My Description of Service, or Every PCV's Validation

Well, I'm getting on a plane here in just about 18 hours and I wanted to post my DOS. After this post, I probably won't update again about Peace Corps, but may put up a general: oh hai, please come to my new blog over at HopeMD, type post.

Anyway, here's my last year and a half, condensed into two pages. The official copy is signed by my country director and kept on file on official letterhead. Ooh, official. Oh, and PS. I totally tested into ADVANCED LOW in my last language interview. I was pretty excited to have actually gone up a level since swear-in, especially because I was so worried I'd actually gotten worse! So there ya go, even someone with novice level in the beginning can finish up in advanced. Go me!


Ok, DOS time:

Elaina Hope ________
Description of Service
 July 2010-November 2011

REPUBLIC OF BENIN, WEST AFRICA

TRAINING
Pre-Service Learning  (July 14 – September 17, 2010)
1 Language (87 hours) Classroom study of French; current level: Advanced Low.
2 Technical Training (118 hours) Overview of Beninese healthcare system, comprehensive training on integrated disease management, maternal health, and infant and child health; 10 hours practice trainings and activities in the community.
3 Cross-Culture (35.15 hours) Discussion on Beninese history, geography and, traditions; professional and social culturally appropriate behavior and communication.
4 Health (22.5 hours) First aid, preventive and symptom oriented medical procedure, diagnosis and treatment.
5 Safety and Security (8.5 hours) Instruction on safety practices in Benin and ways to stay secure at post as well as incident reporting procedures.

In-Service Training (December 2010): An intensive two week training that reviewed strategies for community assessment, funding streams, and provided and introduction to promoting behavior change. Instruction also focused on PD Hearth, a nutritional recuperation program and Life Skills, a Peace Corps resource designed to promote communication skills that will enable healthy decision making.

In-Service Training (May 2011): A five-day training on community mobilization for malaria prevention and organizing populations to become health resources and leaders in their community.

PRIMARY PROJECT: RURAL COMMUNITY HEALTH PROGRAM (RCH)
Population Services International (September 2010-November 2011): Worked primarily with the office of PSI-Djougou assisting the communications director with social marketing and health education programming in the regions of the Atacora and Donga. Assisted with the smooth operation of the office and compiled monthly reports and tracking of impacts on the community in the areas of reproductive health and HIV/AIDS peer education trainings. Accompanied PSI on regional formations, assisting with logistics and documentation of activities and progress as well as the synthesis of gathered information and reporting. Assisted the office staff with learning English and regularly participated in translations of documents and paperwork.
HIV/AIDS and Reproductive Health (October 2010-November 2011):  Assisted nurses midwives with the placing of contraceptive devices such as upper arm contraception implants, sexual health consultations, and HIV/AIDS testing and counseling. Participated in discussions of healthy relationships and sexual behavior with community women including condom demonstrations and other family planning options.
Vaccination and Baby Weighing (January 2011): Participated in the facilitation of discussions with community women about healthy nutrition for their newborns and children during baby weighing sessions and weekly vaccinations. Helped nurses and health workers track infants’ progress on growth charts and described healthy meals and options to mothers as well as information about exclusive breastfeeding and malaria prevention.
Pre-Natal Consultation Assistance (September-November 2010): Assisted with Pre-Natal consultation at the maternity center with procedures in conjunction with health workers.

SECONDARY PROJECTS/ACTIVITIES
Peace Corps Volunteer Discussion Day (October 2011): Spent the day talking to high school students in the United States while on vacation, discussing cultural life and development work in Benin and answering questions about the application process, life abroad, and social media while in the Peace Corps.
Running Club (October 2010-September 2011): Had semi-weekly informal running sessions with local kids and adolescents and talked about the importance of regular exercise and nutrition.
English Instruction (March-September 2011): Provided informal lessons of English language instruction with community members and colleagues.
Science, Engineering, and Entrepreneurial Camp (August 2011): Acted as the lead science instructor for a two week course of 60 middle school aged kids. Discussed theory and practice of basic science concepts and designed and implemented several science projects (water rocket, solar water distillation, terrarium, science of sound). Assisted kids with the presentation skills necessary to inform and recreate the projects on their own and oversaw the final community science fair.
Camp GLOW Bohicon (July 2011): Participated in five day empowerment camp for girls as a camp counselor. Facilitated sexual and reproductive health sessions and assisted with the smooth operation of the camp.
Camp Success Djougou (June 2011): Invited girls to participate in the week long girls’ empowerment camp and was a logistics coordinator during the week. Developed and facilitated several sessions, including life skills and women’s rights. Designed sexual and reproductive health sessions and assisted a local midwife with answering questions. Maintained copies and information of projects and progress for sustainability and posterity of future girls’ camps in the region.

It's been fun! I'll miss you all, but be sure to check out my new, med school adventures blog, HopeMD, on wordpress. Thanks everyone!

What I'll Miss About Benin (and what I definitely will not miss!)

I have just under 24 hours left in Benin and I've been thinking a lot about my time here over the last year and a half and what I've really come to love and those things that really drive me crazy. I don't know if I'll miss all these things right away or if it'll take months or even years for me to have a craving for something on the list, but who knows? Here it is, my two lists. Warning, it's pretty long.


Things I’ll miss about Benin:

-the sound of women pounding yams at dusk
-the five times per day call to prayer at the mosques around Djougou
-the sound of the rain on my tin roof while I’m laying in bed
-riding on the back of a zem at night with the cool air rushing by
-seeing and wearing colorful fabric and fun outfits everywhere
-women carrying baskets of whatever on their heads
-cute, free roaming, bratty Beninese kids (even though they annoy me, too!)
-adorable baby goats and chickens running around
-yam pilee…sooooo delicious
-wagasi…there are no words for how awesome and unique this food is
-a cold, refreshing beer after a crazy hot day, especially with other PCVs
-hanging out and venting with other volunteers
-the excitement of making American food and drinks with other volunteers
-watching movies at the Nati workstation
-ordering fries at the Nati workstation
-hanging out with my Beninese friends, just sitting or making small talk
-teaching sexual health and seeing the look of understanding in people’s eyes
-greeting strangers on the street
-French, especially Franglais, the combination of French and English
-random sayings like ‘bon assise, bon travail, bon douche.’ It’s just so friendly!
-constant sunshine and feeling like summer (although Chaleur sucks)
-Zaari and cuddling with her…omg, I can’t even think about her, too sad!
-sitting out in my back porch at night smoking a cigarette and looking up at the stars in total silence, feeling small and awed by the world and my place in it
-long runs in the African bush, the red dirt dusting my shoes
-mango season
-joking around with my work partners
-the camaraderie between volunteers and shared experience of living in Africa
-being the center of attention, someone always interesting and worth talking to
-inexpensive and simple living
-lizards running around like squirrels
-the colorful craziness of the market place
-the awesome tan lines on my feet from my Chacos
-the simple joy of eating a good meal and watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother
-the excitement of others when I speak Dendi, the local language
-not having to shave and just being a dirty hippie
-Harmattan, the windy season, and the fires late into the night, burning on the horizon
-the poignancy of the first, cooling rain of the season
-feeling like I’m making a difference in people’s lives, sometimes in unintended ways
-crazy, unexpected setbacks and the lessons learned (although it is very frustrating, too!)
-feeling like I’m part of something bigger than myself

Things I won’t miss about Benin:

-13 hour bus rides in the heat surrounded by BO and noisy chickens and babies
-constant sexual harassment
-extreme pollution and trash everywhere
-Chaleur, the hot season
-frequent power outages and water being cut
-screaming babies and children
-seeing kids get beat and generally abused
-seeing malnutrition and poverty related illness
-feeling ultimately useless in the big picture of development
-waking up hot and sweaty and gross
-always feeling dirty, never perfectly clean all over
-not being able to cool off or stop sweating after a run even hours after a cold shower
-having my privacy constantly invaded by neighbors and kids
-never being able to be anonymous or walk around without getting called out
-YOVO, YOVO, BONSOIR, CA VA BIEN, MERCI!
-getting called "yovo", "batoure", "anasara", "blanche", "blondie", or "mademoiselle"
-pretty much everything in Cotonou except for the good food and workstation internet
-the subtle pressure from some other volunteers to drink and party heavily
-feeling inadequate as a volunteer and aid worker
-boring and carb heavy food options
-constant sickness and diarrhea and constipation
-having to filter water and always be conscious of how safe the water is
-bleaching vegetables to have a fresh salad
-doing laundry by hand
-bugs and spiders and having to spray and kill them
-mosquitoes and weekly malaria prophylaxis
-constant boredom
-missing friends and family and feeling guilty for being so far away
-LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP and all the crappiness that goes with it
-getting physically grabbed at the market place
-the bureaucracy of the Peace Corps
-feeling stranded at post or frustrated with outside communication or internet
-casual cruelty to animals
-the informal attitude toward time and keeping appointments
-hearing creepy rustling sounds at night and freaking out about what it could be
-sunburns and worrying about getting skin cancer
-gross, always dirty and cracked feet
-fearing for my safety on crazy taxi rides
-being frustrated at the slow pace of life (although I’ve learned a lot, too!)
-having to discuter for prices
-feeling lonely and homesick
-being constantly asked for gifts and money and to be taken to America
-Nescafe. That stuff is nasty. I don’t care how desperate you are. Just say no.

Oh, Benin. It's been life changing and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I am ready for a change! I'm not sure if I'll be back on this blog except to post my DOS, but if you'd like, you can keep following my life journey, here at my medical school blog on wordpress.

Keep on rocking!

Elaina

I'll be home for Christmas

Well, it's official! I am leaving the Peace Corps a few months early to go home, help my family out, and make some money before medical school. The decision was definitely a tough one and one I analyzed for a long time before calling the Peace Corps to set it up, but ultimately it's the best thing for me and my family right now. Essentially it came down to the fact that I was going to have to ET anyway, probably in April, and why should I wait around for five months, get back into a routine, and be frustrated and miserable when I could make it home for the holidays? The Peace Corps does not make it difficult to early terminate and once it comes down to a need to ET for grad school, a few extra months seem superfluous in the long run. Sure, I feel a little guilty about leaving my projects and work partners behind (and I am close to traumatized about leaving Zaari), but everyone has been very understanding, especially of the fact that in reality, it's only a few months earlier than expected.

The next couple weeks will be spend filling out pages and pages of forms, figuring out packing and getting Zaari to her new home. She will be going to the home of a PC homologue who has many kids who love animals. I will be able to get updates on her through my Djougou post-mate and in the end, staying here is what is best for her (even if it makes me cry at night haha).

The last year and a half has been completely life altering and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It had its ups and downs, but doesn't life? Overall, I was happy and feel like I've both done some amazing work here and made many lasting friendships (cue cheesy music now). I'll miss a lot of people, but I would have been saying good-bye in a few months anyway, so I guess it's just ripping off the bandaid early.

All that sad stuff said, I am so incredibly excited to be going home! I'm looking for jobs in tutoring, being a nanny or long-term babysitter, or working as a receptionist at a medical office. I've already applied to over 20 jobs and hopefully I'll start to hear back soon. Apparently moving is sort of expensive...as is getting married and starting a household...(who knew? haha) so I'll be trying to save up as much as possible in the next few months before the wedding and med school.

I also just want to say that there have many times when I've wanted to leave, usually for very emotional reasons not backed by real logical ones. I've missed America and my family and Colt, but I've held out because I'm strong and determined and have never been someone to quit something just because it was hard. While ETing now does indeed solve some of those feelings (completely normal feelings that almost every PCV deals with on occasion), me leaving now is not due to emotional reasons. Right now it's about logic and finances and being a part of my family. Once I reached this point of clarity in thinking about my options, it actually wasn't that stressful of a decision. Ultimately, I'm not upset or struggling with the choice because I've put in enough time for me, personally, to feel accomplished and satisfied with my work and life here. Before I was always worried about regretting the choice later in life, which was a major deterrent to leaving. But now, at this point, with only a few months left, I know that I will have no regrets, only good memories! It helps that everyone I've talked to is supportive and in no way do I feel like a quitter. I loved it here and feel like I'm ending things on a good note at a good time for me.

Benin, it's been real. Stay classy,

Elaina

PS. I'll probably be back on to give a few ET updates for interested people and I may update again once I'm permanently back in the states. I can't believe this blog is ending! It's been such a big thing in my life for a long time now and it's going to be weird. I'll link my new, med school blog here and again in my final post. Yay, for turning the page!

A Hundred Fans

My standing fan is broken and I am sweating in my hot little house as I finish the movie. I’m frustrated and itching for a cigarette. I’m thinking about tomorrow and the early trip I am taking to the regional workstation where I know I have a package from America waiting for me. I am planning my vacation, thinking about dinner tomorrow night, thinking about anything other than where I am right now, bored and alone in my hot, airless house.
I step outside as the credits start and I shut off my computer. I rummage through my purse until I find the battered box of local cigarettes with the inked label “last pack ever” across the lid. I sit in my bamboo chair and strike a match, my cat following me out the screen door to catch bugs in the florescent glow of my back porch light. I smoke there and notice the silence that has fallen in my neighborhood. All I can hear are the cicadas and the whirring of my small refrigerator fan, and the occasional moto engine in the distance. I’ve missed the sounds of the women pounding yams, or the children playing soccer with an old deflated tennis ball. Even the mosque is quiet, the evening call to prayer not even a whisper on the wind.
And there is a breeze out here, I realize. Once I step outside my cement house the cool air hits me and I wrap my pagne around myself a little tighter, enjoying the cool feeling, knowing that I’ll be sleeping soon without the comforts of a fan, wishing a had a hundred of them. I decide I want to travel to exotic places when my service here is over. I want to be a world traveler. I think about that for a while, filling my passport with stamps, taking trips with my lover, leaving the hypothetical kids at home. Mommy and Daddy trips, we’ll call them. We’ll eat local foods and learn local language. I think about those days in the future while I finish my cigarette.
I’m not ready to go inside yet. For some reason I feel like I’m missing something out here and as the winds shift I understand what that is. I am here right now. I am living here. I live in Africa. I live in Africa. Instead of berating myself for not living in the moment, I just stop thinking and listen to that silence. I watch Zaari as she intently stalks a carpenter ant and I really see her in this moment. I don’t think about the future, or my trips, or how hot I’ll be sleeping under my mosquito net tonight. I even manage to not try to guess what’s waiting for me in my American package. I just let myself go as silent as the night, and empty everything else in my life. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and find that quite unexpectedly, I am happy. I drink it in, feeling the world as simply a part of my happiness, as part of the love that I have for myself, for Zaari, for that carpenter ant.
It doesn’t last very long and soon I am wondering if there are Oreos waiting for me tomorrow and debating whether or not I should order French fries for dinner. I set my watch for three minutes and decide to meditate. I know I should get back into the habit and I’ve always felt centered after doing so. I cross my legs over the bamboo armrests and close my eyes again, forgetting the time, forgetting dinner, clearing everything away but my smile and the love I feel for the whole world. I think of myself as a small island with all the stress and frustrations swirling around me and disappearing into the earth through the legs of my chair. I breath deeply and every time my mind wanders I gently bring myself back to the center of myself, my island of calm and peace. When my watch beeps I am genuinely surprised. It had felt like 30 seconds, like I had just begun to find that peace. I stand and stretch, the pagne falling to my feet. I am here, in this moment under the African sky. I will not be shaken; we are all as one. I take another deep breath for good measure and decide to take a quick bucket shower to rinse off before climbing into bed for the night.
As I step over to my shower I see a small spider is floating at waist level, diligently building a web in the evening glow. I watch her work with a small smile on my lips. Typically freaked out by spiders I am impressed with my own calm, a direct result of my awesome meditation and powers of living in the moment, I think. She is, however, blocking my entrance to my shower. I wiggle my finger in the space around her, thinking I guess of lifting her web and depositing her elsewhere so that I can cool off in the water and go to bed in peace. Instead of just allowing me to move her, however, the spider rapidly climbs up the web and onto my hand. Immediately my calm peaceful meditation mindset vanishes and I am totally freaking out, wiping my hands together, jumping up and down, heart beat racing, praying that the damn thing is dead and not crawling over my naked skin burrowing in to lay her freaky baby spider eggs.
As my heart slows and I am sure that I am not the future host for a hundred spider babies, I start to laugh. Quiet at first and then full out cracking up. I actually have to lay my hand against the wall to steady myself (after making sure there are no bugs of course). I laugh for longer than I meditated, until my eyes are tearing up and I’m sure that nothing makes any sense anymore at all and that’s okay. I don’t have to be a balanced work of art, I can be a messy finger painting. I don’t think I could live in the moment, every moment even if I really wanted to and devoted my entire life to it. I need to plan, I need to think about the future, tomorrow, my vacations, my trips, my package from America with the possible Oreos. That’s who I am and that’s really alright, too.
I pour a couple of bowls of cool water over my back and smile, loving the cold chill of the simplicity of it, loving my body, myself. I close my eyes and rinse off the day, the stresses and frustrations, the heat, and I am content. As I step out and pick up my fallen wrap I realize that I had just spent the last few minutes living in the moment without even trying, just actually being and experiencing life. I grin to myself as I shut my screen door and put Zaari to bed.
As I climb under my mosquito net I decide that I might spend the entire night feeling too hot, wishing I had a fan, wishing I was somewhere else, but that when it really counts I can find my own inner peace, too. And that knowledge is worth a hundred fans.

Gluten Free, Camp Success, and the 4th of July: ONE YEAR IN (with photos)

Yeah, that title is ridiculous...but very descriptive of this entry!

First thing's first. I am decidedly gluten sensitive. I have experimented quite a bit with eliminating gluten products from my diet and found that all the symptoms I'd always thought were singularly lactose intolerance are linked with gluten intolerance as well. It's mild, but causes me a lot of discomfort. In the last month or two I've reduced and almost eliminated all gluten from my diet; those moments when I slip have been very noticeable. All in all, this is not that difficult to do here and basically just means I no longer eat bread, pasta or couscous. I still get plenty of yams, rice, potatoes, beans, and oats. People with Celiac Disease or high sensitivity to gluten should probably avoid oats, but I've never had trouble with them. Basically I'm going gluten free, or as close to it as I can. I just feel better all around. To celebrate, I made amazing, easy gluten-free peanut butter cookies in my dutch oven:

AHH, they were amazing and I couldn't even tell they were made without flour. One awesome thing about going gluten free here is the easy abundance of soy products. I can get tofu and awesome soy flour that basically can serve as a wheat flour substitute. These cookies have egg in them and I'm trying to be a good vegan, but that is definitely tricky here. In America, I'm going full out vegan, but for now, I'm just avoiding dairy, cheese, eggs and transitioning a bit. 

Going vegan for me is just going to be a great way to feel more connected to the Earth, to my particular brand of spirituality and philosophy, and to be healthy in a way that ecologically and economically impacts our planet and the animals in it. I don't know if I'll be vegan forever, but I think this time I'm really serious about it. When I get back to America for good next year I'll be scoping out those cheese substitutes hardcore!

Switching gears, we just finished up with Camp Sucess up here in Djougou. We had 60 girls from all over the Donga region and we spent the week talking about empowerment, sexual health, healthy relationships, self-esteem, staying in school and not getting pregnant. 

It was great to see the girls making plans and becoming friends. I spent a lot of the week doing general help, running all over Djougou getting supplies and making sure everything ran smoothly. I also had my fair share of time with the girls and really enjoyed getting my hair done and dancing late into the night!

 My session was the sexual health one and I had a local midwife nurse from the health center come and talk to the girls about what sex is and how pregnancy happens...and how to avoid it! It went really well and I know they learned so much.

 I laughed more and was impacted more as a volunteer in Africa than I have been up to now. Camp was hands down the best and most moving experience of my time in Africa so far. 

doesn't Jared look adorable?

Anyway, immediately after camp let out, many volunteers met up in Djougou for the fourth of July celebratory weekend. The weekend included a huge soccer match against the Germans, an American football match (I scored a touchdown!), lots of beer, freestyle rapping, and an awesome rainbow.

Team America and Team Germany all together in harmony after the big USA win (1-0, my postie, Doug, scored the winning goal!)

This is a tiny sack filled with honey flavored sodabe, African moonshine. 

Doug eating a victory meal of pate blanche, sauce des legumes, and a cold beer

This rainbow circled the sun during the afternoon of the American football match

Post BBQ and post busting out some 4th of July themed rap fireworks.

I can't believe I've been here a year (well, in about a week). The new stage has arrived already and are all cozied up in their host families' houses. I've scheduled my mid-service medical exam for September, and am at the point where I can plan out my work for the rest of the year. I'm not really sure what I'll be doing after January, but until that point I actually have a lot going on!

Time has flown by a lot faster than I would have thought. And everyone says the next year goes by even faster. We've got some more ETs coming up, two people that I know of. That puts our total at fourteen people out of our original 59. At this point they said that it would be 20%. I didn't believe it then, but here we are, one year later. A year ago the idea of ETing was just terrifying, something that only people who couldn't cut it did...now, I see that each instance is very specific, very unique to that person. It isn't always a clear cut "oh, Africa/Peace Corps wasn't right for them" or even that it wasn't right for them "right now." Sometimes it just is right for a certain amount of time and then it's not anymore...things change, especially work situations. I can understand that. Who knows what the future will bring for the rest of us? A year is a long time...even if it passes by quickly!

Here's to us! We did it!

back to the blogosphere

I don't really like that word "blogosphere," but I suppose that's what this world is, a little sphere. I know that right now, while I'm specifically blogging about Peace Corps life, is the time when I will probably have the most followers, the most people who regularly read my thoughts about life. It's interesting to know that the scope of this blog has gotten pretty wide. In a lot of ways, that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to share my experiences with the rest of the world. In other ways, though, it's a bit nerve wracking. Clearly, the powers that be ARE paying attention to what we write, and the idea of censorship just makes me feel pretty icky all over. Because I'm applying to med school right now, I don't want to mess with it, though. Part of me definitely feels that if the Peace Corps thinks something on my blog is inappropriate, med schools would probably agree, and so ultimately it's only a good thing that I am censoring myself, even if it came about through third party censorship. So really, in the long run, no harm done.

And the point of all that was to say: I'm not going anywhere! I'll stop the cursing and maybe think twice about posting negative thoughts, but other than that, I'm sticking around. I still have a lot of time left and a lot of things still to say about the Peace Corps, about Africa, about Benin, and about my life. And I know y'all are still listening, so thank you.

I'm updating my wish list to include more vegan, gluten-free items (more on that later...with a recipe and pictures!), and I'll be posting a few entries today and working on med school applications all day. I'm in Cotonou, just living it up. I live in Africa, man. And life is good.

Obesity and Hunger in America and Benin

Here in Benin, I find myself thinking a lot about food, nutrition, and weight from both a biological and sociological perspective. Many people here don’t have healthy food options or are malnourished due to simple lack of food. It’s quite common to see people who are skeletally thin (marasmus), people who are bloated from lack of protein (kwashiorkor), and people who are just fat from a diet high in carbohydrates. A lot of this range is typical for developing countries. Carbohydrates play a key role as staple food items, eaten with every meal to fill the stomach. They are typically cheap and easy to prepare and gives a feeling a fullness without adding much nutritional value. Here the staples are pâte (“blanc“, “noir“, or “rouge” made with corn meal, yam skins or corn meal and tomato sauce), yam pilée (boiled and smashed yams), akassa (fermented pâte), or the remnants of colonialism: rice, spaghetti, or couscous. Of those carbohydrate staples, only couscous has any sort of real protein value, and although the unprocessed, natural staples do have some nutritional value, they are primarily used to simply fill the stomach and curb hunger. With the carb, a meal will usually include a palm oil based sauce made with tomatoes and onions, a vegetable sauce with okra, a sesame based sauce or a peanut sauce with a protein item if it is available: goat, chicken, guinea fowl, or wagasi (traditional cheese). Often times a meal is just a large pile of carbohydrates with a simple sauce when money is too tight for meat. This type of eating after a while leads to obesity and protein deficiencies in children and adults. For the most part, obese or overweight people in Benin do not follow an observable socioeconomic trend. The richer are often overweight just from overeating, the poor from a low quality diet. Mostly, though, obesity is not a nationwide health problem here, but a symptom of malnutrition in general.

Thinking about these things, I started wondering what was going on in the US. Right now in the United States, obesity has reached epidemic proportions. Over 65% of American adults and 16% of children are considered overweight or obese (having a Body Mass Index of 25 kg/m2 or higher) and it’s only getting worse with processed sugars, oils, and sugar sodas and beverages. It is estimated that by 2015, 41% of all Americans will be obese (BMI over 30 kg/m2). Clearly this is an important issue, and one that is much broader than the scope of my little blog post today, but it got me thinking about the medical science behind obesity, hunger, and satiety. So I pulled out my handy dandy pathophysiology textbook, The Pathologic Basis of Disease by Robbins and Cotran, and turned to Chapter 9: Environmental and Nutritional Diseases. I wanted to find out what makes some people fat and some people thin and how we can, as a nation and as individuals, work toward curbing the obesity epidemic and keep ourselves healthy.

First off I read about what exactly the problem with fat really is. We all know that obesity can lead to higher levels of cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes. Obesity has also been strongly correlated with rates of cancer in both men and women, as well as breathing problems and liver disease. All of these risks are increased if the fat is primarily stored in the middle of the body, around the midsection in the mesentery and around viscera in the abdominal cavity. I believe that modern medicine, and current scientific research clearly indicate that being overweight is a health risk. There are also many social pressures to be thin and the interplay between health and society with weight issues is an interesting one, but not what I want to talk about right now. Right now, I want to know what’s going on with the biochemical pathways that lead to obesity and why some people are fat and others thin.

At its most basic level, obesity is a “disease of caloric imbalance that results from an excess intake of calories above their consumption by the body” (439). A person is fat if they’ve consistently eaten more calories than they’ve burned off. It really is that simple. Of course, the pathogenesis of obesity is incredibly complex and not totally understood yet. Hunger, satiety, the urge to eat and to stop eating, metabolic pathways and mechanisms are all things that need ongoing research. It is clear that genetics, environmental signals, nutritional factors, and psychological signals all go into the triggering of the metabolic response and that it is a complex system based on many different interactions. However, obviously obesity would not occur without the intake of food.

The mechanisms that regulate energy balance can be separated into three parts: the peripheral or afferent system, the arcuate nucleus in the hypothalamus, and the efferent system. The afferent system generates signals from various site such as LEPTIN and ADIPONECTIN produced from fat cells, GHRELIN by the stomach, PEPTIDE YY (PYY) from the intestines, and INSULIN from the pancreas. The hypothalamus processes and integrates these signals and generates efferent signals. The efferent system carries the signals from the hypothalamus to control food intake and energy expenditure.

I want to talk about a few of the afferent components that regulate appetite and satiety: leptin, adiponectin, and gut hormones. Stick with me, this is cool stuff.

LEPTIN. The name leptin comes from the Greek word “leptos”, meaning “thin.” It is a hormone synthesized by fat calls and is a product of the ob gene. The leptin receptor is the product of the diabetes gene and belongs to the same family of receptors as IL-2 and other cytokine receptors. Mice deficient in either leptin (ob/ob mice) or leptin receptors (db/db mice) overeat and gain weight because they don’t sense their fat stores and behave as if they were starving (439). Leptin levels are regulated by multiple post-transcriptional mechanisms. In the hypothalamus, leptin causes the secretion of anorexigenic neuropeptides and inhibits neurons that cause feeding-inducing (orexigenic) neuropeptides. Basically leptin makes you feel full. In people with stable weight, these factors are all in balance. In someone with inadequate stores of body fat, however, leptin secretion is diminished and food intake increases.

Loss of function mutations in the leptin pathway in people are extremely rare. Some individuals (5% of massively obese people) could have problems with the receptors that sense the anorexigenic signals (the sense of feeling full) and would continue to overeat as if undernourished. These conditions are rare, but it’s been proposed that problems with the pathway could be associated with more common forms of obesity such as leptin resistance, rather than deficiency. Another way leptin works is to stimulate physical activity, heat production, and energy expenditure (440).

ADIPONECTIN. This hormone is produced by adipocytes and directs fatty acids to muscle for oxidation. It causes an increase in insulin sensitivity and has most receptors in skeletal muscle. Adiponectin has been called a “fat-burning molecule” and the “guardian angel against obesity” and when injected into mice, it causes a significant decrease in fat mass.

The total number of adipocytes is established during childhood and adolescence and cannot be changed in adulthood. Fat people have more fat calls than lean people. People can gain and lose weight by increasing or decreasing the size of existing adipocytes, but the number is predetermined. Trying to keep weight off is difficult because of a lack of a decrease in the number of adipocytes as well as an enhanced appetite caused by leptin deficiency.

GUT HORMONES. There are several hormones produced in the stomach, intestines, and pancreas. One of the most interesting is ghrelin. It is the only known gut hormone that increases food intake (orexigenic effect). If injected into mice, they eat voraciously, causing weight gain through increased caloric intake and reduced energy expenditure. Ghrelin levels rise before meals and fall 1 to 2 hours after eating. Interesting to note is that in obese and overweight people, the postprandial suppression of ghrelin is weakened which maintains the obesity through continued eating.

PYY is secreted from endocrine cells in the ileum and colon and levels of this hormone are low during fasting and increase after food intake. PYY levels increase after gastric bypass surgery and if injected, energy intake decreases. There is research going on now to use PYY as a treatment for obesity. Amylin, a peptide secreted from the pancreas with insulin that reduces food intake and weight gain, is also being evaluated as a drug for obesity. Both of these hormones act by triggering the hypothalamus to reduce food intake.

All of these factors work together to control hunger and satiety. Knowing what we know now, what can we do to prevent obesity and the risks that come with it? To a certain extent, how much lectin, how much adiponectin, and all those other hormones are predetermined by your diet as a child and genetics. You can keep your weight low, but if you have a lot of adipocytes and are naturally heavier, it’s going to be more difficult to regulate your weight. I’m pretty sure I fall into this category, and maintaining my weight in a healthy range is very important to me for both health and societal reasons.

Diabetes, cancer, hypertension, atherosclerosis, and cardiovascular disease all run in my family and there is indeed a correlation with high body fat content. Knowing how to eat and how much to eat is necessary for both my weight and credibility as a future physician. Eating a healthy diet of high fiber and low animal fat can help prevent colon cancer. Avoiding nitrosamines and nitrosamides from preservatives in meats can protect from gastric carcinomas, and just generally eating a healthy diet rich in veggies, whole grains, fruits, complex carbohydrates, healthy oils, and low in salt can help protect against cancers and heart disease.

Another thought is the idea of calorie restriction. It has been shown convincingly that caloric restriction decreases the incidence of many diseases and increases the lifespan in experimental animals. The particulars are not completely understood but it is thought to be related to lowering of insulin and IGF-1 levels and increased activation of sirtuins, proteins that promote metabolic activity and longevity (also associated with red wine, yay!). With a calorie restricted diet, animals live longer due to less oxidation and thus telomere breakdown and have a greater resistance to carcinogenesis and lower cholesterol levels. Most obviously, a restricted diet leads to weight loss and thus protection against many risk factors associated with obesity.

After doing all this research, I’ve decided that one of the best ways to stay healthy is to maintain a weight between BMI 18 kg/m2 and 24 kg/m2. I know BMI is not a perfect measurement, but for now, it’s the best we’ve got. Of course you can still be unhealthy within that range, and of course there are some people who can maintain health outside of that range, but in general, it’s a good indication of an appropriate weight to decrease risk factors associated with obesity and being overweight. In addition to maintaining a healthy weight, a low calorie diet with healthy foods seems to be a good option. Lots of fiber, healthy proteins, complex carbohydrates (limited pâte or yam pilée!), and lots of fruits and vegetables is a good solution. And as always, exercise. Several times a week for at least half an hour, up to 60 minutes when possible, your heart rate should be significantly elevated. This is such a simple thing that so many Americans, both obese and normal range weight, just don’t do enough. Exercise increases endorphins, makes you feel good, keeps your weight low and your figure slim, keeps your heart healthy, and helps stimulates the metabolic pathways. It’s win-win. Eat less, eat healthier, exercise more, and maintain a healthy weight range. Check.

Addressing the national problem is a question that countless physicians are working on. I think public service announcements, frank conversations with primary care doctors and pediatricians, and nutritional guidelines and information are all good starts. The obesity epidemic is complex, so close to issues of race and socioeconomic status, connected to ideals of beauty and worth, value in society and mental health. It’s going to take a lot of effort to really effectively stem the trends and there are a lot of political aspects to the changes that should be proposed. One thing we can all do for posterity is to help make sure our kids have healthy options and to really think about childhood obesity as a major sociological problem. Issues like sugar soda in schools, healthy lunches, sedentary lifestyle changes, and videogames all go into it. We know now that the number of fat cells is determined in childhood and adolescence, and we also know from personal experience and anecdotal evidence that it’s hard to lose weight as an adult if you were fat as a kid. So let’s keep our children within healthy weight ranges by making sure their diets are rich with nutrients and they’re staying active. That way when they grow up they’ll have an easier time staying healthy and avoiding all those risks associated with being overweight or obese.

Like America, Benin has a lot of work to do in curbing both obesity and malnutrition in general. With more and more outside influences like sugar soda, candy, and other processed sugars and starches, developing countries are becoming increasingly at risk for obesity. As a health worker here, I am often talking to people about diet, especially about the importance of eating vegetables and lean protein. Fish is popular here and cheaper than red meat which helps make my job a little easier. It’s tough, though. A lot of the reasoning behind the unhealthy diets here is money, just like it is in the US. I think it’s easy to forget that sometimes, especially when thinking about the United States. But it’s true. To facilitate behavior change, we have to address the problem in a local, community based way. I’m learning that every day here and I know that understanding will be crucial to me as a physician later. It might not be easy, but change starts now. It starts with us. I know I don’t always eat as healthy as I should, especially when I’m in America (Taco Bell anyone?), but I think I’m beginning to see the importance of diet in long term health a little more clearly now that I have all this free time to think about food.

This has been a nerd alert, shared from me to you. So go out there, and use your nerdiness to do some good in the world!

Not much else is going on, just getting ready for the girls' camp at the end of the month! Gotta read up on sexual health knowledge!

Thanks for listening :)

-E

A food post!

So it's been awhile since I posted pics up here and since I'm at the workstation in Nati I thought I'd drop by to post some of my favorite kind of photos: FOOD!

The food here is amazing, honestly. Most of the time I cook for myself in my little kitchen, lots of couscous, oatmeal, pasta with tomato sauces with onions and other random veggies. I also like to add soy cheese (basically tofu). I've started really getting into black eyed peas, too. They take a while to cook, but are so much healthier than a bowl full of bleached pasta. Every now and again I'll do something fancy, like make a pizza or attempt a dessert. I had a cookies phase...which is essentially satisfied by cooking in a dutch oven, very interesting. You can probably find a picture of one on the internet. Imagine that, but more ghetto and you've got my oven. I also used to bake my own bread, but I'm trying to lesse the carbs a bit if possible and trying to get into tip top shape. I figure I'll never really have this kind of time again to devote to it, so I might as well take advantage. That doesn't stop me from enjoying my watche, yam pilee, and wagasi, however. One good thing about yam pilee? It's not processed white, empty calories. You're actually getting some bang for your buck there in nutrients. Woo hoo!

Anyway, here's some food fotos:

Watche and wagasi. The watche is rice and beans and the wagasi is that fried cheese that is amazing and might be the only food I really actually miss. Must be eaten with cold, natural sugar coke. Ah.

This is mango pie. We made it up in Nati yesterday at the workstation. Mary is a genius. I had it for breakfast today and it was awesome.

This is from my three month "let's pretend I eat meat" phase. This was taken at Chateau Vert, an amazing chicken and fries place in Djougou across from my office. You have to order an hour in advance, but it's worth it. That's Colt on the side there, dipping his french fries in this delicious tomato and onion sauce they serve avec les frites ici.

This picture didn't load quite right, but it's the New Years cake Colt and I made when he was here. It's chocolate and amazing. Affissa tried it and thought it was fabulous. Ah cake. Thanks to Alex for providing the mix. It was loved.

Colt eating yam pilee for his last time in Djougou. He started getting pretty skilled at it by the end. 

Me eating yam pilee. The pounded yams are stickier than mashed potatoes and you scoop up the sauce (usually a tomato, onion, palm oil mix of awesomeness, occasionally with a peanut sauce that is my absolute favorite) with the piece of squished yam. If lucky, you'll also have a few pieces of wagasi to snatch up to make the perfect combo. And of course, a cold coke next to ya.

This is the coconut curry at Hong Kong's in Cotonou. This meal is like real Chinese food. I can sometimes be tricked into thinking I am in Americaland when I eat out in Cotonou. This meal was awesome...but so expensive I've never been back!

Colt at Livingstone's, the expat hangout in Cotonou. The pizza is expensive but real. I think it's good even by American standards, but I am a fan of thin crust pizza. Colt was unimpressed I think, but screw him. He can get Papa Murphy's whenever he wants! Ahhh, pizza. I blow some money here pretty much every time I'm in Cotonou. 

Not really a meal, per se. But this packet of barbecue sauce I got from Becca was a vrai delight on some watche. I wish I had some more. See how excited I am about it??

This was our delicious attempt at crispy potato soft tacos. The purple bowl is filled with chopped up and fried potatoes with taco seasoning. The green bowl has an awesome fresh salsa I made with guacamole, tomato, onion, and pimantes with a dash of lime and salt. The strainer has fresh, bleached, chopped up lettuce, those are definitely homemade tortillas in the back and we made a ranch-like dressing for the typical Taco Bell ranch sauce they put on top. We didn't have shredded cheese, but what do you want? Eggs in your beer? Geez.

Here we are pounding some yams for our dinner at Affissa's house. We pounded just long enough to get this photo, haha. Colt is such a dork.

Lapain and frites (rabbit and fries) et La President's in Porto Novo. This was the first meat I purposefully ate (there was the auspicious hot dog incident of 2008), and this rabbit was fabulous. I thought it was amazing and I wondered why I had been a vegetarian so long. Then I went to America and ate meat there for a month and wondered why the hell I would even bother eating meat in this country. So I'm a vegetarian again...after a short vegan stint in March and April. But that rabbit still looks good, huh?

Another Livingstone's pizza shot. I mean, Matt looks awesome, Scott is mid mouthful, how could I not post this pic? Eat that pizza, Matt!!!

Oh, wow, three Livingstone pictures. I mean, I thought this epic cheese string was pretty badass. And note my cool Beninese soccer jersey. Their team is the Squirrels. 

After all that food, pretty much we just go out for beers. It's the best staple of any good Peace Corps Volunteer's diet!

I hope you enjoyed the pictures! 

Sexual Violence and the Peace Corps at 50

This article is a preview of the hearings held by congress today, which can be streamed here.

Kate Puzey's mom, Lois, gave testimony as well, speaking to the need for whistleblower protection and confidentiality breeches leading to her daughter's death. I couldn't watch the video so someone should let me know if anything unexpected or promising occurs. I doubt it will, but I am feeling extremely pessimistic and bitter about the Peace Corps as an organization right now, although I just want to preface this entire post by saying that I love the Peace Corps and simply want it to reach its potential as the force I know it can be, the organization that I believe in. But right now it needs to make some serious changes.

The first time I was made aware of the Peace Corps inappropriate response and attitude toward victims/survivors (I will use the word survivor in my own words and only use "victim" when quoting others) of sexual assault and rape was the third or fourth week of training. We were all gathered at Songhai for our weekly medical training session and most of us were dreading pretty hard the "rape talk." We were actually surprised with it on that Tuesday as we were expecting it the following week. Immediately I knew this was going to be bad. You should never surprise a group of people with a sexual violence discussion because you never know who will be triggered in the audience. That day, someone who needed to avoid the conversation would not have been able to without causing a scene. I was very interested in how they would present the information. As a women's college graduate with a modest but passionate background in women's studies, I was worried about the ability of the male host country national physician employed by PC/Benin to give a sensitive and appropriate talk on the subject. My concerns were, at first, made irrelevant because they showed a video. I thought, "Oh good! The Peace Corps knows that HCN doctors probably aren't the best resources for this information so they've prepared something with a strong survivor-empowering message for us to watch instead." Oh boy was I so wrong. The video very clearly focused on survivor's use of alcohol and culturally inappropriate attire as reasons for getting into risky situations, a clear case of "victim-blaming" that I was disgusted to see from an official Peace Corps Washington video. The rest of the video was similar; women cried and were vague about the help they got from Peace Corps. It was made clear that pursing legal action would be difficult and the primary message was "don't get too close to men and drink too much." I was horrified. When the HCN doctor finally did start talking I was further devastated. There were casual references to rape and assault situations, joking and making light of the video, more victim-blaming, and discouragement for coming forward if anything ever actually happened here.

I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and cried. I was already tired and frustrated with stage (training is just, in general, sort of a frustrating time) and the idea that statistically SOMEONE in the room had experienced an assault or rape and was being forced to listen to this crap was so disheartening I literally couldn't take it. One in four American women has had an experience like that and most of us know what it's like to get close or feel the threat of it and discussions of rape and assault can be extremely triggering and must be treated with respect. Dismissive attitudes of both our facilitator and the video itself were disturbing and so inappropriate for an organization representing America that I had to literally grieve for a few minutes.

I put this information in my training review of course. It was one of the biggest problems I've had with the Peace Corps and since then I've learned increasing amounts of information about the inappropriate response of the Peace Corps to volunteers who become victims of crime. Current PCVs and RPCVs should absolutely participate in the First Response Action survey regarding our sexual assault training here.

 I've felt extremely compelled the entire time of my service by Kate Puzey's story and the response of PC/Benin and Washington. PCVs in Benin are intimately aware of inefficiencies in this area and it is a source of constant frustration. I find it hard to believe that ALL Peace Corps countries have this much malcontent on administrative issues. I know it's tough everywhere, but I honestly think the ET rate would be higher worldwide if it was like Benin everywhere (approaching 25% here). That gives me hope that we just happen to be in a more "malignant" program that is doing its best to change and become better equipped to handle itself. The idea that other countries might be better is encouraging. But as far as crime responses go, it seems like it's a worldwide Peace Corps fault. Especially as far as sexual assault and rape reporting goes.

I won't repeat statistics and stories you can read elsewhere, but it's a problem in reality and not just the attitude of the training video screened. Reporters are not valued, treated like they were the cause of their own effect, and discouraged from pursuing justice. This is often done in the name of cultural sensitivity and understanding but really it's just bullshit. No culture condones rape even if the details are varied across the spectrum. But the important thing is that American norms on the subject are very serious and frankly, the Peace Corps should treat these incidents exactly the same as if they happened in America. The fact that host country nationals are in administrative positions shouldn't matter. Train them to respond as an American to these issues. There's no excuse.

A few solutions were presented in the NYT article that I agree with wholeheartedly and think are feasible and legitimate. One, hiring someone trained in sexual assault survivor empowerment to specifically overhaul the Peace Corps's approach to these incidents and their appropriate response through trainings and policy revamping. Two, get rid of that fucking video and replace it with something created by a knowledgeable and credible crisis center or organization. Three,  the development of "sexual assault response teams" to collect forensic evidence and provide advocacy to survivors. I also think there needs to be an advocacy group established in each country of volunteers and trained professionals who can counsel on that specific country's procedures for filing a report and pressing charges. Another suggestion would be to follow the First Response  Action group's 7 point plan to specifically address issues of sexual violence against Peace Corps Volunteers including the "Survivor Bill of Rights" with standardized protocols of response. These things should be legislated in the states and enforced abroad immediately.

Politics should not enter into the equation at any point. This is not a Democrat/Republican issue at all, but an American one. We are serving our country and the world and should be protected appropriately under law. These arguments do not devalue the promise of the organization promised by JFK or hurt the Democrats and should not lead to funding cuts or compromised legitimacy of the Peace Corps. Director Williams needs to commit to supporting future legislation protecting the volunteers because it's the only responsible course of action he can follow as the head of an organization with increasing numbers of female volunteers in the world.

These criticisms are not aimed at breaking down the Peace Corps or discouraging future, interested volunteers, especially women. I think this has been and will continue to be one the most life changing and powerful experiences of my life. I love Benin and I love the people. I feel at home here and am more proud than I've ever been to be an American citizen and a representative of my country abroad. I think joining the Peace Corps is one of the best decisions I ever made and would encourage people to follow me. But I also know that the organization can be improved, the experience of women in the world can be made safer and healthier and more in tune with truer American values. The Peace Corps has a responsibility to act as a role model in how it responds to sexual violence; it is a visible organization and a powerful force in a world that generally mistreats and devalues women. It's about damn time it started acting like it.

On children and empty bellies

I live in a bigger village here in Benin, where access to healthcare is more visible and the people are slightly more proactive about their health. It's easy to overlook malnutrition here unless I am in the health center when mothers have brought in their children from up to fifteen kilometers away. Most of the kids I see in Djougou look relatively healthy. Sure, they're barefoot and often very thin, but they eat something each day and go to school for the most part. So I naturally assumed that malnutrition isn't really much of an issue up here. Not true.

A few weeks ago I went on an epic walk around the city with my friend Affissa, a high school senior and running enthusiast who has become my closest friend in village. On one of the rare days when she wasn't studying like mad for the bacc (necessary to pass high school and go on to college...she's one of the few girls in my town to even be in this position), she invited me to walk with her and a friend out by the lake in the south. We rode her moto to her friend's house and I stored my helmet in their living room. While they were off greeting the family and chatting about the insignificant things that make up so much of life here, I started playing a bit with some of the concession kids.

At first I didn't notice what was different about "Malik", the smallest boy. I thought he was just younger maybe than the others until they got a little closer to me, a little braver. Then I noticed his reddened hair, skeleton like arms, and how his head seemed too big for his body. I recognized marasmus malnutrition immediately, the type of malnutrition where the child literally is starving from lack of sufficient calories. He was playing just a little less actively than the other boys, kicking the soccer ball with less vigor, but still smiling, still laughing and taunting me with "batouré, batouré!" like the others. He came up to me, giggling, and I touched his shoulder, smiling with him. His skin was hot to the touch, feverish.  He ran off with the others when Affissa and the other adults walked over.

As we were leaving the concession I asked Affissa if Malik was okay. I told her that he had a fever and needed to be resting. She explained that he was often sick with diarrhea and the other boys didn't have the problem as often. She attributed his illness to 'gris-gris' a type of sorcery more common to the voodoo south, but I could tell she thought that was simplistic. I told her that he should drink lots of clean water and eat enough and she assured me that he was getting a lot better, that he didn't used to play. She encouraged me to forget about it and she was right. There really wasn't anything I could do beyond simply making sure that the family knew what to do. During our walk I mentioned making an oral rehydration drink and Affissa's friend said that the family was doing that already. I felt a little better, but I was just sort of shocked that malnutrition like that was just a casual part of life for these families.

It's true though. Mothers will often wait months before naming their children for fear that they will fall to illness. They have many children, usually a result of not having or believing in birth control, but also because the more children you bear, the more you'll have when some of them die. Children are not treated well in Benin in general. There is an emotional separation between parents and their kids. Beatings are completely acceptable and very common which is hard to hear or watch as an outsider. Children work hard manual labor for their families, especially the girls. Parents love their children here, of course, but it's a different kind of love then we see in the states. They never know when Allah, or sorcery, gris-gris, will take their children from them, and this makes them just a little more expendable. That's the way they were treated as children and they perpetuate it each new generation.  It's a very different way of life and one that is not compatible with Westerners or myself, someone passionate about children's health and the health of those who are disempowered. But all I can really do is give my perspective and try to learn from theirs to make a small difference.

Affissa came over to my house a few days ago in the evening. We sat out on my porch under the mango tree and sipped glasses of water as the sun set. I mentioned Malik and asked how he was doing. She explained casually that he had gotten sick again and would probably die. I asked how his mother would feel if that happened, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. She just shrugged and said that his mother has five other children to help her. Seeing the look of surprise on my face, she quickly added that she would still be sad. A few moments passed and then she changed the subject, not because his illness was a difficult topic, but because to her it was such a simple one.

Taking the leap

I've been thinking about faith lately, contemplating the reasons we believe in certain things and choose to allow so called reason to take the reigns on others. Do we choose these distinctions or do they just somehow develop? Can the balance shift and should we seek out challenges to encourage our assumptions to change?

Something I've been feeling in the last 9 months is that what we know to be true is never static as long as we allow it to grow. Ideas, beliefs, faith--all these things are dynamic and should be dynamic for social and personal change to really be affected. We can so easily get caught in our knowledge, in what we know to be true, that we forget how to learn, forget that discovery comes from the sometimes unforeseeable opening of the mind.

I've become so jaded while here. I came to Africa thinking change was possible and somehow along the way my thoughts shifted to a deadlock. Everywhere I looked I saw roadblocks to change from the very people who could benefit the most. All the stereotypes we laughingly discussed at the beginning of training seemed to be true. From believing that people here wanted my help to assuming that I was irrelevant and unwanted, my truth made a complete shift. I struggled with finding friendships among women who seem to just perpetuate the injustices against them, and men who daily and constantly harass me to the point of demoralization. Sometimes I really do just want to give up because I know that nothing I do here is going to have any sort of impact in the long run, so what's the point?

Volunteers get together and binge drink. Sometimes there's a therapeutic bitch session where we complain about the administration, the country, the people, the corruption, but mostly people just drink themselves into a stupor so they don't have to think about it at all. It's cathartic in its own way, I suppose, but not particularly helpful and not something that I participate in often. There's something so juvenile about it, like being trapped in a frat house party where no one seems to justify the real occasion. I'm not trying to blame the volunteers; life here is difficult and frustrating so much of the time. But we do get so trapped into our own assumptions and our own frustrations that no one really says anything about anything anymore. It's just the same thing every time, hoping to pass the time away so we'll be one more day closer to being finished with the pointlessness of these two years.

The last three weeks I've been paying my thirteen year old neighbor girl to come over to my house on Saturdays and help me with my laundry. I get everything set up, she washes, and I help her hang the clothes up to dry. She's quick and efficient and gets 500F out of it, which is a pretty good deal for us both. This last Saturday she didn't show up at the time we had agreed on, 10am, which was extremely irritating for me. I assumed that she had either forgotten or didn't care enough to respect my time or her money and I was grumbling pretty angrily to myself while I started doing the laundry on my own. I was starting to scrub a t-shirt when I thought to myself that perhaps something had happened, maybe there was an emergency. Of course that would be my first thought if I was paying an American girl to come over and help me. I would immediately worry about her and want to check up to make sure she was okay, not angrily assume that she had ditched me for some other more interesting activity. Why did I make the choice to be upset with my neighbor for those reasons? Was it a choice? I tend to think yes it was.

 I am conditioned to think the worst of my fellow neighbors because time and time again, the worst is what I've seen. When a Beninese man comes up to me, my first instinct is to be aggressive and dismissive. I am rude automatically because so often I am harassed. Is this fair? I don't know. I'm not sure if it was wrong for me to assume that my neighbor had ditched me. But when she showed up, an hour later, she explained that she was making lunch for her little sister and brother because their mother was traveling somewhere and couldn't make it to my house on time. She said that she would have called but that her family cannot afford a cell phone. Immediately I felt both guilty and elated. Guilty because I had assumed that she was just being lazy and in reality she was working much harder than myself. Elated because a small part of my cynicism had been chipped away by this girl with her honesty and strength. I realized, for just a moment, that my time here did not have to be shaped by the static preconceptions I'd developed, and all I felt then was joy.

As far as faith goes, I know that nothing is certain. I know that challenging our assumptions is the only way to get to a place of acceptance, of peace, because if we let ourselves, we will be surprised by small acts that alter our perceptions. Before I got here, I knew I would change the world. Three months ago I knew I wasn't going to make it all the way through my service. Today I know that with an open heart and mind, I can be changed. I wonder what I'll know tomorrow?

Happy Holidays from Africa!

I am here at the Cotonou workstation and everyone is filing out, off to join friends and visitors in various beaches and cities throughout the country. There will still be a few of us in the workstation tonight and we're getting massages later today. I've been setting up my Pandora profile and listening to a lot of holiday music, but there's just something a bit...off...about the season here. It's the warmth, sure, but there's just no Christmas spirit in the air. Up north in Djougou, for example, there are a couple places with lights up, but for the most part, no one celebrates Christmas the way I'm used to. Back home, it's not really just a Christian holiday, it's an American holiday and means a lot more than just Jesus and presents...there's like an aura that fills the streets...and all the music and lights and tinsel and evergreen trees wrapped in stringed sparkles and golden ornaments? Man, that's just not here. Even in the South, where people are largely Christian and put up decorations around the cities, something is missing. There are cheap plastic toys with bright colors and lights everywhere, but it's almost like Benin has captured all the commercialism of American Christmas, but none of the goodwill toward others, love of humanity, doing nice things because it's the season for kindness, and just general Christmas spirit. Maybe it's just because it's still like 90 degrees outside? I don't know, I'm just really missing the smell of eggnog and cinnamon, snow and wintery breezes. I miss that moment late at night on Christmas eve when I sneak out of my room after everyone else has gone to sleep and I can just enjoy the last few minutes before the hectic morning. I sit quietly in the livingroom with all the lights turned off except the twinkling of the lights around the tree illuminating the brightly wrapped presents and casting shadows over the stillness. I love that, just sitting and feeling like there's something like magic so tangible I can almost touch it. That feeling is just. not. here.

But despite all that, I am pretty damn happy right now. Good friends, good drinking, I got some vanilla pretzels in the mail today, all is right in the world. I just watched "I just had sex" by the Lonely Island and I have to say, almost as good as "I'm on a boat." Not quite, but close.

Oh yeah, and Colt's getting here in a few hours. What now, bitches??!

Merry Christmas!!!

Elaina

Spiders, zemis, and yovos galore!

July 23rd, 3:50pm CST, 9:50pm Beninese temps, Porto Novo

Today was an interesting day. My host sister, Amelie, helped me call over a zemidjian, but it was not an 'official' one. The ones who are registered and have training wear blue shirts with identifying numbers on them and baseball caps. This guy had the cap but not the blue shirt, but Amelie flagged him down and negotiated a price before I could say anything...and I wasn't even sure at the time how to say that i needed the official ones. So I said, hey, whatevs, and je prends cette zemi comme personne avant moi. And of course everything was tres bien.

Apres l'ecole, I had to get a zemi back to the house, which was an interesting problem since I had really had no idea where to go. One of my (apparently two) host mamans explained where the maison was, but hell, I couldnt' explain it to a zemi. So luckily there was a current PCV hanging out a Songhai and she helped explain that my house was proche l'ecole Davie at the end of the road. The zemi said okay and I hopped on with my sweet ass helmet (ma cas). It was pretty embarrassing, though, because he kept asking me, "vous connaissez?" ("you recognize anything?") and I kept saying "non" (nope!). Finally he rounded a corner and I saw the gigantic pink mosque that is a block from the house (and the muezzin call goes every few hours...I haven't figured out the schedule, but I will not soon forget the dulcet sounds in the wee hours of the morning!). I told him to stop and then thanked him profusely while he laughed and I paid him the deux cent francs.

That whole laughing at me thing seems to happen a lot here and I'm sort of enjoying it in a strange way. I mean, some of this shit is pretty damn funny. For example, this evening there was a fucking huge spider in my room. And naturally, I have this aversion for killing spiders. It's not a "I love nature and don't want to harm God's creatures" aversion, but more of a "I don't want it to scurry away and hide or jump on me or touch me with it's freaky legs" aversion. So I contemplated this spider as he chillaxed on my hundred dollar Chacos. We were at an impasse for probably a good fifteen minutes. I considered going to find Amelie...then decided I needed to man up because there wasn't always going to be a nice African waiting for me to utilize her spider killing services. I prepared myself to kill it and then realized that it was sitting on my shoes that I would have otherwise used to smush it. I decided then that perhaps my petite problem might be funny and I could use it as a bonding experience since I have yet to bond over my impeccable francais. I grabbed my handy dandy french dictionary while keeping that deceptively still spider in my sights and then made my way through the giant maison to trouve Amelie. Well, Amelie just happened to be on her way out and I told her there was a huge araignee dans ma chambre and that I had fear of it. She seriously started cracking up when she saw it. Her laughter brought Ricardo running and that attracted the attention of Estelle and Genevieve and at least two or three other neighborhood kids who were all in the livingroom watching the french dubbed version of an Argentinian Days of our Lives...and they all laughed and jumped up and down and teased me mercilessly saying it was "tres petite" and Amelie smushed it with her hand and brandished it in front of me just as Maman entered my little room with a low chuckle...and what the hell else was i supposed to do but just laugh with them? I am still grinning like a dork now that they are all gone. But, shit, it was pretty big.

I'm telling you, life is pretty freaking hilarious.
E

Sunday, July 25, 9:02am Beninese time/3:02am CST, Porto Novo

I am officially ill for the first time in Africa. Yay! I think it is less an actual infection and more just getting used to the food, but I stayed home today while the fam went to church because something I ate yesterday did not agree with me and I feel pretty crappy.

I filtered and boiled my first batch of water on my own; I definitely had to pick out a floating ant this morning when I poured it into my water bottle...so...yum! I have 5 liters stored now which should last me a few days and I’ve filtered like 6 more liters that can be boiled and stored in a couple other water bottles. I wasn’t brave enough to drink it plain, so I added a pomegranite lemonade packet to it and it is bon!

In the spirit of doing new things, I fait les lessives hier...(did the laundry yesterday) which was pretty ridiculous. I asked Maman Ramone (the younger, 2nd wife who usually cooks and does most of the work from what I can tell) if she could show me how to do it and she said something really fast and gestured to the patio and after about 5 minutes of me trying to repeat back her words and her getting frustrated that I did not comprends, I finally burst out in English, “I’ll bring out my clothes and you’ll show me how?!” And she smiled and said “yes.” AHHHHHHHHhh, so annoying! So I brought out my laundry and she told Amelie to take me to buy a bar of laundry soap and then we spent like an hour doing half of my laundry. I soaped up a shirt and then scrubbed it hard and then she’d take it and do it, too and then rinse it and go hang it. She had this very interesting complex system, too, of buckets and water and savon (soap). I realized that as the rinse bucket would get more sudsy and the first couple wash buckets got more dirty, the rinse bucket would become an additional wash bucket and another bucket with fresh water would be added on to become the rinse bucket. After doing like 10 items, we had basically used 5 buckets. It was pretty cool actually and much more efficient than I would have been able to figure out on my own. But dang, my arms got tired! I told Maman that and she and Amelie cracked up. They let me do it by myself for a bit (because Maman said I had to learn because I’d be alone at post), but I don’t think neither she nor Amelie could handle how slow I was, haha. So Amelie helped me finish while Maman went to preparer mon diner. I think she said something about how I was going to help her do it next Sunday (but not today because she was going to Cotonou).

I visited Craig and Heather yesterday at their sweet digs. They are staying with an older couple with an adult son who lives there, but their other kids live in Paris. They are very successful and have a lot of money and servants (called domestiques) to cook and clean. It’s very different then my experience; they have the entire downstairs to themselves! I hung out there for a while and chatted about wedding planning and stage and found out from Heather that instead of the $200 per month that goes toward our readjustment allowance, we actually get $275 because Obama increased our budget. So instead of $6000 at the end of service, volunteers get closer to $7400! Sweetness. Craig and Heather are considering perhaps doing a third year, too, which pays a bit more...so when they COSd (Close of Service), they’d have total upwards of like 20 grand. WHOA, haha. See, Colt totally should have come!

So far, the bug situation is thus: GIANT spider, freaky huge moth thing on my door last night, cockroaches in the bathroom at night and one died there and I don’t want to touch it, millions of ants that I sprayed with bug spray and they freaked out...and I don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but THERE WAS A SCORPION! In the livingroom a couple days ago, I saw it and knew immediately what it was, but asked Amelie, pointing, “qu’est-ce que c’est?” and she saw it and jumped up and stomped on it with HER BARE FOOT! It was like a clearish, light brown color and about two inches long and they move soooo weirdly, like their whole body turns in a perfect circle. I asked Amelie afterward if there were a lot of scorpions here and she said, “NON. C’etait une seul” (“that was the ONLY one”). So apparently that was the only scorpion in Benin, so I should be good. Ha ha. But damn, she’s such a bad ass, n’est pas?

I talked to mom, zach, and lucas last night! Yay! The boys didn’t have much to say, but I told them a bit about where I’m living. Mom says they need more perspective to really get it, so she ordered Blood Diamond from Blockbuster. It’s not that VIOLENT here, so dont’ get the wrong idea! Everyone is super nice and in general, Beninese culture is very welcoming and open to yovos. That said, I did get a sexual invitation from a stranger the other day, haha. There’s a gesture that rude Beninese men will do to women when they’re shaking hands if they are beeing skeezy creepers; it’s like rubbing one finger against the woman’s palm during the hand shake. Anyway, there was some teenage boy outside the school who smiled and said good morning and offered his palm and I was with a bunch of other yovos and Peace Corps people, so there was nothing sketch about it, so I took it and he totes whipped out the dirty finger move. It’s really impolite and they know it is, so I just exclaimed “non!” and yanked my hand away before continuing on my way, which is what we’re supposed to do. So, yay! I get to check that one off the list. Another volunteer said it took her a year to get it, so I must just be very advanced haha.

I suppose there is some bad news to report. One of the trainees in the health sector has decided to early terminate (ET). Word on the street is that he really missed his boyfriend and being away from him made him realize how much he needed to be with him and that the work he would be doing here was not important enough to him to stay. So, that kind of shakes the resolve, you know? I heard that someone has a bingo card of all the trainees who are expected to ET and that I’m on the list...but I am pretty sure that all the people with serious relationships are on it. I mean, look. I know I can make it through swear-in in September and for a while at post for sure. But honestly, once I’m in my village and I see what I’ll be doing for the next two years, I will have to re-evaluate. Not just because of my relationship, but because I want to make sure that the work I’ll be doing is significant and helpful and that I can be accepted into the community. They actually recommend that you take time at the one year mark to make sure that you can be successful where you are for another year. So in March I’ll decide if I’ll stay the entire time or if I’ll come back in the summer. There’s really no way to know for sure until I’ve been at post for several months.

On a happier note, it’s really freaky and cool to meet the people whose blogs I’ve been reading for a year. I sort of feel like they are celebrities or something. I wonder if anyone will feel that way about my little old blog someday?

I’ve been reading “Where there is no Doctor” and it’s pretty interesting. My goal is still to assist with a birth and actually catch a baby being born. We’ll see, I have a long time to go before I’m at that point. I’m just making it day to day...and I am so happy that I can just relax today and not worry about getting to school on time. I think it’s worth it even if I have to run to the bathroom every hour.

Well, i think I’ll be able to post this on Tuesday at Songhai. A bientot,
Elaina

July 26th, 1:32pm CST/19:32 temps de Beninois, Porto Novo

Well. The stomach problems persisted until today. I almost wasn’t sure I could make it to school...but fortunately I’ve had no issues since this morning. That’s one thing about Peace Corps Benin I’ve noticed—everyone pretty casually discusses their poop situation. It’s pretty hilarious now that I think about it. I’ve tried to be relatively vague on here, but digestion is definitely a hot topic of discussion among the volunteers and trainees!

Today for lunch I mange’d an avocado sandwich (ok, so I’m leaving the word “mange’d” just to indicate the weird level of ‘franglais’ that I’ve been thinking in. Manger is the word “to eat” and I actually forgot the word ‘avocado’ just now and could only remember the french word ‘avocat’. It’s a weird state of being, actually. Hmm.) Anyway, it was tres bien with lettuce and onions and vinaigrette on a demi-pain (half of a huge baguette). It sat ok in my stomach and then I pris (see I did it again! Pris is the past participle of prendre. Prendre means “to take” or “to get”), I got some “fanmilk” which is the closest thing to ice-cream here. I got the yogurt version because with my tummy trouble I thought adding a bunch of lactose would be a bad idea (and yogurt has the enzymes to break down lactose and has not ever been a problem for me). It was soooo good, but definitely tasted very yogurty. But it’s better for my stomach than the regular one. But anyway, these fanmilk guys go around with their super cold trunk on a bike and honk this very distinctive horn. It’s a lot like the ice cream truck guy in the US. It’s super cheap and they always have petite monnaie (change for big bills, which is a bitch to find here).

Today we were at Songhai and for the first time I chose to hang out with some other stagaiers instead of stay there and get on the internet. I know I am going tomorrow, so it’s okay, but I feel a little bad because I told Colt I’d be on so we could skype chat or something and save him some money since it’s so expensive to call. But I gave him a ring and told him I wasn’t going and he was totes still sleeping, so I don’t think he minded waiting until tomorrow. I went to the marche (“mar-SHAY”...I can’t figure out accents with this computer grrrr) with Heather and Craig (the Wiricks from now on when I’m talking about both of them haha). It was just a short walk from Songhai and it was a freaking crazy place! Many many people selling lots and lots of stuff! There is a lot of cheap plastic stuff in the stalls and they will try to overcharge the yovos like mad. Heather wanted a powercord, but we couldn’t find any which is a lot different than the marche in Cotonou where there seemed to be power cords in every stall! I am on the lookout for a nice coin purse to keep my money, but I haven’t found anything besides cheap plastic ones. I want something that will last...so I’d be willing to pay like a mille franc for one. Which..is like $2, but it feels more like $10 to me at this point! I’m doing really well with understanding the money, a lot better than some of the other volunteers it seems. It’s very intuitive for me and I don’t have to think of it in US dollars at all at this point. I know what a decent price for most stuff is, but I’m definitely still learning. Heather tried to haggle down the price of clothespins, but was unsuccessful and it’s hard for us to know if that’s because we’re yovos or because the seemingly high price is just actually a reasonable price.

Related to les prix, I had my first major transaction today. I called over and got my first zemi on my own! I asked how much it would be and that my maison was a cote d’ecole Davie (next to the school Davie—“Dah-vee-ay”) and he said yes and that it would be 2 hundred franc. So, me, surprised that he gave the legitimate price right off the bat, said “ok” and hopped on. Well....we drove about 5 minutes and he stops and says “voila...xavier.” And I’m like “Non non non, DAVIE, pas XAVIER” and he’s like “OOOOHHH, DAAAVIE, ok” and we keep going, but I’m thinking “he’s going to charge me a lot more, but deux cents francs is the correct price”. I know what I’ve been taught, too, so when we finally stop and he asks for 500F I know he is trying to swindle me. So I said “You said ‘2 hundred’ so I am going to give you 2 hundred.” And he’s all pissed and tries to get more out of me and I say, “I KNOW the price, I live in Porto Novo. I will give you 2 hundred.” And he acts all grumpy while I get my money out and I throw in a 50F piece with it and he smiles and thanks me and I thank him back. So I paid a little bit more, but to be fair, he WAS confused about what I had said...but that generosity was definitely not going to get me to pay over twice as much as I KNOW the route really is. But yeah, that whole thing made me feel super bad ass. I totes did it all by myself. Woo hoo!

I recounted the story to my host family when I came inside, but before I could finish, the war hit! Ricardo, my host brother of 12 ans, and my host sis, Genevieve, 13 ans, totally started physically beating the shit out of each other in the other room. Another one of my host sisters, an older one who I don’t think always lives there, but sometimes does, jumped up to separate them and Amelie came over and chatted casually with me about the zemi thing! We left the room and I said I was going to take a shower, so I went outside to the well (la puis I think is the word) to get my water. While I was outside, Ricardo came out and said “bonsoir Elaina” all sweet, and walked by me to the back of the yard. I smiled and kept drawing out the water and when he came back by to go back inside he smiled back as he sauntered by, carrying this huge metal two by four. A minute or so later I finished up and followed, and came in to find the older sister, Genevieve, and Rico all entangled up with the two by four and some wooden implement of Gene’s, the older sister’s pagne (wrap around skirt) was totally falling off of her as they battled down the hall. Amelie came up to me and was cracking up. She said “ils se battent!” which means, interestingly “they are battling!” and I just nodded. After a bit, they calmed down and separated and I asked her if it was normal and she sort of laughed and said “that’s Ricardo!” She also told me that he had disrespected his sister and she got mad...but I didn’t really understand exactly what had gone down. But it was pretty wild. I called Rico over and asked him if he was not happy. He said he was “fache” which means “angry” and I said that sisters can be difficult. He agreed and I told him I understood because I had 5 brothers back home. He just sighed and when I asked if he would be okay he just nodded and said “ouais” (like saying “yeah” instead of “yes”). It was pretty trippy. Hitting in this culture is pretty commonplace, especially in the home, but I’m glad the big sister tried to stop it at least. Even if it’s normal for parents to beat their kids (frappe les enfants), it’s not good for brother and sister to wail on each other. Anyway, it was pretty wild. I can hear them all talking very animatedly now and Papa is home and he does not sound too happy about it lol.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll definitely be online tomorrow evening when we finish up at Songhai. I think i’ll be on for probably an hour at least, so i can update the blog and do the facebook thing. Maybe I’ll even have time to check my email! It hasn’t been working lately because I need to change it to HTML or something...hopefully I’ll get that taken care of tomorrow, but if you’ve sent me emails and I haven’t responded, that’s why! Facebook message me for now and I’ll let you know when gmail is working for me!

Oh and I decorated ma cas (my moto helmet) and everyone thinks it looks banging. I will get a photo of it before it fades. My photo situation is pretty lame right now...I’ve taken...zero photos of Africa haha. I’m just so overwhelmed so much of the time and it’s impolite here to take photos without getting peoples permission first, so that’s kind of limiting...also it takes like an hour to upload 5 pictures, so I’m not sure it’s going to work anyway. I think I might ask people to send me memory cards and I’ll just take the pictures and then send the memory cards back and Colt can put them up for me or something. We’ll see what works best. Also, I can’t find the flash drive that I stole from my puppy...which really just seems like karma to me.

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL. CALL ME SOMETIME OR SEND ME A LETTER!

A tout a l’heure,
E