of where I come from.

A lot of this recent bought of homesickness is just missing the people in my life. Usually most of the ache is for Colt, a feeling that I have long come to terms with even though it never really gets any better. But this thing lately is a lot bigger than that. Missing him is there, sure, it always is. The last few days, though, I’ve been missing my mom, my dad, Jeni and Stephen, Oliver, Zach and Lucas, Skyler, and especially Josh. My family. Maybe it’s because I feel like we’re once again on some sort of transitional brink and I cannot be there to be a part of it. Maybe it’s because Zach is a teenager now which seems like some overwhelming dive off a cliff into new territory, a slap in the face to how fast time really has gone by. A lot of it is Josh, making big decisions about his future. How I wish I could be there to be a part of those choices. For me, a lot of homesickness often feels suspiciously like guilt. It’s been five years since I’ve lived in Kansas for any length of time and my family dynamic has learned to function without me in it. Of course that’s exactly what is supposed to happen when you grow up. But I feel left out so often, forgotten. And then I just feel guilty when I realize it’s my own fault.

I miss my friends, too. My college friends in a different way from my high school friendships that I have maintained and the new home friendships I’ve built. There’s an assumed fierce independence with my college friends. We’re all out doing amazing awesome things like Teach for America and law school. We don’t really have time to be overly sentimental. We all come from very different regions in the world, too, so there’s no guarantee that our long distance friendships will ever be more than that. There’s a few people I really miss, but college is different than those friendships built up and kept strong for ten years or more.

A lot of my high school friends are also doing amazing things. Graduations, getting real live grown-up jobs, getting married, having babies. Most of those friendships are either strong enough to not worry about too much or have faded over the years of me being so far away from home. A few have rekindled after a few years of absenteeism. Several I have just plain neglected. I’ve also built a few new friendships, mostly through Colt, but still important to me, especially looking to the future (Sydney!). Right now I’m really missing Jen, Aaron, Megan, and Mal. I found some old photos of us from the fall of 2008 and was in tears. I’m not a super sentimental person, but I miss just hanging out and being ridiculous. I’ve never had to pretend to be anyone I wasn’t for them. Finding friendships like that is rarer than you might think and I’m realizing that I’ve taken them for granted for a long time.

The people and the places make up the part of me still tied to Kansas. I facebook surf every few days and am constantly reminded of the way it feels to be home, doing the simple things that just don’t exist here and aren’t missed until they’re gone. So I’m taking stock right now! Here’s what I miss most about home:

Meeting a friend for coffee at starbucks, getting dinner at a bar and grill, BWW, good wine, driving through the countryside with the windows rolled down and the radio blaring, playing on a playground, Gage park, the early Italian brunch at Paisano’s with Colt, Papa Murphy’s cheese pizza, sushi from HyVee, walking up Mass Ave in Lawrence, incense, air conditioning, fresh cut grass, sunflowers, Mallory and Zach and their awesome house, going for a long run in crisp morning air, Chipotle, movie theater popcorn, the fluffy, cuddling, Colt’s mischievous smile, premade clothes and department store smells, Candyopolis, Taco Bell cheesy bean and rice burritos, youtube videos on mom’s iphone with Zach and Lucas, my living room and the people sitting in it, cooking with a full kitchen, cupcakes, making cookies with the kids, visiting Wichita and seeing Jeni and Stephen and Oliver and Dad, playing in Dad’s lab, champagne, Aaron Dean Senne, Juice Stop blueberry and banana smoothies, feeling cold, kisses, Barnes and Nobel, easy internet access, quiche and salad at Annie’s with Sydney, sexy cars, the fabulous Megan Greening and Olive Garden lunches with my favorite ladies, girl talk with Kira, dinners at Colt’s parents house, laying out looking up at the stars in the summer, Kansas sunsets, political protests and civic action, super Walmart and giant Dillons, Skyler and the Sunflower house, everything else about Lawrence, my amazing mom, high heels, wearing contacts and dressing up, feeling clean from head to toe, Jennifer Long, anonymity, football on TV, Cold Stone Creamery, fake meat, cheese, the apartment, Dan and Nick, video games, watching Netflix movies with dinner, enchiladas, snow, Josh and his leather jacket, open fields surrounded by old barbed wire fences, antiques, the way my house smells like home, everything else about Colt Sellens.

I wanted to leave Kansas for so long, to get out, get over the rainbow. I wanted so badly to do the great things I am doing now in Africa, live how I am living with the people I have made my friends. I don’t regret my choices, but I am surprised at how much I feel connected to America, to Kansas. It’s almost like I never expected to feel pride at calling where I come from “home,” but I am proud and I really do miss it with more intensity than I ever have or thought I would. I think I’m growing up a little bit, appreciating my background a little more, giving more credit to the people and the place that made me who I am. That doesn’t mean I ever want to actually live in Topeka again. But being close enough to visit sounds pretty okay to me.

Birthday and more

Tuesday, September 21st

Well I made it safe and sound to Djougou and am now typing this entry in my guest bedroom of my lovely pink abode. The master bedroom is not yet ready as I still have to purchase a grand mattress to fit my new grand bed frame. I’m really excited because the double bed mosquito net is BLUE!

I don’t have a lot of computer battery left and I’m nervous about charging my computer before I actually get a surge protector. The electricity here has been pretty spotty and cuts in and out at random. The water seems pretty regular, though, which is lovely when it’s hot as hell and I can just go hop in my awesome tiled shower out back.

Ok, I plugged in the computer…hopefully nothing crazy happens. I’m getting a protector as soon as Doug gets back to town and can help me discuter the price: I have no idea how expensive those things are.

Bad news first: the two fans that were left here do not work and so it is really freaking hot and I need to buy a fan tomorrow. Also bad news…I am sick again! Nothing crazy this time, just a fever and some aches and pains with general fatigue. I’m probably just dehydrated because my water filter broke and I’ve been boiling my water…but it doesn’t cool down for several hours and I’m lazy! But the fever is controllable with ibuprofen and I just finished watching DIE HARD so all is good in the world. And Peace Corps is sending me a new filter on the shuttle next week.

My birthday was surprisingly pleasant. I tried to cook for myself…ended up with a complete shit show of a cake…charred sugary mess…that I did indeed eat a bit of after I sung happy birthday to myself and blew out a candle that I bought for way too much money at Erevan. I spent the day rearranging my house and sweeping and making plans for my next menusier trip. I already ordered screen doors because damn, it’s hot and I want some natural light up in here! My guacamole was actually pretty damn good and today I made couscous, the dish so good they named it twice! I also did orange juice which was a wonderful decision especially with some lime squeezed in there, too. I talked to a lot of people who wished me a happy 23rd and the idea that I am closer to 30 than 13 is just starting to take form…along with the tiny wrinkle I totally have between my eyebrows. It was so nice to talk to everyone that called (Mom, Dad, Jeni, Alex, Mommoo, Colt (and Sydney, too: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADY) , as well as a bunch of other volunteers who graciously used their credit to call and/or text); THANK YOU all so much; you really made what could have been a really sad and lonely day an awesome, fun one!

I opened my only present that had arrived…my kickass awesome pathology textbook from dad. I’ve just about finished the chapter on neoplasia and I tell ya, I don’t think there are many things that get me so excited as do recurring translocations of certain chromatin protein genes. Thanks dad, best gift ever. As to all you other known gift senders, thank you in advance! I’m sure I’ll get ‘em before October is out!

So some pretty sweet news: I have internet in my house (on occasion)! The wifi from my work seeps over into my living room sometimes and I can actually get two of five bars of reception! At first I thought I’d have to wait to get connected because I needed the security key…but I played around with the passwords and actually ended up guessing the right one! I felt like a kick ass computer hacker, haha. Unfortunately the internet is not actually working right now…but I am connected to it at least. Oh, Africa. I think it might just be too late right now and the internet is off once people at the NGO leave work. I’ll try again in the morning, but I am super stoked right now! Even if it ends up not working for whatever reason, I will always remember how awesome I feel right now! Lol

The trip to Djougou was pretty eventful, so I guess I can recount a bit of that. We were supposed to leave Porto Novo at 6 in the morning, me and my closemate, Magda. Well, the taxi didn’t actually pick me up until 8 and than about five minutes after leaving my house, the car broke down. The driver fixed it about half an hour later and Magda and I just talked and waved at all the kids shouting ‘yovo’ at us as they walked by. Well, we made it around the block before the next breakdown happened. This time we ended up waiting for about an hour and a half before a Peace Corps official guy just happened to be driving by and saw us by the side of the road. He stopped and helped us figure out what to do and wished us “du courage.” An old random guy came up to the window and asked us to give him cent franc and I said “you give ME cent franc!” and he just laughed and stood there awkwardly for like five more minutes while Magda and I ignored him.

We made it out of Porto Novo by a little after 11, but then got stuck at the toll booth. Our driver explained that the guy at the window wanted extra money because of our bikes, which are very nice, expensive yovo bikes. Magda and I were like HELL NO, we don’t do bribes…we don’t want to encourage corruption in this society! We have principles! So we waited in the now very present sun by the tollbooth and wondered how long we’d hold out. We ended up calling the same PC guy from before and he arrived about twenty minutes later in a hitchhiked car. He jumped out and the car kept on going toward Cotonou. He explained to us that our brilliant driver had forgotten the very normal and very legal fee for having luggage that was as tall as ours was piled up on top of the car. So no clichéd bribery attempts here, just plain old fashioned dumbass-ery. Now, that’s real Africa for ya.

The trip from then on out was relatively uneventful…except the breakdown in Bohicon and our driver’s random stop in a small village to purchase what we could only assume was a Beninoise…leaving it ambiguous as to whether or not that was the beer or the tanti. Interestingly, they just happen to be the same price…oooh, snap! Nothing like prostitute jokes on a hot African night!

So backup a little bit to swear in. We were at the ambassador’s house Friday morning and damn, it is nice, that is definitely what I want to be when I grow up. We listened to speeches in French and English, Fon, Bariba, and like two other random local languages that I don’t remember. Then we swore in as official volunteers (there was even a ’I will defend the constitution of the United States of America’ and a ‘so help me God’ in there; I felt like I was taking the Oath of Office). We then went to Erevan, spent way too much money on things we didn’t need (holy shit, that place was like a super Walmart…with vrai prices and some stuff that is actually nicer than Wally World…but I could be making that up, months without the conglomerate convenience could be shaping my perceptions). Then we headed back to PN for our night of debauchery, of which my legs are still store four days later. I got waaay too low on the dance floor and just a little bit drunk, but I don’t regret it, it was damn fun. I slept on the floor in Andrew and Krista’s hotel room and after some ibuprofen in the morning made it back to my host family’s house for packing. That afternoon I met some friends at Java Promo, the nicest and most expensive restaurant in Porto Novo (it’s actually sort of indoors or at least under a big awning) with the best food (mashed potatoes and a vrai salad!). I ended up staying there for 7 hours. Yes, 7 hours. Why you might ask? Well, around 2pm it began to rain and a few minutes after that it was raining harder than I thought it was possible for it to rain and it continued that pattern all afternoon. This intense rain of course keeps people from going out and about…which means there are no zems out either…which means I was stranded. For 7 hours! I actually ventured out at one point, just before ordering my second plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, but only made it about 5 minutes before I was soaked through and still zem-less. I cried a little and laughed a little, the tears just joining the rain. I am 98% sure I looked like a crazy person. So I returned to Java Promo, got a beer, and ate some more for a few more hours. It was actually pretty fun in a glass half-full sort of way. Just one of those completely unavoidable, uncontrollable situations that constantly happen here.

It really doesn’t do any good to be stressed out about stuff like that or to get angry. I’m shocked to say it, but I am already so much more patient than I ever was in the states. A lot of us just repeat to ourselves when shit starts going wrong (like the car breaking down in the middle of the bush, while it’s dark…and raining…and the windows don’t roll up on your taxi that you’ve been riding in for 14 hours on a trip that is supposed to take 7)…we just repeat “be like a boat…be like a boat.” What does a boat do? It goes with the flow…and that is really all you can do here in moments of desperation. It’s all very zen. And they said that only the Peace Corps volunteers from China come home spiritual! (The saying goes that PCVs in Africa come home alcoholics, haha.)

So far the only real downside to my house is the just insane numbers of cockroaches. Unlike at my host family’s, the cockroaches here do not just stay in the bathroom…they pretty much wander around everywhere…and I am horrified to say it, they are actually bigger than the ones in Porto Novo. Like- where is the nuclear reactor?-big. But I’ve gotten strangely okay with the weird flat spiders that my host sister so memorably killed for me. They are ubiquitous here…and they eat a lot of the other annoying bugs, so I’m sort of just letting them be as long as they are on the walls and out of the way. I’ve only seen like three, so it’s not like my house is a spider haven or anything. I swept the place today and I think I’m going to be like the Beninese and do so every day…or at least every other day or so. I think that’s the best way to prevent bugs and other critters from taking up residence with me.

As for my other neighbors, the human ones, I have two other connected houses in my concession and I’ve saluated a bit with some of the voisines (neighbors), but I think it’s just a bunch of men! I haven’t seen any women or kids in the concession, but maybe they’re just dutiful wives cooking all day. The house next to mine totally has a huge satellite dish and I’m pretty sure a baby mango spider (those are the rodent sized adults) is creating a web there. As long as it stays the fuck away from my house I do not care.

Well, Imorou is out of town until Saturday so I don’t think I’ll be going into work until next week…which is totally fine with me. I would like to get a little more settled and comfortable just walking around town before I have to worry about starting specific projects. Technically the first three months are supposed to be tame work wise, just getting to know the ONG and meeting work partners and going out with the sensibilization team to watch. It seems weird I guess, but I have absolutely no idea what I’ll actually be doing for the next two years. And even weirder is that the ambiguity doesn’t really bother me. I want to be here right now and as long as I can have regular phone sex, think I’ll be just fine.

E

PS. I’m not really sure who reads this thing…but I hope the occasional f-bomb and mentions of such activities as phone sex do not dissuade any readers. Someone please let me know if anyone under the age of 12 is reading and I’ll at least consider taking the sailor talk down a notch. kthxbai!


Wednesday, September 22nd

Well, I might have been a little hasty with the assumption of internet. Today the signal only came through for about an hour and even when it came through, it wasn’t actually working. Hopefully next week when I go into work I can get it figured out better. I would really like to get online! I’m way to lazy to go find a cyber right now.

Actually, I think I’m not lazy, but sick! I have been just feeling generally yucky now for over 24 hours. The fever went away, but then came back this evening, but not as high. It was only ever 100.4 anyway, which isn’t anything but a lowgrade fever anyway and the doctors wouldn’t do anything about it unless it lasts for like 4 days. I don’t really have any other symptoms besides ache-y fatigue that so often accompanies fever. I’m drinking enough now, so I’m not dehydrated beyond anything that’s normal. Oh well, ibuprofen helps. If it lasts through Friday I suppose I’ll call the PCMO.

Apparently one of my good friends here has to find a new post! Her homologue lied about having a house for her and now she has to stay with other volunteers until they find a new place for her to live. It’s crazy! Oh, Peace Corps.

Well, I vaguely have to pee, so I think I’m going to venture out into the darkness that is my backyard and try to avoid all the critters that come out at night. I don’t know why I can’t remember to pee before it gets dark!

E


Saturday, September 25th

Yeah, so the internet thing is definitely not going to work. It’s really frustrating because there is a tiny signal that comes through during the work day, but for some reason it has not actually been working. So I might need to get my own internet after all.

And speaking of internet, as soon as my computer charges up a bit more (yeah, I’ve clearly just been risking the electricity, although I AM going to buy a surge protector soon!), I am headed off to a cyber. I don’t really know where I’ll go, but I’m planning on just asking a zem driver to take me to one…who knows where I’ll end up?

I have been basically bored out of my mind for the last week. I’ve watched all the Die Hards, the Bourne Identities, Supremacies, and Ultimatums, finished 5 seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and gotten a quarter of the way through Alias season 1 before I decided that I didn’t really want to use up all of that entertainment before October. So I moved on to other things.

I have written a large majority of my personal statement for medical school. I can’t write all of it yet, though, because I still need to actually DO some health volunteer work before I can actually get those thoughts down. OMG I AM SO BORED

I’ve went to the marche a few times just to buy some random things like tomatoes and onions and bread. I went native yesterday and fried up some wagasi, but now I have like three quarters of a wheel left and I don’t really know how long it is safe to keep…and I am not really in the mood to eat wagasi like 3 days in a row. Plus, I splattered oil all over my kitchen and that stuff is really freaking annoying to clean up.

Tomorrow I’m doing laundry and washing all my dishes and sweeping again. The bug that is living on the cot in the spare bedroom must be invisible because I’ve moved all the stuff around and cannot find it, but I can still hear it at night, moving around. See what I mean? I totally have cabin fever. I need to go to work!

I have my big bed all ready to go, but still need to buy a mattress.

There is some species of giant wasp that has decided to make a nest in my little toilette room. So far I’ve been lucky and have not angered it with my peeing, but I seriously cannot be afraid of my toilette room. That is something that I really just cannot deal with. But there is no way in hell I am going to try to kill the wasp. No way in hell. I wonder how good at killing insects my neighbors are…perhaps I might need to make their acquaintance soon. Or maybe I’ll ask Doug to spray it with insecticide because, like I mentioned earlier, there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to be doing that. No, thanks.

I really miss vache qui rit that my host family gave me and I think I am going to go cherche for some of that today. After I find a cyber and post this ridiculous blog entry.

Oh, and I realized that I don’t have any sheets for a double bed anyway. Aaaargh! It’s going to be November before I actually move into the freaking master bedroom!

What exactly am I doing here, again??!

E

Voodoo and Foodoo

Friday, August 20

It is officially less than a month until my birthday and I have started counting down the days. I’m not really sure what I’m so excited about, though. My birthday just so happens to coincide with the exact day that I’ll be traveling up to my post after swear-in. It’s possible that it could end up being my first day at post, but either way it’s not exactly going to be a party. It will be hot and I’ll be exhausted and dirty from travel and I’m sure I won’t have everything I need to feel at home…and I’ll be all alone in a brand new city where I’m probably one of like 0.2% of people who speak English. I guess birthdays aren’t so special as to require a huge group of people celebrating my life or anything, but being totally alone seems sort of a bummer, too. I hope people call me, hint hint.

The language interview went well for me I think. I won’t know for sure what my level is for a few more days, but I know it went up at least one level. I doubt I’ll make it to intermediate high, but on va voir. It’s nice to feel like I can take a mini break and not worry about French for a couple days.

This weekend we’re all getting together and cooking some good old fashioned American food. We’re having fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese with banana bread for dessert. We were promised pizza for a few hours and I was especially excited due to the ridiculous amount of pizza I usually consume in the states, but mac and cheese is still a pretty awesome idea.

I cadeaux’d my can opener to my family today when Rico was opening up my can of peas. He was using a knife and it looked super dangerous, so I just ran and grabbed it and he was super stoked about it. I told him it was a gift for the fam and he definitely was into how easy it was to open up the peas.

I’ve been in kind of a bad mood for the last couple days and I just feel grumpy. I don’t really know why exactly…there’s nothing specific…but just little things seem to annoy me more and my food has not been tasting as good as usual. I think I might be a little sick, but I’m sort of just easily irritated, physically and emotionally. Like one mosquito bite was frustrating me way more than normal and certain little things that other people have done have been more irritating than perhaps the action truly was. I don’t know; I’m ready for a change soon. I like my host family, but I really just need to get to my post so I can figure out my own routine with my own food. I am also really frustrated with the quality of training that we’re getting. I don’t feel like I’m learning anything from the administrative staff and rather all my knowledge is coming from the PCVs. There just seems to be a lot of mix ups and confusion about scheduling and we always seem to be changing things around at the last minute. There have even been a couple things related to health that we’ve been told of which I’m not sure about the validity. I don’t know, I’m just annoyed right now and am really looking forward to week 7 when we go on our post visit!

There was a mini hope for Akon earlier in the week when Papa said he’d think about letting one of the older sisters go with me and then after we could stay at Maman’s sister’s house in Cotonou…but he hasn’t gotten back to me and since the concert is in less than a week, I don’t really foresee it happening.

Ramadan has started and the amount of prayer calls has increased by a large factor. Instead of just a few times a day, I’m pretty sure the pink mosque down the street does the call like every two hours now. I am probably going to keep Ramadan next year when I’m living in a predominantly Muslim area, but in Porto Novo it’s pretty commonplace to see people eating and drinking during the day just because of the large Christian population and no one thinks twice about a yovo doing the same.

Speaking of yovo habits, my beauty routine has changed considerably. Instead of make-up, I basically apply like four different white creams to my body twice daily. One is sunscreen. Another is benzoyl peroxide. Another is this anti-mosquito cream and if that fails, the fourth is hydrocortisone cream. I have all the tubes lined up on my little white plastic desk by my water filter and stack of health related books. And on that note, I really want that “Where There Is No Midwife” book that Jeni bought, but I never actually received. Does anyone know anything about this? Jeni?

I thought I had something else to say, but I don’t remember. TIA

E

Sunday, August 22

I started thinking about writing a book about my Peace Corps service. Since the Peace Corps owns everything I write while I’m here, I won’t be putting any of it up here on the blog because I’m not officially writing it yet. I’m envisioning it as having two main sections for each year of service and having it follow, chronologically, my time here. I’m actually going to include the application process and all the thoughts and decisions about choosing to go. In a really sappy turn of events, I am pretty sure it’s going to be a chronicling of having a super long term long distance relationship in addition to what will hopefully be entertaining snippets of my service here. I know that when I was considering the Peace Corps I read almost everything written by RPCVs and really wanted information about successfully maintaining a serious relationship with someone in the states. So I envision this book as being both informative, reassuring, and an enjoyable read. It always feels very self-involved to be writing something vaguely memoir-esque, but I’d like to think that my experiences here are both enough outside the norm and potentially helpful to others as to negate a little bit of self-aggrandizement. In addition to that book, I’m writing a bunch of Africa related short stories to maybe collect in one book as fiction and publish someday. And in addition to those, I’m continuing on my latest young adult novel about a girl living in the US, but who is actually a fairy princess from another realm. Good stuff. Plenty of things to keep me occupied for after swear-in when I’ll just be sitting around meeting new people before I can actually work.

I met the girl who I am replacing in Djougou and she was super nice and helpful about the house. I haven’t asked her too much about working with PSI yet, but she’s here during this week for training so I’ll definitely have the opportunity. PSI definitely pays for my electricity…so I will be getting a fridge for sure. Immediately after finding that out, I heard that Erevan, the huge yovo store in Cotonou, just so happens to have diet coke…so I will be bringing diet coke to my house in Djougou to get cold in my fridge. I am thinking that during the Chaleur this will be the best idea ever. I also found out about furniture. I will need to get a double bed frame made and possibly some dining room chairs, but that the house is basically completely furnished. She said that I have: a dresser, bedside table, chair for the bedroom, extra bed in the guest room, a cot, a futon like sofa, a coffee table and a dining room table with three chairs, but places for 6 people. So depending on what it looks like on post visit, I might be getting another relaxing chair for the living room and additions to the dining set. I am super happy though! It was pretty funny because she said that everyone always says that she’s spoiled and doesn’t have the “real Peace Corps experience” because the house is so nice, but that she didn‘t really mind missing out. Well, that’s okay with me, too!

Right now I am super hungry for protein. I want a huge glob of peanut butter and I am really regretting not buying some from the peanut butter lady at school yesterday. She’s always there with her jars during all our breaks, but I just decided to wait until Monday for some dumb reason. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter.

So last night Auro came out. Auro is a vodun (voodoo) spirit that comes out in the south of the country during certain times of the year. It is forbidden for a woman to see him; if she does, she will die. Men are supposed to avoid Auro, but nothing will happen if they see him. What happens when “Auro is out” is everyone makes sure they are home before dark and that all the lights are out (because he doesn’t like the light). When he comes by the house, you will know because there is a loud, creepy sound that surrounds the house. There might also be banging on windows and doors. But whatever you do, do not look outside or open the door if you are a woman. It seems sort of silly to us…clearly, “Auro” is just some dude dressed up making a lot of noise to freak people out. But there are actually some pretty serious consequences for not taking Auro seriously. Essentially, because people believe so strongly in the vodun, if a woman is known to have seen Auro, she can be murdered and it will be blamed on Auro. It’s a very subtle difference, but most people don’t even risk looking because of the strong superstition. There are actually some parts of the country where volunteer women are allowed to leave during the time of the year Auro is out because it’s just not safe to risk it. The fear of the community’s reaction to you seeing Auro and the fear of Auro himself become interestingly intertwined in a lot of volunteer’s minds it seems. It almost becomes something you believe in. Last night, for example, I made sure I was home before it was too dark and I asked my host sister when Auro would be out. She said if he came it would be around ten or eleven and that we’d be safe in the house because he wouldn’t come inside the concession. All the windows were covered anyway, though, which seemed super spooky. The entire night I listened for Auro, not sure about what I’d hear. Then I heard it in the distance sometime before midnight. I was half asleep, but the eerie whooping whistle sound was not something I had ever heard before. It never got close enough for me to analyze and I was too tired to stay awake to wait, but the noise was definitely unmistakable for something natural. This morning I’m not even sure if it actually happened or if I was dreaming. The fear of Auro is very intriguing. He never forces you to see him. As long as you’re inside and don’t peek out your windows when you hear him outside, you are in absolutely no danger. And yet, the curiosity about what he looks like…about who he is and how he’s dressed up…about who is with him and what they’re doing to produce the eerie, loud sounds…that curiosity is almost strong enough to almost cause you to want to look, even though you know that looking is the one thing you are not supposed to do. So the fear is not really of Auro, or even of the community’s reaction to you seeing Auro, but of not trusting yourself to have self-control over your own actions. It’s very vertigo-esque. You don’t fear falling itself, but the desire to fall.

I have run out of all snacks and candy. It is really depressing. Someone please send me a package of something! Include stamps (preferably the ‘forever’ kind) and maybe some cheap, women’s cut, colored t-shirts. Handwashing is super rough on my tee-shirts, and whites have not remained white. I’m thinking simple reds and blues, browns, blacks, etc. No writing on them, just a simple scoop neck, size small. Please and thank you!

My birthday is in 28 days! WOO HOO!

E

PS. Apparently, all the money that was stolen from me has been returned! Miranna and Charlie are coming down to Porto Novo at the beginning of week 7 before post visits and will return it to me then. YIPPIE! They will recount the story and the perpetrators then, too…so get ready for that story!

Monday, August 23

Well, the levels are back and I’m intermediate-mid…as expected. I really wanted to get up to intermediate high so I could start learning local language, but apparently no one in our sector is starting local languages yet…so it doesn’t really matter for now. I just have to get one more level before swear in…which I think is possible if I just practice a little bit more at home. It just takes time and it’s hard for me because I am so not a patient person. But little by little I get better. One thing that is sort of frustrating, but nice at the same time is that I have the same instructor as I did before. It is sort of annoying because I wanted to work with someone new, but it’s good because I know her style already. I have two new classmates, though and I think they will make it fun. One guy, Matt, seems very good at just going off on tangents and having a conversation which is so much better than always just doing the lesson. We debated the merits of dutch ovens in french for like ten minutes…which was way better than recounting a boring story.

So I finally went to a tailor to get some stuff made…I haven’t gotten it back yet, but I’ll pick up a new skirt and a modele (the Beninese outfit of skirt and top) on Thursday and report back. Sometimes it’s necessary to get some alterations afterward, but the tailor took all my measurements and I should have some faith in his ability to do a good job. Innocent until proven guilty haha.

After going to the tailor, I bought a coconut on the side of the road off of some little girl’s head. I paid 100 F for it and had a hell of a time cracking it open on the ground. Rico and Fifa helped me and we were giggling for like 20 minutes while we tried to get all the delicious pieces out. There was one particularly stubborn piece that Rico was working on that he kept bouncing up higher than our heads. I was definitely having a good time with it haha. The coconut milk was amazingly refreshing after a long day, too, although I spilled a lot of it on the ground. There was something super rewarding about eating some nourishment that I had worked on with my bare hands (and my leatherman lol).

Well, I guess I should talk about something sad that happened. Today I came home after going to the grand marche to get some meme tish with Carlos and Papa was MAD. He was totally going off on Amede and I asked Rico what was up and he whispered to me that she had failed her school exams and had to repeat the year next school year. On one hand I was happy to see him taking her education so seriously, but damn, he was pissed. He is still mad and she’s been crying for like 2 hours. Every few minutes he’ll come back to where she is and talk to her…the yelling has decreased which I think is good…but she just looks at the ground and cries. I feel so bad and I don’t really know what to do. I would totally give her a hug if I thought she’d be receptive. I tried to give her a piece of my coconut via Fifa, but she didn’t want it. I just wish people would leave her alone. I am pretty sure she gets it now! I told her just now that she would be okay and she just nodded and her eyes welled up. Man, it totes sucks. She’s now just sitting in the living room with us, but on her own couch and she’s just crying silently, looking down while everyone ignores her. It’s so awful but I don’t know what to do!

A commercial for the Akon concert was just on and everyone was like AHHHH, AKON!!! ELAINA TU L’AIME, OUI?! And I was like YES I like Akon, I want to go to the concert…but papa just smiled and went back to berating Amede. Totes lame sauce.

On the lame sauce note, there wasn’t any peanut butter at school today. Also, I’ve given up with trying to be super careful with my weight while I’m living with my host family. They get all sad when I turn down food and since I’m actually usually able to keep eating…and the food is generally pretty tasty…since we’re talking a giant plate of delicious spicy spaghetti for example…I think I will be a happier person if I just sort of enjoy myself for this last month and I’ll watch my weight once I get to Djougou and I can actually have some control over the amount of oil in the sauce and how many carbs I’m taking in. I just can’t control it now and it doesn’t really help anything for me to be all worried about it, you know? So for now…my 6 pack abs plan is on hold. But I will recommence with it after my birthday and hopefully I’ll be super svelte for my Christmas conjugal visit. haha

Ok, I just started laughing at the very serious soap opera and the whole family looked at me like I was being ridiculously disrespectful of the tres grave situation. But I mean, come on. The music was super intense and then this guy said (dubbed over the Spanish) “No, doctor. That is not my brother” and everyone gasped. It was just hilarious and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

Oh, Rico’s birthday is the same as Colt’s which he was pretty pleased about. He and Fifa were actually planning the meal for when he visits in December and kept asking me if Colt liked various things…meat, beans, fromage, etc. I had a hard time describing his aversion for red meat, but willingness to eat chicken…especially since the best way for me to explain my vegetarianism is to say that I’m a buddhist and it’s forbidden by my religion. Since that’s sort of true, I guess it works.

Ok….so, one of the sisters just said that Papa is going to go to the Akon concert with me…now I am super confused and frustrated with my French. Grrrrr. Tomorrow I will ask him because he is sort of tired right now.

Until next time,

E

Tuesday

So, I am definitely going to Akon on Saturday! Papa said we're going and maybe I can bring Krista and Andrew.

Today we learned about Moringa oleifera. It is a plant that was introduced to Benin in the 60s and many environmental action volunteers here have worked with it since 2000. It has been called the “Miracle Tree” which is a little sensationalistic, but actually pretty appropriate. Moringa has all the essential amino acids, which is super rare for a plant. It also has more potassium, calcium, and vitamins than most other sources. There is statistical evidence that shows that when added to nutritional recuperation programs, there is a higher success rate of increasing weight and improved health for malnourished kids. It is also an extremely effective carbon sink and absorbs a lot more carbon dioxide than many hardwood trees. It can be used as animal food, fertilizer, a natural pesticide, and a way to purify water. So, I’ll be eating this in addition to eggs and wagasi to get all my protein. Yay!