I've done a lot of thinking and came extremely close to early terminating. I had made peace with the idea of never coming back to my little Djougou house; I packed like I was leaving forever and gave away so many things that I'll have to re-buy. But honestly I don't mind. I'm really glad to be coming back, I'm actually a little surprised at how happy I am that I made the decision I did. I feel like I've had this huge weight on my chest for weeks now and it's just completely lifted and I can breathe again.
Which means I can fully enjoy my time here. We're talking movies, and so much American food. And since I've been eating meat in Africa, why change my habits for such a short amount of time here? So I've had cheeseburgers and chicken and pork and omg, I don't think I'm going to be able to go back to being a veg. Colt is making me steaks for Valentine's Day tomorrow and I'm getting a really expensive bottle of Cabernet with my per diem that I've saved up.
Reverse culture shock is a very real, and very strange thing. My dad picked me up from the airport and took me to a super grocery store and I about had a nervous break-down. I looked around and saw all the tomatoes and fruit and cereal and started mumbling like a crazy person. "You can buy the lettuce...and then the onions....and then walk over here and get cookies...and the water comes out and sprays the vegetables..." There was actually tears in my eyes. But give me a break; I was tired and jet lagged out of my mind. I actually got trapped in the Minneapolis airport because of a giant snow storm. I spent the night there when my flight was canceled and while those seats are pretty comfortable, I was still a little shaken at the hugeness of the store.
There are actually probably about a hundred different examples of me being weirded out by things that should be familiar. Colt didn't know what to do with me for a while I think. I just see so much waste here that I didn't notice before. So much ingratitude for so much stuff. I mean, we have so much freaking STUFF. Why? I'm feeling very existentialist about America's materialism right now. But at the same time, wow. I mean, WOW. America is the best place ever. We have everything you could ever want or need. I can get Chinese for lunch and Indian for dinner or get a quiche or a salad or both or buffalo wings (OMG SO GOOD) or cocktails and pizza. You can buy a rug and fan and a table and bed, all premade and ready to go. It's just sort of amazing and I don't think people appreciate it. Plus the democracy? The freedom? The sheer force of American awesomeness?? Well, that's not something I'll be forgetting on my way home to Africa.
It's kind of cool, but a few times now I've referred to my house in Djougou as 'home' without even thinking about it. And it really is. I can't say that I'm jumping at the bit to get back there right away, but knowing I'll be there soon doesn't sound too bad at all.
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this may be an improper way to do this, but oh well.
ReplyDeleteive been following your blog for a bit as a peace corps hopeful. especially because i am in a long term relationship that i dont want to end (i plan to marry this one).
was that part of your reasoning behind wanting to ET?
i am invited to malawi in june, and i just want to prepare myself for different outcomes.
if you dont feel comfortable answering, i totally understand, or if you would rather answer in a more private way, my email is caitl1n @ hotmail.com
check your email! I'm also going to be writing a post on this general topic pretty soon. I know there are a lot of people out there considering Peace Corps but freaked about the super LDR thing. I know I was desperately searching for something on the topic when I was debating what to do. So I'm going to try to help out a bit here soon!
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