Happy Holidays from Africa!

I am here at the Cotonou workstation and everyone is filing out, off to join friends and visitors in various beaches and cities throughout the country. There will still be a few of us in the workstation tonight and we're getting massages later today. I've been setting up my Pandora profile and listening to a lot of holiday music, but there's just something a bit...off...about the season here. It's the warmth, sure, but there's just no Christmas spirit in the air. Up north in Djougou, for example, there are a couple places with lights up, but for the most part, no one celebrates Christmas the way I'm used to. Back home, it's not really just a Christian holiday, it's an American holiday and means a lot more than just Jesus and presents...there's like an aura that fills the streets...and all the music and lights and tinsel and evergreen trees wrapped in stringed sparkles and golden ornaments? Man, that's just not here. Even in the South, where people are largely Christian and put up decorations around the cities, something is missing. There are cheap plastic toys with bright colors and lights everywhere, but it's almost like Benin has captured all the commercialism of American Christmas, but none of the goodwill toward others, love of humanity, doing nice things because it's the season for kindness, and just general Christmas spirit. Maybe it's just because it's still like 90 degrees outside? I don't know, I'm just really missing the smell of eggnog and cinnamon, snow and wintery breezes. I miss that moment late at night on Christmas eve when I sneak out of my room after everyone else has gone to sleep and I can just enjoy the last few minutes before the hectic morning. I sit quietly in the livingroom with all the lights turned off except the twinkling of the lights around the tree illuminating the brightly wrapped presents and casting shadows over the stillness. I love that, just sitting and feeling like there's something like magic so tangible I can almost touch it. That feeling is just. not. here.

But despite all that, I am pretty damn happy right now. Good friends, good drinking, I got some vanilla pretzels in the mail today, all is right in the world. I just watched "I just had sex" by the Lonely Island and I have to say, almost as good as "I'm on a boat." Not quite, but close.

Oh yeah, and Colt's getting here in a few hours. What now, bitches??!

Merry Christmas!!!

Elaina

Probably the worst thing ever (and some good ones, too)

So colt is not coming to Benin tonight. If he had made his flight with his visa and passport he'd be getting here in Cotonou in exactly 2 hours. But he didn't get his visa/passport back from the benin embassy in time and so he didn't get on a flight to Benin and so he won't be getting here in 2 hours...in fact he might not be coming here at all unless he gets his visa/passport before his next scheduled flight which he set for the 24th. Nothing is set in stone, I should have known better than to get so hopeful, but I can't help it. I always hope and I always put all my damn eggs in one basket and when they break I'm always surprised even though it was the hundredth time and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So, long story longer, I was angry, than sad, than angry, than numb, and now I'm just tentatively optimistic. I'd...um...sort of like to see him, you know? But I'm done ranting and crying and complaining to everyone around me. I think everyone here is sick of me...especially since I spent the last like five days complaining at least four times a day about how much the the humidity in the south sucks!

Good things: I bought a hookah for not too expensive and smoked some delicious apple/vanilla tobacco at Kara's amazing second story apartment in Cotonou. It was wonderful and relaxing and really helped take my mind off of...that really really unpleasant stuff in the paragraph preceding this one...ha. We went up on the roof and watched stars and airplanes coming into the airport...although it was really depressing thinking about how colt wasn't...er...on one of those planes approaching West Africa right now. Ok, fine, let me say one more thing about the suckiness of this whole thing. Like ten people have friends, family, and lovers coming to visit this week and I'm just like in this unpleasant limbo listening to people talking about it and ugh. it sucks. I mean, the other guy's fiance's flight got in tonight at like 11:30pm and I was totally on the roof when her plane touched down and i was totally bummed. But than someone made a joke about sheep and boredom and well, all was good for a while.

Other good things: this extra time means i can actually clean my house, buy some food, and get clothes from the tailor before colt (maybe) arrives.

Bad things: We can't go on safari anymore and I had to cancel our reservation for that. I don't think we can afford to go now, either in time or money since he had to pay like the majority of the ticket price in order to just switch the dates of his departure. He would still have to go back to the US the same original day, the 5th. So that sucks.

Other bad things: I find it unlikely that there will be enough money for me to get a refridgerator. And i'm not gonna lie, at this point I was almost more excited for that than colt. Almost.

Good things: I bought three cans of diet coke to take back to Djougou. I was going to wait and put them in the fridge, but I don't think I'll be able to wait just to be disappointed, you know. I think I'll be drinking them during this next few days of really intense waiting.

Other good things: I purchased some champagne at Erevan for colt's (hopefully) visit/christmas. I was really proud because I talked to the guy for a while about what was the best brand for my money...i really wasn't prepared to spend the 30 mille for real champage, so i convinced him that good sparkling wine would work and got a good bottle for 4 mille. GO ME!

More happiness thoughts to keep my sanity: the Cotonou workstation is almost completely decked out in Twilight posters which makes my heart sing whenever I see taylor lautner smiling out at me.

Also: I am going to try to get Anthony Bordain from NO RESERVATIONS to come to Benin. We've all decided that I am the one in charge of creating the suggestion letter and sending it to him. We think a Peace Corps themed show in 2011 is perfect because it's the 50th year anniversary for the Peace Corps and it's like the premier volunteering organisation in the world and well, you know, television shows like that stuff. Doug and Kim are applying for the Amazing Race, so it only makes sense to jump in on this. He can stay at my house and I'll take him to this awesome yam pilee place...yes, I'm seriously stoked about it. Actually, if someone wants to download NO RESERVATIONS episodes and send them to me, I'd be really really happy and love you forever.

Also: Just read NEW MOAN, a Twilight parody that Dana sent me and it was probably the best thing ever (in contrast to the title of this blog post haha). Thank you DANA and FAMILY!

AND: SWIMMING!! The American ambassdor opens up his swimming pool to Peace Corps volunteers each Saturday afternoon and this was the first time I happened to be in Cotonou on a Saturday so I went swimming with Eric and Heather and Kara and a bunch of other volunteers. It was glorious and even though I only had a bra and panty combo, I felt like I was in America for a few hours...somewhere in America with palm trees and poorly constructed french...but still. I definitely got a bit sunburned.

I've decided that I am going to start going to mosque more frequently like probably once a week. I like my headscarf, I like the rituals, it's relaxing and really helps me integrate into the community, which is really difficult to do in a larger city like mine. And I can learn local language that way and even work on my casual Arabic which is really kick ass.

OH! Another good thing: I got a Dendi practice book to study! I'm going to learn so much I cannot wait. All the mamans qui vendent les choses will sit through my practicing and love it so much I've never had anyone so excited by my education except for maybe my dad when I was like 8. Ah, it's so exciting!

Hmmm, quelle autre? I love air conditioning and there's a lot of it this week....er....hmmm. I'm taking a FREE shuttle up to Djougou on Monday instead of the bus, so I'm saving some money, right on with your right on. Keep on with your keepin' on. Yeah, i should probably go shower and go to bed now...colt's nonflight would be getting here in one hour and 20 minutes and I'd be getting picked up from the workstation to head over to the airport in like 15 minutes.

Wow, these next few days are going to be awful. But (hopefully, the eggs! the eggs! one basket! faire doucement!) when he gets here, all will be remedied. At least after I give him the silent treatment for a whole five minutes or something.

IST

Interservice Training has been super boring and also awesome. We've been able to all see each other and hang out with dance parties on the roof of Songhai and Israelis, moto crashes, project designing tools, local language practice, practice sensibilizations, and very couth evenings of johnny walker red and coke. I must say it's been practical and interesting and amusing. Imorou is definitely the homologue who walks the walk and talks the talk which is not always as awesome as it sounds.

I had forgotten how muggy and humid it is in the south. it sucks. i had also forgotten how to discuter zem prices and deal with the super aggressiveness of the fon people. i miss djougou and my bed and shower although we are sleeping in air conditioning now.

i saw the host family and had more conversation with them than i did in like the 9 weeks i actually lived with them. i think my french has definitely improved ou bien i am just less terrified of speaking now and making crazy mistakes.

So I'd like to type more about this bountiful week but all i can think about is the fact that colt is on a plane right now getting ready to land in new york...and then he'll be IN BENIN with MEEEEE in like a day and a half (ok, it's precisely 31 and a half hours not like I'm counting down or anything).

We are going on safari, and rocking it in djougou and having soooo much...FUN!

So, yeah, I probably won't update or be on facebook or talk to another human being until 2011. So, sorry in advance and HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

love and miss you all, please send letters and chocolate,
xoxo
e

Journée Mondiale SIDA 2010

My first big PSI event went wonderfully! I'll try to get some pictures up soon to show you all, but there were hundreds of people! Speakers and performers and awards and dancers! It was great and I took a bunch of pictures of all the activities. I handed out condoms and was PSI's official videographer. A few of us set up various tents for free dèpistage (HIV testing). The day was almost six hours long, but a delicious meal of french fries and johnny walker red awaited us at the end! This place is crazy sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way,

E

Kate update

So all of us received an email from our country director and he informed us of his sadness about ''all the rumors'' going around about Kate's death and the Peace Corps. From what I've gathered, the email from the RPCVs do not encourage rumors at all, but gave us information for the first time since arriving here. But, I know the administration is hindered in what they can actually tell us and I'm sure they're frustrated by that as well. See how understanding I can be?

Basically, there will not be a 20/20 special in December and according to our CD, it probably won't air until January. But the ABC TV crews were here in Benin for interviews and to get footage of her village in Badjoudé, about 20 kilometers from me to the west and right on the Togo border.

From his email:

''Crimes committed against Peace Corps Volunteers overseas generally fall under the legal jurisdiction of the government of the country in whichthe crime was committed. In this case, the government of Benin is conducting the investigation into this matter. The Peace Corps has no direct role in the criminal investigation into Kate's death, and we have only limited information about the status of that investigation. The investigation is ongoing, and this phase, which is conducted by a judge,will be the foundation for an eventual trial. A trial date cannot be scheduled until the investigation is completed. We have been assured by senior officials in the Government that they are committed to doing everything possible to find out what happened and to bring justice.''

I am trying very hard not to fault the PC/Benin administration with their handling of the entire situation and to a certain extent it really does seem like their hands are tied. Why doesn't the murder of an American citizen concern the legal processes in America? It sort of seems like it should, right? I know that I would like to think that justice will be served America style if something were to happen to me overseas. Does it really not work that way? Is justice completely at the hands of the host country, no matter how sophisticated or inept? Because that is a little bit scary.

Anyway, that is all the news I have for now for the public. I have to be careful not to, ''even inadvertantly'' compromise the investigation.

Nati Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!
I spent the last two days in Natitingou just chillaxing and eating and ended up sick yesterday which sucked. So I stayed last night because I didn't think I wanted to puke on the taxi. But I am good now and we're getting ready to leave to head back to Djougou and thank goodness because I really miss my house and my shower and my food and my bed....mmmmm.

Thanksgiving dinner was decent, potatoes, green beans, and many different kind of pies. We watched Avatar and 12 Monkeys and all was good and relaxing. I really missed the family, though. I think I talked to everyone at some point and definitely spent an insane amount of money on credit...think like a month's worth in one day. But it was totally worth it!

I got packages, too! But only a couple...one from mom and one from Colt's family that had birthday stuff in it. See, they get here eventually!

Sorry this update is so lame; I am using someone's computer and they need it back soon!

Miss and love you all,

E

PS I'm very glad I didn't get Jeffrey Sach's tattooed on me. Just sayin'

Watch 20/20 on December 3rd

As many of you know or have heard, Catherine (Kate) Puzey was a volunteer here in Benin who was killed last year in March. The details surrounding her murder have been frustratingly concealed from us as current volunteers and her family as sections from the following letter will show. Kate served as an English teacher in Badjoudé, a town close to Djougou, where I live. In fact, my post is the closest Peace Corps post to her town. When we arrived in Benin this summer we were informed of the event and there was an informal discussion about the events surrounding her death. I was surprised to find out the depth of involvement from higher ups in the Peace Corps Benin and I am actually continuously surprised at the fact that Peace Corps/Benin did not get completely discontinued. I am glad it hasn't, though. At least not yet. The trial is supposed to start this month, but has been delayed for various reasons. On December 3rd there will be a feature about Kate's death on 20/20 that I hope you all tune in for. While this was a very specific, isolated incident that in no way jeapardizes the safety of current volunteers, it is incredibly important for all Peace Corps administration and volunteers and thus all Americans to pay attention and prevent it from happening again.

Many names have been left out to protect privacy and I am including the letter here solely in order to provide information to the public and those concerned about Benin in particular. This email was forwarded to all currently serving Peace Corps Volunteers (PCVs) in Benin as well as many recently Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) from two RPCVs who knew Kate well and is in no way an official document related to the current investigation:

Dear All,
Hello!! How are all of you?? ...A lot, a lot has gone down since we all left Benin, in terms of Kate and the impending trial. Not to make excuses, but it's been really difficult forus to sit with all of the information we're going to share, and not know when the appropriatetime to disperse it is. We'll get to it a little later,but there will be some publicity regarding Kate and the PeaceCorps soon, so we knew it was time to write this email. Since coming back to the States,we've been in consistent, close contact with the Puzey's. Through this,we've been privilege to a lot of knowledge that we otherwise wouldn't have been, as the Peace Corps has done a mighty fine job of keeping information out of our(all of our) hands, both as former/present volunteers and friends of Kate. We're not sure who knows what at this point, so we're just going to start at the beginning.

Towards the start of our 2009 February break from school, -- went to Badjoude. While there, Kate expressed concern about C-- (J--'s brother, thelanguage facilitator for Health) and stories she'd been told of his raping and humiliating two of his young students. She also was led to believe that he breached his contract by having a relationship with at least one stagiaire. Because of this information, as well as her own knowledge of C--'s general sliminess/coming to classes drunk/etc., Kate knew she neededto bringthis toAdmin's attention. She spent a lot of time trying todecidethe best way tocontact S--. She eventually chose email, and sent theattached note to S--, CCing F--, on February 27, 2009. We've also attached the responses Kate received. As you can see from the chain, S--and F--quickly took to heart what Kate told them. However, Kate never knew this. She sent the email on Friday from Natitingou. She left for Badjoude (no internet) on March 1, 2009. To be fair, at somepoint during the two weeks Kate was in Badjoude she received a callfrom M--. I remember getting a fewtexts from Kate about this, but I can't remember specifically what she wastold. I do know that she was made aware that PeaceCorps was "handling" the situation, and M-- asked if Kate would be interested in legal action beingtaken against C--for the raping of students. Because that knowledge washearsay, Kate said she didn't think that was yet appropriate. Thisis the only indication we have that Kate would have any idea that Admin was taking her email seriously.We want to interject here. We assume you all remember All Vol at DuLac in March 2008. One of the biggest issues tirelessly discussed was the refusal by Admin to not use email as a valid method of quick communication. Case in point. Kate never received the emails that youseeattached. She also never knew that on March 10, C-- received a letter letting him know that he would no longer be contractually employed by the PeaceCorps. (For the record, we're unsure if any disciplinary action was taken by the school.) Kate was killed either the night of March 11 or the morning of March12. In this email, we're tryingvery hard to be as diplomatic as possible, but there are times, like this one, when that just seems insane. By emailing Kateinstead of calling, Peace Corps actively took her right away to make decisionsabout what would be best for her and her safety. ...

About a week after Kate's death, J--loses his security clearance. Beforethe Easter break in April 2009, several of us were interviewed when the Peace Corps Inspector General's Office sent two investigators to Benin. We were told by the investigators that their purpose was to determine what, if anything, happened in the Peace Corps office that would have directly been tied to Kate's death. On May 28, 2009 F-- resigns. In mid-June 2009,S-- announces herintent to resign by the end of the month. Another pointtirelessly discussed atAll-Vol was Admin's constant breaching ofc onfidentiality. While in Benin wespeculated this had a major role in Kate's death since ONLY S--and F--were emailed about C--. ...Now we're home. We'reapproached by Lois (Kate's mom) to be part of a task forceto seek justicefor Kate, both in terms of a trial as well as Peace Corpsreform. Lois expressed to us how initially the Peace Corps was sympathetic totheir loss,but that soon turned to complete stonewalling when they startedaskingquestions. Not to mention how they were notified. ... Her effects were simply dropped off some time later with no note or representative. For several months, we compiled information and brainstormed various ways to affect chance.This all came to a head in February 2010 when we, along with Kate's parents and her cousin, went to Washington to meet with Director (of the Peace Corps)Williams, Senator Isakson, andseveral other staff members for various other Senators and Representatives.Our goal was to present the reform we seenecessaryto ensure that nothinglike this happens again to a volunteer. This included:
A. Better notification practices of next of kin
B. Standard procedure for keeping confidentiality
C. Standard procedure for ways that volunteers can notify PC Admin of sensitive information
D. Standard procedure for communication(particularly ofsensitiveinformation) between Admin and volunteers
E.The possibility of volunteers being covered under the Whistle Blower Protection Act

...

One more thing. So throughout this whole process the lackof media attention for Kate's murder has been kind of astounding. The Puzey's arevery much interested in Kate's story being told on a national/international platform...ThePuzey's were approached by 20/20,and jumped at the opportunity. As part ofthisprocess, we were interviewed. The experience seems to have been quitepositiveand therapeutic for Kate's family. However, for us, it was really pretty terrible. We realize our position as former volunteers creates adifferentdynamic than that of family. Although we feel strongly that Kate'sstory be toldand that Peace Corps reforms are put in place, wedidn't feellike we were in theposition to do any speculating or name names on national television, much less on a sensationalistic program. 20/20 wasn'tso happy with our position. We still agreed to be interviewed, discussingonly first-hand knowledge, as the Puzey'sreally wanted that. All of this tosay, the first segment of the program will beairing in December 3, 2010 at10pm (EST). We have no idea what to expect...

The trial, although slated to happen this November, will not happen until who knowswhen...We know that a lot of information to take in. And we also know that we might nothave presentedit in entirely the clearest way possible. So please let usknow if you have anyquestions. We're sending this email to all TEFL butplease pass this along toanyone else you think should know.
Love to all,
--

So that's that. I have a little bit more information for anyone who emails me or facebook messages me directly, but I do want to keep things respectful of the privacy of those more involved than me. I want to reiterate as well that this email is in no way official and is also not completely represented here, so there's no way to take it as anything more than just hearsay, right? I have no authority here and my opinion does not reflect that of the Peace Corps/Benin or Peace Corps/Washington or the Peace Corps Inspector General's Office. So please just watch the show in a couple weeks and someone please tell me how it goes!

Elaina

A bar watchi wei-tachi et wagasi waranka

I've been learning a lot of Dendi lately; the title is something I ordered for lunch today. Local language is not really necessary for me because I live in a big city where everyone speaks french, but I really enjoy learning it. Sofia and I (the German volunteer in Djougou who, who in highschool, spent a year abroad in Wichita freaking Kansas--damn it's a small world) are planning on taking Dendi lessons together. Whenever she and I hang out we speak this cool combination of french, english, quasi-german (i know a few phrases), and now some dendi. it's pretty trippy.

A good friend of mine from college is joining me in the Peace Corps world of West Africa and will be in Mali at the end of January. I know I was already getting ready to plan a Mali trip for next summer, so it works out pretty spectacularly. I'm glad someone from home will be able to commiserate now haha

So this is really just an update post...Thanksgiving is coming up and a lot of us are going to Nati. I am going to try to bake an apple pie. I am now officially helping my office here with learning english...at 7am three times a week, ugh. i have started getting ready for the med school application season as i have officially received my wellesley college admissions committee packet. I am considering adding like three more random Chicago schools since I really want to go to school there. Naturally, my top choice is Northwestern followed closely by the University of Chicago, but honestly I'd be pretty stoked to go to Rush or Loyola or where ever as long as it's in the Windy City, you know? Hmm, what else? Ah, I learned a new french phrase that perfectly sums up what i am supposed to be doing here: faire faire. It basically means that I am to make others do things, to facilitate behavior change, to help the Beninese help themselves. Faire faire.

I can't remember if I mentioned it, but last week was the Muslim holiday, Tabaski, or Eid ul-Adha, a three day holiday that commemorates Abraham’s (Ibrahim’s) submission to the command of Allah in sacrificing his son, Ishmael. The Koran describes Abraham in the following passage:"Surely Abraham was an example, obedient to Allah, by nature upright, and he was not of the polytheists. He was grateful for Our bounties. We chose him and guided him unto a right path. We gave him good in this world, and in the next he will most surely be among the righteous" (Koran 16:120-121). Before Abraham was able to sacrifice Ishmael, Allah intervened and communicated that his devotion was evident through his willingness to obey the word of Allah, thus his sacrifice fulfilled. Allah gave Abraham a ram to sacrifice instead. The people celebrate the holiday by attending mosque services and praying and then sacrificing insane numbers of goats. Some families save up for an entire year to buy a goat so that they can have a good Tabaski. I myself went to the nearest mosque and prayed with my friend, Affissa. She came by my house and we performed our ablutions, ritual washing of our faces, hands, and feet. We then went to the mosque where she handed me prayer beads and I pulled my headscarf over my hair so that my body was almost completely covered. The room I was in had only women and anyone under the age of 15 was definitely more preoccupied with me than their prayers...oops, haha. Afterward I went back to my house and ended up missing the goat slaughterings. Oh, darn, maybe next year. We ate good wagasi and yam pilée and drank cold cokes, though, and it was the life. Later, we met up with some friends at a buvette. The entire city was partying for three days straight, even at like midnight, when usually the city is quiet.

Well, that's that for now!

I actually have something super important to talk about, but it deserves it's own entry, so stay tuned for next time,

Elaina

a light at the end of the tunnel

Things are looking up. Colt will be here in 29 days, the Harmattan winds have started bringing cooler nights and wonderful midday breezes, my french is almost always adequate in any given situation, and those damn baby goats are as cute as ever. I have a new found sense of duty after filling with patriotism post season two of the west wing. i am serving my country by living here, i am working toward international cooperation and peace by living with the people making little money and hand washing my laundry. There is honor in that and i am really starting to believe it. I thought I believed it when I applied, but Peace Corps applicants have no idea about so many things. I think it takes at least a good chunk of a year to realize how much you don't know and even more time after that to find the perspective that will foster effective work. I am at that point. I started so completely misguided and I had done my homework! I was as possibly prepared as can be expected from a well educated American 22 year old and rounding up to my fifth month here I am only now seeing that there might actually be a place for me here. I had to get lost in myself, in the dark, before I could see the possibility for something other than a cheap idealism. I have come full circle as it were, and i am just now understanding that there was something almost insincere about our desire to serve.

life's too short

i know that life is very slow here and i am often frustrated by inefficiencies and stress like bad internet connections, heat, bugs, constant harrassement from men, and the lack of regular sex. I have recently decided though that there is absolutely nothing i can do about the vast majority of those problems and stressing out about them just raises my blood pressure in 95 degree heat. I also spend a lot of time annoyed by the slow pace of my work and how ineffectual i feel like I have become at a time when I thought I was going to be having the most impact on the world. I have realized, though, that this is just the way it is and i should spend more time trying to be successful working in this system than trying to change the system. This is Africa and there are many many cultural and historical (not to mention geographical and climate related) reasons for the way things are here. Honestly there is a certain amount of naivete and meglomania associated with the assumption that a volunteer living here for just two years can have any impact on the larger social structures that make up that system. I am starting to see, though, that if I accept the things I cannot and should not change, I just might be able to help in a way that works for Africa.

Coke and Development Economics

11/04/10

Right now I am at a buvette drinking a coke and listening to some bollywood music under a huge mango tree. It is still light outside, but it won't be for too much longer; the sun sets early here. I am sitting by myself which is considered totally weird to the Beninese. If I wasn’t looking very busy scribbling in this notebook I would probably be hit on at a rate of like 4 men an hour. On second thought, I’m not sure the notebook makes a difference…

A few weeks ago I was here with Doug when we found out about the 5 year old who drowned in the well and for some reason I can’t help but think of that every time I am at this buvette, even if just for a brief moment.

Damn, I wish I had a diet coke instead of this delicious regular one. I miss those. When I get back to the states, I am going to drink one every day! Oh wait…

In the spirit of keeping you all informed and aware of my life, I suppose I will describe the scenery here while I wait for my dinner of couscous and spicy omelette.

Inevitably the scene changes whenever I show up. It’s calm here I imagine, before I arrive; the people all clustered around the mango and guava trees, nursing their bottles of Beninese brews. They talk quietly in French and local language about whatever it is that they talk about. I get there, though, and the charm is temporarily broken. The kids start screaming ‘batouré, batouré!’ Women come up with things for sale on their heads: bananas, fish, fried bread with spicy sauces. Men try to get my number or sell me phone credit, leather shoes, or knockoff sunglasses called Ray Bon’s. I greet them all, tell them to go away, and sit while the scene slowly goes back to something akin to what is was before.

I can never really just disappear, to slide into anonymity and just observe some moment here; wherever I go is shaped by my presence. The closest I get to being invisible is when I wear a headscarf like the Muslim women and a long skirt, but even then people do double takes. I get hit on a lot less that way, though.

My homologue, Imorou, calls me and decides to come meet me. He shows up and we get to talking. We speak franglais, my favorite foreign langue parceque I parler it so bien. Imorou is getting better at it, but still has trouble mixing French and English together in one sentence. He laughs when I talk about wanting to ‘manger something.’ We talk easily, Imorou and me. We discuss malaria for a bit and the politics of racism, a discussion that he hold mostly in French and I in English, but we each understand the other. I admit to him that I get angry and frustrated by the indifference that most of the world has for Africa.

‘Me, too,’ he says simply, taking a sip from his soda and leaning back in his chair.

I get to thinking about my purpose here as I am wont to do on hot, African evenings. I guess I thought that I would have had more inspiration living here, more insight into solutions, but honestly I am just more confused.

I see poverty, sure. It’s everywhere, ubiquitous. Dirt roads, mud houses, walls in disrepair, trash everywhere, dirty clothes, beggars. I guess when everyone is poor it becomes the average and there isn’t anything unique about it anymore. I don’t even think about it most days. People get by, same as anywhere. Things are different, sure. Few people have THINGS like cars, refridgeraters, ovens. Is that what poverty is? Not having an oven?

I make 90 mille a month which is less than 200 dollars US, and honestly that is not very much money at all; it wasn’t enough to buy a fridge (100 mille!). It’s not much more than most people here make, either. Imorou makes way more than that. Hell, most zemidjans make more than that if they aren’t being lazy.

I’m not sure what my point is. Clearly people in Africa don’t have a lot. The richest person in Djougou makes like 1 percent of the income of a poor American. I’m struggling because I’m really having a hard time seeing how it matters. If women are having healthy babies with few complications why does it matter that the health center is unairconditioned? Or if kids are going to school why does it matter that they had to walk 2 miles to get there? If all the kids do it and are fine?

But here’s the thing: not all pregnancies ARE healthy and not all kids DO go to school. Sure it’s like that in the states, too, but it’s normal here, it’s more common here for a woman to die of post birth hemorrhaging and for thirteen year old girls to drop out of school so they can take care of their younger brothers and sisters. There is malnutrition and suffering and unclean, unsafe working conditions. Just because I’ve gotten desensitized to 8 year olds walking 10 kilometers barefoot doesn’t mean the kid couldn’t use some shoes. Just because no one is complaining that they make one dollar a day doesn’t mean they’re living easy.

People here work HARD, too. I didn’t visit the health center for almost a week and when I saw it yesterday there was a new, huge cement wall painted and complete around the entire center. I am constantly noticing new buildings, new businesses, new mamans selling street food. Things change and evolve here so quickly I am constantly surprised by the work ethic, especially since I’ve always been told that people here are hyper laid back or even lazy. That is just flat out not true, at least not in my experience. So why the fuck are people still dying from tuberculosis?? Is it just money? Benin already relies heavily on foreign aid; it’s like 80 percent of the GDP or something. Throwing more foreign aid can’t possibly be the solution, but hell, maybe it is. Jeffrey Sachs, my once favorite economist says that is indeed the answer. More money, more money. I really want to see change from within the country, though. Work ethic is good, sex relations are bad…women are not particularly valued economically. Maybe there’s something there that needs exploring, I don’t know.

I don’t know. Is education the answer? Yes, probably. That and a little bit of everything else. There’s no way that just giving more money to the government could be the answer, is it? Just a few more billion…clean up the streets, create some jobs, make sure kids are sleeping under mosquito nets. Fuck, I really don’t know. I am not an economist, I’m not even really an international aid worker. I’m just a health volunteer who feels underutilized doing a job I’m not sure about in a country that I’m not even sure wants my help or even needs it.

This was not supposed to be a rambling attempt to understand the role of foreign assistance in fighting poverty in Benin…but oh well. Hopefully some of this stuff will get a little clearer before I have to write my personal statement for medical schools. All I can say now is ‘um, yeah, so I do something one might call ‘work’ in an African health center…and maybe Jeffrey Sachs is wrong,’ which I don’t think is going to quite land me an interview at Northwestern.

Imorou doesn’t really seem to have any answers either. When he mentions colonialism all I can think about is how America was once a colony, too, but I don’t have the guts yet to say it out loud. I think I might have heard that on the West Wing anyway and I wouldn’t want to pass off Aaron Sorkin’s ideas as my own.

So we lapse into silence or move onto another idea, leaving Africa’s problems to the diplomats and politicians at least for tonight. I go back to watching the goats and chickens under the mango tree while the sun sets and I finish my coke.

much ado about rien

ok, it has been a while. if i make some mistakes here it is bc of the french keyboard i am using at work. as some of y'all may know, my computer cord died. yes, the elecricity surged and my cord was plugged in...leading to explosion and dead cord. luckily my computer wasn't actually plugged in at the time...so i am entrain de waiting for a new one from dad...and apparently there are also dark chocolate peanut m&ms in the package; score. on the subject of packages; no i have not received yours; anyone's. i am going to the nati workstation soon and i will hopefully have a nice pile waiting.

Just for kicks, here is what it looks like if i type without cherching for the correct keys:

i just typed like q hourùs zorth of ,qteriql qnd of course none of it zqs sqved:::so i q, going to try to not throz q fit qnd just cql,ly try to re,e,ber zhqt i typed here qnd hope thqt i donùt throz so,ething out the zindoz in frustrqtion:

so i cannot really remember what i had written here...i have typed for an hour and published it and of course it didn't work for wharever stupid reason. aaargh, i guess i'll just give a mini update.

i have been running, i made a beninese friend who runs with me and helps me with my french...which has gotten a lot better, but still needs a lot of work. i have read like twenty different books including all the twilights, a david sedaris, some robin cook, a little john irving, a book about running, and a lot of my pathology textbook. i thought maybe not having a computer would induce some sort of ascetic like revelation about the spirit sucking technology dependant, but honestly i am just really missing watching californication and other movies. i LIKE technology, i like the internet; i like being connected to the world. give me an iphone or give me death!

as far as work goes, i still do a lot of sitting and waiting. i'm trying to not let it get to me; it's pretty typical for the first few months at post. i've been reqding my pathology book at work and people just say ''good work!'' whenever they walk by. i also spend a couple days at the maternité and hopefully i'll be helping out with births in a few weeks. the sage-femme (mid-wife) doesn't really know what to do with me; i'm not a nurse or doctor and can't speak particularly good french. hopefully that will get better as they get used to me hanging around.

i had been doing a lot of cooking, but i've been eating out a lot more. the wagasi on the streets is just so much better than i can make it especially with yam pilée and the couscous qnd omelette plate at this one cafetariat in town is fabulous. i have also discovered watchi, this delicious rice and beans combo that combined with savory wagasi is soooo freaking good. since i've been cooking for myself less i've naturally been sick a lot more. in the last month i've been sick enough for cipro at least twice although i think it's from the same salad place that got me sick on post visit. i'm going to keep eating out, but not go there and see how i do. since i'm all out of cipro now...seems like a good time.

i'm writing more since i am sans computer, working on my YA novel about fairies that i started last fall in my writing for children class. it so far has a suspiciously twilight tinged feel to it, but hopefully once i transcribe it to computer i can edit a bit of that out. i am writing in these little 80 page cahiers that are gridded like for geometry or high school chem and really hating the shitty cheap pens that are so ubiquitous here. someone please send me those four-in-one bic pens. they are my favorite and remind me of taking notes in organic chem and genetics.

i saw a facebook event ad for the wellesley sex carnival tomorrow and felt a surge of pride that the tradition continues. my beninese friend would pee her pants if she heard about that, haha.

well, i think that's it for now; i am really getting tired of this keyboard. i have a couple insanely cynical and depressing entries that i've written in the cahiers, but i think i'll save them for later. right now i am looking forward to some couscous, omelettes, and fries and life is good.

i miss and love you all, please send chocolate.

e

Just a Tuesday Morning Development Discussion

October 5, 2010

I am having a conversation with Alain, a work partner here at PSI and he is trying to speak English. It is not easy to understand and we are both trying to get connected to the wifi in the office that has been spotty for the last few days. I wish that the air conditioner was turned on, but they never have it on in the mornings.

“It is not very fast,” he says slowly, deliberately, typing something on his laptop.

“Well, this is Africa.” I smile when I say it, teasing, but I am frustrated. Immediately I regret the comment as his eyebrows raise, surprised. He smiles back, but there is tension now.

“It is always fast in America?” He doesn’t look at me.

“Oui.” There is a long moment of silence, something that has just started getting less awkward for me, but now I feel like my months of habituation haven’t happened.

And then: “Tell me why you are here. What are your ideas to help the development of Africa.” He smiles when he asks, but I can feel the anticipation filling the space between us. I don’t know how to answer anymore. If he had asked me months ago I would have said something about providing my time and skills to the people here to help them help themselves, but honestly I have not felt particularly useful in weeks.

When I got here I thought that my idealism was held in check. I thought of myself as someone who was skeptical of the whole idea of aid work and that I had read enough so that naïveté was the last thing I brought with me. Well, it wasn’t true. I don’t think I was lying to myself exactly, but I was definitely clouding some truths about what I wanted to accomplish here. I would have thought that I could answer a simple question about what I hope to do here for the next two years.

But I don’t have any answers and that sounds so cynical it makes my stomach hurt.

Natitangou

October 3, 2010

I just got back from Natitangou and I tell ya, it is freaking gorgeous up there. I can see why it is the primary place of tourism in this country. The entire city is surrounded by these majestic hills that the sun sets behind. There is this restaurant that is up on one of the hills and were we went to dinner (and lunch the next day!); you could see the entire city and the stars from up there. I am definitely taking colt there on a date one night; it’s easily the prettiest place I’ve seen in Africa thus far. And the food was damn good, too…at least by African standards. Frites and I hear the chicken was fantastic (at least for African standards).

Speaking of meat, I have been seriously craving a steak. Like a big, juicy, delicious, expensive steak. I think if someone presented me with one right now all ready to go, I’d probably actually eat it. The problem is that I don’t particularly want to eat any other meat; I don’t want to waste my meat eating on something not good enough…something lame. And since the only place I can get a sufficiently delicious piece of meat is the US of A, I think I will be remaining a vegetarian. And I’m also going to cherche some more sources of protein because I think I’m probably not getting enough since I’m legit having intense cravings for steak!

Right now I am downloading like a million movies from another volunteer and I am super psyched about it. I will have all the Harry Potters and Back to the Futures and I am also getting more 6 feet under so I can finally finish the series in peace even though mom ruined it for me last year. I’m also going to get caught up on 30 Rock and Entourage and I might watch Californication…all of that after I finish season 3 of Dexter. I definitely did not expect to be watching this much television in Africa…hmmmm.

Ok….well, that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll definitely update soon if anything actually interesting happens around here! I think I’m headed to the centre de santé tomorrow or Tuesday. Perhaps something cool will go down. I really need something interesting for my medical school personal statement! Haha

E

First Day at Work!

September 27th

I am at work right now and I have internet access on the wifi system! But…the internet is very bad right now…and is seriously very slow. I have yet to actually load an entire page and I’ve been trying for almost 5 minutes! It reminds me of the good old dial-up days with the imac at dad’s place in like 8th grade. I loved that computer and spent a lot of time AOL IMing my friends after school. Ah, how technology has progressed.

So I’m a bit hungover on this lovely African morning. I spent the evening yesterday meeting all the other foreign volunteers who live in Djougou. There are a surprisingly large number, actually. One French guy, B, and three Germans (the guy, F, and two girls, S and L). We all hung out with Doug at this nice-ish buvette for like 5 hours. I didn’t actually drink that much, but was dehydrated already and went to bed thirsty…which means hangover in the matin. Ugh…

So I’m at work, but I’m not actually doing anything. I’m not really sure what the plan is, honestly. I assume that at some point in the near future I will begin doing some sort of health related volunteer work…but allah only knows when that’s gonna be. Maybe tomorrow.

The other day when I was at the cyber, I loaded like 50 pages of chat rooms from the Student Doctor Network and than closed my computer and took home the pages to read in my house. I cracked open a Fanta orange (amazing) and fried up some wagasi and had a piece of delicious, soft, white bread (aka candy) and felt for just a little while that I was back in school just doing some quick research on med schools.

Hmmm, I guess there’s not a lot really to report here in Africaland. My house is slowly coming together. I need to get a vrai couch and find a way to get my mirror and paintings up over cement walls…for some reason I don’t think I’m going to be able to put nails in…hmmm. Maybe I’ll have someone send me some of those sticky things with the hooks on them. That would work. Yeah.

Ok, I think next time I write an entry, I will ACTUALLY make sure that it is interesting. I’ll keep track of the plethora of crazy stuff that happens here and write about it in an interesting way. Yeah, I like that.

Ok, until next time, mes amies

Elaina

Birthday and more

Tuesday, September 21st

Well I made it safe and sound to Djougou and am now typing this entry in my guest bedroom of my lovely pink abode. The master bedroom is not yet ready as I still have to purchase a grand mattress to fit my new grand bed frame. I’m really excited because the double bed mosquito net is BLUE!

I don’t have a lot of computer battery left and I’m nervous about charging my computer before I actually get a surge protector. The electricity here has been pretty spotty and cuts in and out at random. The water seems pretty regular, though, which is lovely when it’s hot as hell and I can just go hop in my awesome tiled shower out back.

Ok, I plugged in the computer…hopefully nothing crazy happens. I’m getting a protector as soon as Doug gets back to town and can help me discuter the price: I have no idea how expensive those things are.

Bad news first: the two fans that were left here do not work and so it is really freaking hot and I need to buy a fan tomorrow. Also bad news…I am sick again! Nothing crazy this time, just a fever and some aches and pains with general fatigue. I’m probably just dehydrated because my water filter broke and I’ve been boiling my water…but it doesn’t cool down for several hours and I’m lazy! But the fever is controllable with ibuprofen and I just finished watching DIE HARD so all is good in the world. And Peace Corps is sending me a new filter on the shuttle next week.

My birthday was surprisingly pleasant. I tried to cook for myself…ended up with a complete shit show of a cake…charred sugary mess…that I did indeed eat a bit of after I sung happy birthday to myself and blew out a candle that I bought for way too much money at Erevan. I spent the day rearranging my house and sweeping and making plans for my next menusier trip. I already ordered screen doors because damn, it’s hot and I want some natural light up in here! My guacamole was actually pretty damn good and today I made couscous, the dish so good they named it twice! I also did orange juice which was a wonderful decision especially with some lime squeezed in there, too. I talked to a lot of people who wished me a happy 23rd and the idea that I am closer to 30 than 13 is just starting to take form…along with the tiny wrinkle I totally have between my eyebrows. It was so nice to talk to everyone that called (Mom, Dad, Jeni, Alex, Mommoo, Colt (and Sydney, too: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADY) , as well as a bunch of other volunteers who graciously used their credit to call and/or text); THANK YOU all so much; you really made what could have been a really sad and lonely day an awesome, fun one!

I opened my only present that had arrived…my kickass awesome pathology textbook from dad. I’ve just about finished the chapter on neoplasia and I tell ya, I don’t think there are many things that get me so excited as do recurring translocations of certain chromatin protein genes. Thanks dad, best gift ever. As to all you other known gift senders, thank you in advance! I’m sure I’ll get ‘em before October is out!

So some pretty sweet news: I have internet in my house (on occasion)! The wifi from my work seeps over into my living room sometimes and I can actually get two of five bars of reception! At first I thought I’d have to wait to get connected because I needed the security key…but I played around with the passwords and actually ended up guessing the right one! I felt like a kick ass computer hacker, haha. Unfortunately the internet is not actually working right now…but I am connected to it at least. Oh, Africa. I think it might just be too late right now and the internet is off once people at the NGO leave work. I’ll try again in the morning, but I am super stoked right now! Even if it ends up not working for whatever reason, I will always remember how awesome I feel right now! Lol

The trip to Djougou was pretty eventful, so I guess I can recount a bit of that. We were supposed to leave Porto Novo at 6 in the morning, me and my closemate, Magda. Well, the taxi didn’t actually pick me up until 8 and than about five minutes after leaving my house, the car broke down. The driver fixed it about half an hour later and Magda and I just talked and waved at all the kids shouting ‘yovo’ at us as they walked by. Well, we made it around the block before the next breakdown happened. This time we ended up waiting for about an hour and a half before a Peace Corps official guy just happened to be driving by and saw us by the side of the road. He stopped and helped us figure out what to do and wished us “du courage.” An old random guy came up to the window and asked us to give him cent franc and I said “you give ME cent franc!” and he just laughed and stood there awkwardly for like five more minutes while Magda and I ignored him.

We made it out of Porto Novo by a little after 11, but then got stuck at the toll booth. Our driver explained that the guy at the window wanted extra money because of our bikes, which are very nice, expensive yovo bikes. Magda and I were like HELL NO, we don’t do bribes…we don’t want to encourage corruption in this society! We have principles! So we waited in the now very present sun by the tollbooth and wondered how long we’d hold out. We ended up calling the same PC guy from before and he arrived about twenty minutes later in a hitchhiked car. He jumped out and the car kept on going toward Cotonou. He explained to us that our brilliant driver had forgotten the very normal and very legal fee for having luggage that was as tall as ours was piled up on top of the car. So no clichéd bribery attempts here, just plain old fashioned dumbass-ery. Now, that’s real Africa for ya.

The trip from then on out was relatively uneventful…except the breakdown in Bohicon and our driver’s random stop in a small village to purchase what we could only assume was a Beninoise…leaving it ambiguous as to whether or not that was the beer or the tanti. Interestingly, they just happen to be the same price…oooh, snap! Nothing like prostitute jokes on a hot African night!

So backup a little bit to swear in. We were at the ambassador’s house Friday morning and damn, it is nice, that is definitely what I want to be when I grow up. We listened to speeches in French and English, Fon, Bariba, and like two other random local languages that I don’t remember. Then we swore in as official volunteers (there was even a ’I will defend the constitution of the United States of America’ and a ‘so help me God’ in there; I felt like I was taking the Oath of Office). We then went to Erevan, spent way too much money on things we didn’t need (holy shit, that place was like a super Walmart…with vrai prices and some stuff that is actually nicer than Wally World…but I could be making that up, months without the conglomerate convenience could be shaping my perceptions). Then we headed back to PN for our night of debauchery, of which my legs are still store four days later. I got waaay too low on the dance floor and just a little bit drunk, but I don’t regret it, it was damn fun. I slept on the floor in Andrew and Krista’s hotel room and after some ibuprofen in the morning made it back to my host family’s house for packing. That afternoon I met some friends at Java Promo, the nicest and most expensive restaurant in Porto Novo (it’s actually sort of indoors or at least under a big awning) with the best food (mashed potatoes and a vrai salad!). I ended up staying there for 7 hours. Yes, 7 hours. Why you might ask? Well, around 2pm it began to rain and a few minutes after that it was raining harder than I thought it was possible for it to rain and it continued that pattern all afternoon. This intense rain of course keeps people from going out and about…which means there are no zems out either…which means I was stranded. For 7 hours! I actually ventured out at one point, just before ordering my second plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, but only made it about 5 minutes before I was soaked through and still zem-less. I cried a little and laughed a little, the tears just joining the rain. I am 98% sure I looked like a crazy person. So I returned to Java Promo, got a beer, and ate some more for a few more hours. It was actually pretty fun in a glass half-full sort of way. Just one of those completely unavoidable, uncontrollable situations that constantly happen here.

It really doesn’t do any good to be stressed out about stuff like that or to get angry. I’m shocked to say it, but I am already so much more patient than I ever was in the states. A lot of us just repeat to ourselves when shit starts going wrong (like the car breaking down in the middle of the bush, while it’s dark…and raining…and the windows don’t roll up on your taxi that you’ve been riding in for 14 hours on a trip that is supposed to take 7)…we just repeat “be like a boat…be like a boat.” What does a boat do? It goes with the flow…and that is really all you can do here in moments of desperation. It’s all very zen. And they said that only the Peace Corps volunteers from China come home spiritual! (The saying goes that PCVs in Africa come home alcoholics, haha.)

So far the only real downside to my house is the just insane numbers of cockroaches. Unlike at my host family’s, the cockroaches here do not just stay in the bathroom…they pretty much wander around everywhere…and I am horrified to say it, they are actually bigger than the ones in Porto Novo. Like- where is the nuclear reactor?-big. But I’ve gotten strangely okay with the weird flat spiders that my host sister so memorably killed for me. They are ubiquitous here…and they eat a lot of the other annoying bugs, so I’m sort of just letting them be as long as they are on the walls and out of the way. I’ve only seen like three, so it’s not like my house is a spider haven or anything. I swept the place today and I think I’m going to be like the Beninese and do so every day…or at least every other day or so. I think that’s the best way to prevent bugs and other critters from taking up residence with me.

As for my other neighbors, the human ones, I have two other connected houses in my concession and I’ve saluated a bit with some of the voisines (neighbors), but I think it’s just a bunch of men! I haven’t seen any women or kids in the concession, but maybe they’re just dutiful wives cooking all day. The house next to mine totally has a huge satellite dish and I’m pretty sure a baby mango spider (those are the rodent sized adults) is creating a web there. As long as it stays the fuck away from my house I do not care.

Well, Imorou is out of town until Saturday so I don’t think I’ll be going into work until next week…which is totally fine with me. I would like to get a little more settled and comfortable just walking around town before I have to worry about starting specific projects. Technically the first three months are supposed to be tame work wise, just getting to know the ONG and meeting work partners and going out with the sensibilization team to watch. It seems weird I guess, but I have absolutely no idea what I’ll actually be doing for the next two years. And even weirder is that the ambiguity doesn’t really bother me. I want to be here right now and as long as I can have regular phone sex, think I’ll be just fine.

E

PS. I’m not really sure who reads this thing…but I hope the occasional f-bomb and mentions of such activities as phone sex do not dissuade any readers. Someone please let me know if anyone under the age of 12 is reading and I’ll at least consider taking the sailor talk down a notch. kthxbai!


Wednesday, September 22nd

Well, I might have been a little hasty with the assumption of internet. Today the signal only came through for about an hour and even when it came through, it wasn’t actually working. Hopefully next week when I go into work I can get it figured out better. I would really like to get online! I’m way to lazy to go find a cyber right now.

Actually, I think I’m not lazy, but sick! I have been just feeling generally yucky now for over 24 hours. The fever went away, but then came back this evening, but not as high. It was only ever 100.4 anyway, which isn’t anything but a lowgrade fever anyway and the doctors wouldn’t do anything about it unless it lasts for like 4 days. I don’t really have any other symptoms besides ache-y fatigue that so often accompanies fever. I’m drinking enough now, so I’m not dehydrated beyond anything that’s normal. Oh well, ibuprofen helps. If it lasts through Friday I suppose I’ll call the PCMO.

Apparently one of my good friends here has to find a new post! Her homologue lied about having a house for her and now she has to stay with other volunteers until they find a new place for her to live. It’s crazy! Oh, Peace Corps.

Well, I vaguely have to pee, so I think I’m going to venture out into the darkness that is my backyard and try to avoid all the critters that come out at night. I don’t know why I can’t remember to pee before it gets dark!

E


Saturday, September 25th

Yeah, so the internet thing is definitely not going to work. It’s really frustrating because there is a tiny signal that comes through during the work day, but for some reason it has not actually been working. So I might need to get my own internet after all.

And speaking of internet, as soon as my computer charges up a bit more (yeah, I’ve clearly just been risking the electricity, although I AM going to buy a surge protector soon!), I am headed off to a cyber. I don’t really know where I’ll go, but I’m planning on just asking a zem driver to take me to one…who knows where I’ll end up?

I have been basically bored out of my mind for the last week. I’ve watched all the Die Hards, the Bourne Identities, Supremacies, and Ultimatums, finished 5 seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and gotten a quarter of the way through Alias season 1 before I decided that I didn’t really want to use up all of that entertainment before October. So I moved on to other things.

I have written a large majority of my personal statement for medical school. I can’t write all of it yet, though, because I still need to actually DO some health volunteer work before I can actually get those thoughts down. OMG I AM SO BORED

I’ve went to the marche a few times just to buy some random things like tomatoes and onions and bread. I went native yesterday and fried up some wagasi, but now I have like three quarters of a wheel left and I don’t really know how long it is safe to keep…and I am not really in the mood to eat wagasi like 3 days in a row. Plus, I splattered oil all over my kitchen and that stuff is really freaking annoying to clean up.

Tomorrow I’m doing laundry and washing all my dishes and sweeping again. The bug that is living on the cot in the spare bedroom must be invisible because I’ve moved all the stuff around and cannot find it, but I can still hear it at night, moving around. See what I mean? I totally have cabin fever. I need to go to work!

I have my big bed all ready to go, but still need to buy a mattress.

There is some species of giant wasp that has decided to make a nest in my little toilette room. So far I’ve been lucky and have not angered it with my peeing, but I seriously cannot be afraid of my toilette room. That is something that I really just cannot deal with. But there is no way in hell I am going to try to kill the wasp. No way in hell. I wonder how good at killing insects my neighbors are…perhaps I might need to make their acquaintance soon. Or maybe I’ll ask Doug to spray it with insecticide because, like I mentioned earlier, there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to be doing that. No, thanks.

I really miss vache qui rit that my host family gave me and I think I am going to go cherche for some of that today. After I find a cyber and post this ridiculous blog entry.

Oh, and I realized that I don’t have any sheets for a double bed anyway. Aaaargh! It’s going to be November before I actually move into the freaking master bedroom!

What exactly am I doing here, again??!

E

Some Videos of Benin!

At the 50th parade

Old man dancing. He was pretty awesome

Zangbeto! The haystack voodoo spirit. He's usually pretty benign and just wants money from observers. I'm like 90% certain that the guy inside the zangbeto just downs a pint of sodabee before climbing inside. Sodabee is really raunchy moonshine, cheap and effective, can make you go blind...but everyone loves it here.

This is a bit of the journey from Lalo back to Porto Novo, an example of driving "en brousse" or, "in the bush". If you have to pee you just go off into the brush a bit and go...but not too far because there are monkeys and snakes!

Facilitating Behavior Changes (Post Visit Part Deux)

Sunday, September 12th, 2010.

Ok, well it turns out that there’s not really going to be a part deux to my Djougou post visit adventure. Pretty much everyone who needs to know has already heard the details, but I guess I’ll recount them anyway…but it’s not going to be some stylistic masterpiece or anything.

The night after I had my suspiciously delicious dinner with Doug, I woke up with stomach pain and all the associated fixings. The nausea and vomiting, however, were a bit out of the ordinary. The main discomfort came from the fact that after I puked, the nausea would still be very much present, which is usually not the case. You know what I mean; after throwing up, a sense of calm and health returns at least temporarily, even when really sick, until the next bought of nausea and subsequent vomiting occurs. This was just different; I’d puke and instantly feel nauseous again. This lasted until about 7 in the morning when I called the Peace Corps doctor and we chatted for a bit about getting me re-hydrated with ORS (Oral Re-hydrations Solution). Doug brought some over, but the taste was so gross that I just puked it up. So, it was determined after I started feeling dizzy from dehydration that I should probably get some IV fluids in me and stop the nausea. So I rode a zem to the hospital and talked to the doctor there. Doug translated and the doctor spoke a little English, so it really was no big deal. As usual, I was an awful patient, asking way too many questions and being demanding about who performed what procedures on me, etc. It was fine and the doctor stayed with me until all the saline, anti-nausea medication, and the antibiotics and anti-parasite meds had all gone into my veins. The hospital drove me back to where I was staying and I felt a lot better. The next day I just hung out in Djougou, reading and writing and the day after that I took the bus back to Cotonou. I stayed at the Bureau for a day and got checked out by the doctor; they took stool and blood samples and I’ve just been taking it easy since then. All they found was a high white blood cell count because all the killin’ meds got all the bugs by the time they checked. Right now, I feel back to normal. Taking all those meds actually probably killed off whatever I already had that had been making me generally ill for the last few weeks. I don’t think I’ve been this healthy the entire time I’ve been in this country. Honestly, we should all just do a round of ciprofloxin every 2 months or so to clean us out (ok, probably not…we wouldn’t want those fuckers to get resistant now would we?). But yeah, it was pretty trippy and I was definitely damn sick, but all is well that ends well, someone wiser than me once said.

I just spent the last hour with my host bro, Rico, writing and translating a letter for my vrai little brother, Zach. Maman wants them to be like best friends so when Rico comes to the US they can be buddies. Rico is pretty ambitious for his age; he wants to be an architect in the USA. I guess he has a better shot than a girl would, but I’m not exactly seeing it. It is possible, though, but he would really have to study hard and do everything right, which only like 10% of the people in this country actually do. Seriously, for example, like 20 out of 200 high school students in Lalo actually passed the baccelaureate to graduate high school and go to college. But it might be nice to do the penpal thing…except Zach will totally not understand anything Rico writes without translation…so it might just be a one time thing…although Rico can understand a little English probably, I don’t really see it evolving too far unless Zach wants to learn French haha.

On Wednesday I am cooking an American meal for the family. I’m going to do pancakes, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. There isn’t syrup, so I’m doing peanut butter and honey instead for on top. There will be tomatoes, onions, pimante, and wagasi in the scrambled eggs and the hash browns will be epic as well. I hope they like it, but they probably won’t. But I think pate is pretty nasty, so I guess we can debate our national dishes anytime. I’m pretty sure pancakes will win every time. Probably because America is the greatest country in the world. Just sayin’.

Tomorrow we find out the results of our last French interview. I did absolutely horribly in my interview, absolutely worse than the second interview, so I don’t really foresee any great results tomorrow. In fact, I’m a little concerned that I epically failed. Like, not even joking, I might not get to swear in. If that becomes the case, and I suppose I’ll reach that bridge when I come to it, I’m going to fight to be allowed to swear in anyway. I know I can survive with my level of French and I’ll get a tutor and test again in a few weeks. But maybe I did okay. But…I really bombed it. So. Yeah.

Well, swear in may or may not be on Friday. We are partying it up afterward at a hotel in Porto Novo and the next day purchasing a lot of stuff and packing up to move to our permanent posts. I’ll probably be leaving on Sunday, the 19th, taking a taxi with my bike, mattress, water filter, lockbox, and all my books and luggage and other random crap I’ve accumulated here with me. The next day is my birthday and I will be cleaning my house and settling in. I will also be cooking a Mexican fiesta and hopefully my buddy Josh from Boukoumbe will be coming down to have a few beers and help me celebrate a bit.

I’m actually not sure when the next time I’ll be online will be. I’m pretty sure there is internet at my office and I can bring my laptop and plug in…but I really really do not want to start working until I’ve at least gotten my big bed. The idea of having to go into work at like 8am immediately after getting to post sort of freaks me out; I need a few days to just unwind and get my bearings. I need to make sure the house is clean and devoid of rodent sized spiders and I’d like to make it feel a bit like a home if I can. It IS pink, which helps tremendously, so there’s that. But I will bring my laptop to work sometime next week and give a quick update. If I’m freakishly lucky, the wifi from the office will seep into my house, but I rather doubt it. But I am like practically connected to the office. My house is literally in the backyard of PSI. If I could get internet in my house I would be ecstatic.

Speaking of mild altering states, I just read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and my mind was totally blown. I never got through it as a kid and whoa, I had no idea what the book was about. Totally wild and got me thinking about the duality of nature and what the real differences are between science and art. It definitely made me appreciate my dad a lot more. And speaking of my dad…

HE BOUGHT THE TICKETS!!! Colt’s ticket to come and visit me has been officially purchased! He is leaving the US of A on the 17th of December and after a long layover in Casablanca, he’ll be arriving in Cotonou early in the morning of the 19th. I’ll pick him up via taxi and we’ll go back to my hotel room until 8am when we’ll take the bus to Djougou. We’ll stay at my place through Christmas and then go up to Pendjari, the national park, to have us an African safari. I think we’ll probably stay one or two nights there and then come back to my house for the New Year. On the 4th we’ll head back to Cotonou and he leaves the next day. He’ll be here for 17 days and I am SO HAPPY! We have 97 days until then, but I’m just glad it’s double and not triple digits. The longest we’ve had a countdown for was like 120 days, so we’re golden. Although if you add the 61 days that I’ve already been here…that’s like 158 days or something, but whatever. December 18th I’ll leave Djougou and come down to Cotonou for the night. Ahhhh, I’m so happy!

I’ve watched like a million episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and now I’m just like yelling at everyone…which is awkward because my French is so completely awful. I’ve also watched Law Abiding Citizen (great premise, lame ending), Blood Diamond, the Constant Gardener, and my personal absolutely favorite, Avatar. I love that movie, I wish I could live on Pandora and/or be an awesome, in-tune-with-nature huntress. I would totally eat meat if I had stalked and captured my prey. I think if you are willing to eat meat, you should be willing to take the animal’s life. If you can’t do it, don’t eat it. I’m like this weird vegetarian who totally wants to be badass and hunt and be one with nature in this spiritual symbiosis, but the idea of eating meat sort of squicks me out, unlike the meat eaters for whom the killing is distasteful. You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? Anyway, I like movies and I wish I had a whole lot more of them. Mostly, I want Twilight and Eclipse and New Moon if it’s out. Because just the other day I was thinking about how much I loved watching Bella and Edward’s crazy crazy love tension on screen and realized that I had gotten all my movies from a dude. So I have a lot of Die Hard and not a lot of Twilight. Which is fine most of the time, but I can only watch something like the Hangover so many times.

But I guess I can continue reading the super true tale of the Grateful Dead, a book I found in the workstation library. I almost started reading this theo apologist book that uses physics to prove the Judeo-Christian God, and then realized that if he had in fact done so I probably already would have heard of it and I wouldn’t need to learn it from a paperback book published in the 80s. The workstation libraries definitely have a strange assortment of stuff, including stories of Peace Corps service, which is like the last thing I want to read right now. It’s weird that I was so obsessed with reading about the Peace Corps for so long and now that I’m living it I have no desire to even think about someone else’s experience. I can barely process my own. I definitely have no desire to read another Peace Corps blog for as long as I’m here. I can barely keep up the enthusiasm for my own! Once things settle down for me in my new house, I don’t think there will be a lot going on to report about and I doubt I’ll be updating more than a few times a month. I don’t want to bore anyone, geez.

And on that note, I just want to add that dad totally sent me the biochemistry/pathology text book that KU med uses in it’s beginning seminars and I am totally going to learn the shit out of it. I am a little concerned that my anticipation for this book is exponentially higher than my excitement about my birthday, swear in, moving to my new house, and even cooking for myself, but I’m going to have science! Yay!

XOXO,

Elaina


Monday, September 13th

Yay, my birthday is in a week, woot woot! I think I actually might have a few packages in the mail, too…so even if I don’t get anything for my birthday I should still get something SOON.

I passed my language interview! Intermediate high is what I will swear-in as, which is completely fine with me. I think sometimes I can perform at an Advanced low level, but not consistently enough and it was definitely not showcased in my last interview. I’m just glad I get to go to the big ceremony. All the different sectors have matching tissue and I am picking up my traditional African style dress (called a modele) on Wednesday from the tailor. I asked for some embroidery that was sparkly and very pretty, so hopefully it’s awesome looking. I’m not too picky, though.

So swear-in is on Friday and we only have tomorrow and a half day on Wednesday left of classes. Tomorrow we’re at Songhai for the last time and I’ll post my last blog from training! After that these blog entries will be from an officially sworn-in Peace Corps volunteer, jigga-what?! Haha

I have started writing the tale of my love story with Colt. It’s pretty ridiculously sappy, actually. We’re incredibly cute with some pretty interesting stories in the history of our relationship so I think it’ll make decent writing. We’ll see; at the very least it’s cathartic for me to write it. I spent like two hours the other day re-reading all the old notes that Colt had given me from high school and than dreamed that we were still in the very beginning of our relationship with all those first concerns and dramas. We were both really different back then and we’ve changed a lot, but somehow we’re still compatible after all those changes.

I did the calculations and right now, he and I have physically been together for more time than we have physically been apart, even considering four years of long distance in college. With his visits and my semester at KSU, we’ve been together for just over a week longer than we’ve been apart. The bad news is that in about three days that balance will even up and then switch over to the majority of our relationship being spent physically apart from each other. The even worse news is that we won’t get back to half way and then surpass it until like September of 2014. So, that sucks. Especially when I think about how probably in the course of the next two years I’m going to actually get to spend a whole four or five weeks with him in total, and that’s it. Uuuughhhhh, depressing.

Happier things now.

Velveeta shells macaroni and cheese. This can be sent to me. And should be in high numbers.

Wow, it is astonishing how quickly that thought made me feel better. I really do love cheese and I have not had any real stuff since July 15th when I had my last meal of a subway sandwich with extra provolone, toasted just so the cheese begins to melt. Aaaahhhhhhh.

I miss cooking with Colt, making really random meals and trying to pair it with a wine or beer. Colt made a Mexican casserole (aka ‘mexicas’) a few days ago and I was more homesick and missing him than I had been in weeks. It’s like for some reason the thought of good, spicy Mexican food and Colt just go hand in hand with me missing America. That and the other homesick-inducing combo of pizza, Colt, and an action movie. That’s always a nice one, especially with a good beer (ou bien, a diet coke) thrown in the mix. Ok, screw Benin; I’m coming back!

Nooooot really. But damn I am sick of couscous which is sort of crazy because it’s the dish that is so good they named it twice.

Ok, enough of this nonsense, I’m going to go read about Jerry Garcia and the Dead.

With love from the dark continent of your imagination,

E


Tuesday, September 14th

Well, clearly I did not post my blog from yesterday. That is because the internet at Songhai was not working at all. The ladies behind the counter wouldn’t even let me buy any time because it was not going to be working any time in the foreseeable future. Today we signed a bunch of forms and finalized a lot of the plans for swear-in and the party afterward as well as when our taxis are leaving to go to our posts. It was super fun. Relatedly, we get our money for move in pretty soon so we’ll be able to buy a bunch of stuff before we leave…which is awesome. Also awesome: we have only one day of classes left!! Ahhhhhhh

Not so awesome: there are a couple people who did not pass their language requirement. They do not get to officially swear in and must take extra language classes and then re-test in a month. At that point they will be allowed to officially swear-in and their service of two years begins then. So basically, they have to spend an extra month in the Peace Corps because of it. That totally sucks and I think we can all see ourselves in that position. I mean, I was really not feeling good about my interview and feel like I could have easily been placed in that position. So they have definitely got my sympathy.

I talked to some ecotourism people today and decided that colt and I should hit up the safari thing pretty much right when he gets here, like spend a night in Djougou and then spend the next two nights on safari, that way we will have plenty of time afterward to really get to hang out and be comfortable. Apparently right before Christmas is a pretty good time to go, too, because it’s the dry season and that means that all the watering holes available to the animals are known to the guides and it is easier to spot them. I’m pretty stoked!

I learned that flossing your teeth once a day can help prevent heart disease. So I’m totally doing that now; go me.

Ok, I cannot believe how boring this has become. Next time I get online I’m going to have something interesting to talk about, I promise.

E

Nakayo! Part Un

That means "welcome" in Dendi, the local language of my village!

Ok, so let me just say that wow, it has been a long time since I have been away from my computer and I am realizing that I have definitely not been absconding from technology since I’ve been in Africa. I have pretty regularly updated this blog despite the fact that I no longer find anything in my day to day existence particularly interesting, unless you consider incredible bureaucratic frustration to be especially engaging. However, the last week that I have spend sans computer has been one of legit trials and tribulations, as it were, although not much of those trials were directly related to technological-withdrawl. While in Djougou I got really bad food poisoning, was throwing up bad enough that I was super dehydrated, and ended up needing to go to the local hospital for intravenous intervention. Now, seriously, before anyone freaks out, I am fine and back in Porto Novo, safe and sound. The Peace Corps doctors advised me the entire time and everything was clean and safe. That said, it was pretty intense.

I suppose I’ll just tell the little post visit tale chronologically, but know that as I write this I am at full health with my trusty anti parasitic pills, and that I really liked Djougou. I’m also breaking this post visit into two parts; my thrilling tale of food poisoning will come later, but first let me recount all the other parts of my journey! The writing is a bit more story-like, which was definitely more fun to write than normal blog entries have been.

Ok.

Djougou Post Visit Part Un

The first day of visit began at 5:00am when I left my host family to walk to the school where the van was picking us up to take us to the bus. It was still dark outside as I walked to school and the entire city was transformed into a weird, mysterious landscape that only made not speaking french that much more frustrating when dark shadows called out things to me. Once I was on the bus, I managed to use up the entire battery of my ipod within an hour and my homologue, Imorou, and I didn’t really have much to discuss beyond the basic familiarities. I think we both realized we’d be spending a lot of time together in the future and there was no need to waste the glorious air-conditioning of the bus to actually attempt to engage in a conversation en franglais (an intriguing blend of French and English). We stopped in Bohicon, a lovely little town that will be hosting Heather and Craig, and there for the first time in my life, paid someone to allow me to pee in a hole. It was cheap, but one would think that the very act of paying to urinate necessitates some sort of sanitary conditions, but that was definitely faux.

Once we arrived in Djougou, Imorou kindly discute’d (“dis-queue-tay’d” a franglais word of tres importance that means negotiation) a good price for a meal of yam pilee with wagasi. Yam pilee is like pate (sticky and solid and white without any hint of nutritional value…comes from yams…which are not like one would expect; here they are these giant freakishly hairy grey tubers that resemble firewood. To make the pilee, the yams are mashed and boiled and mashed again and then molded into a strange gelatinous pile to eat by hand with the sauce) but unlike pate, yam pilee is actually sort of good. It tastes a bit like mashed potatoes if they were made by anyone not my mother or myself (there are few things as delicious and incomparable as my mother’s mashed potatoes). They lack a little salt, but with the thick, spicy tomato sauce and the freshly fried, crispy wagasi, yam pilee is definitely my favorite traditional Beninese food I’ve experienced thus far.

Wednesday night I just hung out with my homestay family in Djougou, which ended up actually being a quasi-hotel with clean sheets and my own room, but so much noise outside that I wished I had brought my earplugs or not used up all my ipod battery on the drive. The woman who was supposed to house me was sick and I instead slept at her place of business, a tissage center, a new, French built compound where groups of women get together to weave various colorful fabrics. It is actually the place where Doug, my post mate and host brother from another mother (he had my host family last year), works with his homologue in the Small Business Development sector. The place was nice and the people nicer; the children outside were screaming the screams of children playing, the noise was supplemented by the other key sounds of the West African town: goats, guinea fowl, and the ever-so-present muezzin of the many mosques that dot the horizon in the city. That night I ate some strangely spicy rice and bean dinner (washed down with half a liter of unfiltered, unboiled water before I realized what I was doing and poured it down the drain), listened to the muezzin in his minaret and read my book called Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs, and Labor in the American Black Market (if possible, I’ve become even more of a voracious reader here in Benin as well as increasingly, annoyingly liberal. By the end of the book I was ready to argue about the legalization of marijuana to anyone who was bored enough to listen…which was essentially the huge cockroach that ended up dying next to my bed that night). The third half of the book was all about pornography and nudged between discussions of Hugh Hefner and the porn connections to the mafia, there was a mention of my NGO, Population Services International (PSI) as having been started by a guy who wanted to sell novelty items by mail in the US and contraceptives in the developing world. Well, there ya go.

The next day was Thursday and at PSI I was introduced to the Djougou staff who all tried to speak English with me. I thought about asking them about their organization’s humble beginnings, but didn’t think either my French nor my English was sufficient to discuss mail order sex toys at any great length. Everyone seemed really nice and well educated and fully enjoying the air-conditioning and the high speed internet. A few people really joked around with me and I think that I will actually have a bit of fun working there. Imorou and I went out on a little visit to a neighboring village a few kilometers out and met up with a sage-femme at a maternite to collect from her records information about STIs and contraceptive use in her region. Imorou diligently recorded the numbers and we chatted with her for a bit. The place was eerily quiet; all the public health workers in Benin are en grave, on strike, right now for more money from the government. I asked what people do if they get sick and she just smiled and said that they all still work on Fridays.

I was able to see my house that afternoon and let me tell ya, I was not thrilled with my first impression. It had been taken back by Africa; reclaimed by the gods to the insects and creatures of this continent. Spiders, lizards, heretofore unseen bugs of various varieties, cobwebs, freaky looking plants. All that paled in comparison to the maestro, la grande, the largest fucking spider that has ever been conceived outside of a Hollywood horror film. This spider was the size of a large, well-fed rodent, although not nearly as hairy and it was hanging out in a thick, dewy web next to my shower just waiting for an unsuspecting child to wander into it’s nest, Shelob style. I’m talking ten inches from the tip of it’s disturbingly pointy front legs to the back of it’s claw-like nether regions, with a dark, sinister body as thick and robust as my fist. MY FIST. I actually don’t think I’ve seen a larger spider in cinema, except for the Tolkein creation, Aragog from HP, and those freaky Jumanji spiders that gave me the heebie-jeebies for years. Yeah, you remembers those. Imorou killed it valiantly with a stick and I have been assured that the body has been properly disposed of. Doug guaranteed that la grande was not a normal occurrence, a reassurance that was very necessary after Imorou insisted I stay at the house and get habituated to them. Yeah, I don’t want to be that bien ingre, thanks.

Despite the lurking arachnid horror, the house is lovely. I have a few things to be made by the menusier, like a bookshelf, double bed, a few shelves here and there, and a clothes rack, but I have already a make-shift couch, a coffee table, two living room chairs, a dining table with four chairs, a desk, a cot, an extra twin bed, and some duct taped newspaper clippings from the 2008 World Series as decoration. Most of my move in allowance will be spent on carpentry, kitchen supplies, and some cool paintings if they are not too expensive. The house is big and right next door to PSI. I think I’m going to try for a garden outside in my concession if it is okay with my 2 neighbors, although I doubt they’ll care if I give them some tomatoes or moringa leaves free of charge every now and again. I have a guava tree beside the house, but my favorite thing about my house is that there is a mango tree right in front of my little stone porch and I can absolutely see me and Colt sitting underneath it in the hot African winter, eating warm mangoes that have just fallen from above us. It’s like a Jack Johnson song in my front yard, which is just dandy for me although it makes me miss him even more.

That night I had another ‘whoa Africa’ moment looking up at the stars while on the roof of the buvette near my house, on the outskirts of the town where the noises fade away after dark. Doug and I met up to get to know each other a little bit better and have a couple drinks and somehow we ended up on the roof with the very drunk proprietor and a bowl of yam frites while drunk dialing Maman Rico in Porto Novo. I was drinking a petite Beninoise, the local beer of Benin, which is also the feminine nationality here (one could think I was ordering up a small Beninese woman for the evening if that sort of thing happened here, which it does, just not by other women). We had lapsed into a comfortable silence despite the odd moto horn in the distance, unintelligible insect noises in the bush, and the reassuring snores of the bar owner next to us. The moment was subtle, I hardly noticed it to be honest, but I looked up and realized that all the stars seemed somehow nearer and brighter than I’d ever seen before in my life and immediately after that realized that that moment was the first time I was really seeing the unaltered African sky. Because I’d only been in big cities thus far and was too tired and stressed on tech visit in Lalo, I’d managed to miss one of the most simple and breathtaking sights this continent has to offer.

I spent Friday at the Centre de Sante, the health center, and talked with the sage-femmes and lab techs there. I actually watched a women, who only spoke Dendi, get the implant contraceptive, Jadelle (like Norplant) contraceptive inserted into her upper arm in the morning and sat in on a positive HIV test informing meeting in the afternoon. Both of those were pretty intense for different reasons. The first one was pleasing to me because I really enjoy procedures and seeing them done is always exciting for me to learn more about how the human body works and responds to stress. I am always impressed with both the resiliency of the patient’s body and amazed by what looks like a callous roughness from the physician or nurse. Imorou was with me during the insertion and he mumbled reassuring things to the woman in Dendi while taking photos of me dripping iodine solution onto a gauze pad for the midwife. After that we saw the lab where one of the doctors was just about to get the results for an HIV test he was working on. We waited while the little strip began to clearly show the outline of a positive sign and I found myself choking back tears as he explained that the woman, also a non-French speaker and Muslim, was waiting in the other room to get the results. I sat next to him in his office while he called her in. Her face was veiled completely save for her eyes, which were outlined with black and flashed boldly. When the door was closed behind her, she removed her veil and sat down, silent. Without the cover, her gaze was less bold and more tired; the lines of the years had begun to write themselves in the corners of her eyes. I glanced down at the papers in front of the physician and noticed that she was thirty years old and that she was pregnant. Looking while trying not to stare, I could see she was just starting to show under her robes, the swell not more than 6 months old. I expected him to greet her, open the conversation carefully, doucement, break the news as gently as possible, but that didn’t happen. He simply pulled out a stack of cotrimazidole pills from his desk drawer and handed them to her; she didn’t even blink as she tucked them into her waistband.

Later, after a suspiciously tasty dinner at Le Cafetariat le Flamboyant, a buvette/salad joint near the bus stop, it began to rain harder than I‘ve ever experienced. I was lounging on the bed, the mosquito net still flipped up, not yet ready for the night, fanning myself and reflecting on the Dendi that I had managed to pick up during the last couple days (Nasuba--bonjour, Me teg gah?-- comment ca va?, baani--ca va bien, nagbe--merci). I was laying there, trying to think over the noises of the guinea fowl, children, and mosques, vaguely hoping that the still distant cramping in my gut would soon abate, when the skies abruptly opened up with the crack of lightning. My door had been open to the warm evening and the tiled floor was instantly soaked with the sudden African rain. I felt the heat immediately dissipate as I jumped up to close the door against the barrage. I noticed something else as I stood there, the rain soaking through my clothes. It was easy to miss if you weren’t listening, but the sound of the rain was so complete that it filled the room perfectly and silenced all the other sounds of the city save for the pounding hush of the downpour.

A Cockroach story

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Yesterday the Peace Corps gave all of us trainees an official memo declaring that we were not allowed to attend the Akon concert that evening because of unspecified specific security and safety concerns for us. I had already decided to not go because it would have been super awkward with just my papa, but even so I was a little bit irritated that they waited until the day of the concert to actually forbid us from going. What if people already had tickets? I know current volunteers went, though, despite the strong suggestion that they not go as well.

So I’m back in Porto Novo and week 7 is just getting ready to start. We meet our counterparts/homologues/work partners tomorrow at Songhai in the afternoon. This is a person that we are assigned to work with in our partner institution. For example, because I am working with PSI, my work partner will be someone who works in the same building as me, doing basically the same kind of work I’ll be doing. They may or may not have more authority at work than we will, but they definitely know more about the place. On a work related note, I apparently have air conditioning at my office. Awesome. But at the same time, the girl I am replacing was telling me yesterday that she didn’t have a lot of room to pick her own projects, that PSI really just gave her a very structured work environment. That is a bit of a bummer for me. Usually RCH volunteers have buckets of free time and really need to be self motivated. Since motivation is not exactly a trait I lack, I could do very well in an unstructured environment. I mean, I know I’ll do fine with heavy structure, too, I think I just would have preferred more freedom in the selection of my projects. But. My house and living arrangements are going to be so awesome that I feel like I’m not allowed to complain and everyone insists that I can do a secondary project with a midwife if I want. So, we’ll see.

And on va voir really soon, because Wednesday we are shipping out to go on our post visit. As usual, the Peace Corps hasn’t really given us much information on what to expect at post visit or what we’ll be doing or where we’ll be staying or any other seemingly important logistical stuff that we’d like to know more than two days in advance like how we’re getting there in the first place. So somehow at sometime on Wednesday with some unknown number of other people I will be taking the 8 odd hour trip up to Djougou. I think I’ll be going with my new work partner. I know I’ll be there four nights and that I’ll be shown around town and the office and hopefully have a chance to get some stuff for the house if I need it. My buddy, Josh, who will be up in Boukoumbe (boo-KOOM-bay) offered to give me a Teflon frying pan, so that’s one nice kitchen item I won’t have to buy at Erevan. Depending on how big it is, I’ll probably get another one. I like having a big one and a littler one. I think I’m going to make a detailed list about the things I need for the kitchen as well as the rest of the house while I’m up there. I’m pretty sure I’ll be staying in the house during those days; if they say no, I’ll probably just insist that I get to. I really need some alone time haha

I feel quite a bit better health wise, but not really at 100%. To a certain extent, I don’t think I will feel fully recovered while in Africa. There’s parasites and amoebas and bacteria in pretty much everything and basically you just get used to feeling sort of icky all the time. Cara, a volunteer up north, was telling me that some volunteers are just plain rude to other people who are sick because it’s just something you have to get used to and deal with. Of course serious illnesses are a different story, but the sort of general gastrointestinal discomfort we’ve all been having on and off for the last 7 weeks is just something that will get easier to handle the longer we experience it. I don’t know, the idea of some new, strange African creatures living in my gut really freaked me out at first; I was committed to boiling and filtering all my water no matter how clean it looked for my entire service, but more and more I’m finding that I can see myself being a little more lax like the other volunteers have gotten over the years. I mean, I’ve been super diligent about it and I’m still sick all the time, so as long as I have pipe water and not a well, I don’t see anything wrong with skipping the boiling step. It takes like 10 hours for the water to cool down afterward anyway and during Chaleur I don’t think the water will cool down for days. Although, I will probably have a fridge which will help. I haven’t decided yet and I’ll probably boil for a while at post just to be safe. But damn, I’m pretty lazy, and if PSI has me working hard all day in the office, I’ll be tired, too! Haha

So I thought I’d end this entry with a little story. Yesterday I woke up, used the bathroom and showered and then came back into my bedroom to find a cockroach up on his back, legs wiggling madly in the middle of the room. Because I was running late and I remembered that the last time this scenario had presented itself resulted in the death of and easy removal by broom of the cockroach, I simply left for school and decided to deal with it later. Well, later arrived and I was still too tired and lazy. So I decided that the corpse (I checked it by blowing on it; it was dead) could probably hang out in my room overnight and I’d sweep my room in the morning while I did all my other cleaning chores. This morning I arose and looked for the broom, but when I returned, the dead cockroach was no where to be found. At first I thought, “holy shit, the blow test didn’t work!” and assumed he had somehow flipped back over and scurried away to continue his life. But I found that implausible, especially since as I peered down to his final resting place I noticed something very strange and disturbing. Laying there, in the very place his body had been just the night before, were two dismembered appendages of said cockroach. Instantly I knew what had happened. Sometime in the night, some other critters or creatures unknown surreptitiously entered my bedroom and mutilated the body of the recently deceased insect and either carted away or consumed them while I slept peaceful nearby, blissfully unaware. Ok, eww. There are four possibilities for the perpetrators. One, one cockroach or several other cockroaches have turned cannibalistic. Two, one of those giant flat spiders came out of hiding for a tasty treat. Three, lizards. I’ve seen them in my room in the evenings and they look like cockroaches would be their fav. Four, and this is the most likely of them all… ants. Yes, ants. Jess Bruce recounted a story to me about a dead cockroach being carted off by a colony of ants while she was living here. Because of the eerie similarity between the two situations, I cannot help but lean in the direction of the ants. But damn, why did they not want the arms?!

This is my entertainment, people. This is what I have become! Where is that biochem text book??!

I just finished cleaning my diamond ring and I was totally surprised at how dirty it was. I had no idea! It looks all new and shiny now and I’ve been thinking a lot about being engaged. It doesn’t actually feel all that different to me than how serious we were before (a fact that I had to insist upon to the Peace Corps people so I could actually go!). But at the same time, there is something different about it. I guess the significance is mostly in how people respond to it. “Boyfriend” is so much less important sounding than “fiancé” and it’s funny because for the last two or so years, “boyfriend” has not really been an acceptable term to adequately express our relationship to other people. By using “fiancé” and having the ring, people don’t question my commitment to him. The other trainees with significant others back home are seen by the single people here as basically fair game, but I am completely off the market, as if I were married. I mean, it’s nice, but it would be frustrating if I were not engaged, but just as serious about us. I don’t know, I’m rambling, but suffice it to say that I am really glad that I am not going to be participating in the Peace Corps hook-up and rumor mill. Apparently everyone gets with everyone else and everyone else knows about it. I feel way too old for that shit, haha.

So apparently the mosquitoes in my house are strong because the first maman had malaria! I asked her today after dinner what was on her hand and she told me it was from an IV when she was at the hospital yesterday because she caught the palu (palu is short for paludisme which means malaria). I told her she should sleep under a mosquito net and she said she already did. But there are like a million mosquitoes out in the living room in the evenings, so I guess there’s no avoiding it. I guess if you’re not on prophylactics there’s really no way to prevent getting bitten by an infected mosquito. It’s kind of cool because I totally have the malaria parasites in my body right now, but the mefloquine keeps the symptoms away. Totally rad, but it means that even if I left Benin right now and didn’t get any more bites, if I stopped taking the meds I could get malaria in like a month. Also, sometimes the parasites stay dormant in the liver and can resurface in like 10 years! Wild stuff. Related to mamans, I haven’t seen the young maman in like two weeks. I think she and papa are having a fight or something. which is understandable since he’s got two wives living in the same house. I’d probably be in a fight a lot, too.

E