Death Match Destruction: A lizard's tale

I have to confess that I’ve been terrified to go into my kitchen for two days. I haven’t been able to do my dishes or cook anything, although I just bought some couscous that I really want to try out. This fear due to several factors including the dust covered “clean” dishes, the pile of crusty, dirty dishes left by a not-so-considerate group of PCVs, the spider webs and spiders, and…the two huge freaking lizards who set up shop between my water filter and grimy stovetop during my absence.

 For two days, these lizards have been the bane of my existence. I know they are both males because at first they would both do the push-ups, head bobbing thing which is a sign of dominance, an act to show off who is the more bad-ass of the two. At some point this morning, their constant challenging came to a head in an epic, lizard battle, death match.

They battled. Using their spiny tails and heads as fierce weapons, they jumped and dived and dove and circled each other with looks of menace in their eyes all the while in my kitchen and patio. They scaled the walls, chasing each other back and forth, leaping astonishing distances to either escape or catch the other. I watched, mildly horrified, mostly annoyed at the noise, until their heaving chests marked an impasse. That’s when I struck.

Like lightening, I burst through my screen door with a bucket and lid and bolted straight for the smaller lizard looking shell shocked on my western wall. He made a futile attempt to scurry away, but when I thought he might outrun me, I reached for my broom and freaked him out with the threat of continued violence. The larger lizard watched from his hiding spot behind the kitchen door, content to rest, but clearly shaking with fear. I lunged, dropping the broom. The lizard leaped dramatically, but I was not distracted. I lithely slipped the bucket underneath him and used the lid to gently swipe him from the wall after his unsteady landing. The lid went on. He struggled and then went still, playing dead. It didn’t matter; I had what I needed. I marched through my living room and deposited him outside of my front porch by tipping the bucket over. At first, he tentatively ventured his head out, not believing in the promise of freedom. And then, once he realized there was nothing holding him back, he darted into the weeds faster than I’ve ever seen a lizard move.

Feeling smug, I went back for the second, larger lizard. I’d like to say that my experience with catching lizards thus far (ie the one I had caught minutes before) prepared me well for this one. It did not.

After twenty minutes of chasing and lunging, poking and trying to trick him into running into the bucket, he tired out and retreated under my sink. I moved in, grabbed a spatula off the counter, and literally scooped him up like a pancake and plopped him into the bucket. He didn’t even struggle. Outside the front door, he bolted to join his mortal enemy in the weeds and, presumably, to continue their epic battle of destiny.

And me…well, I went back into the kitchen to do some dishes and make some couscous.

Birthday and more

Tuesday, September 21st

Well I made it safe and sound to Djougou and am now typing this entry in my guest bedroom of my lovely pink abode. The master bedroom is not yet ready as I still have to purchase a grand mattress to fit my new grand bed frame. I’m really excited because the double bed mosquito net is BLUE!

I don’t have a lot of computer battery left and I’m nervous about charging my computer before I actually get a surge protector. The electricity here has been pretty spotty and cuts in and out at random. The water seems pretty regular, though, which is lovely when it’s hot as hell and I can just go hop in my awesome tiled shower out back.

Ok, I plugged in the computer…hopefully nothing crazy happens. I’m getting a protector as soon as Doug gets back to town and can help me discuter the price: I have no idea how expensive those things are.

Bad news first: the two fans that were left here do not work and so it is really freaking hot and I need to buy a fan tomorrow. Also bad news…I am sick again! Nothing crazy this time, just a fever and some aches and pains with general fatigue. I’m probably just dehydrated because my water filter broke and I’ve been boiling my water…but it doesn’t cool down for several hours and I’m lazy! But the fever is controllable with ibuprofen and I just finished watching DIE HARD so all is good in the world. And Peace Corps is sending me a new filter on the shuttle next week.

My birthday was surprisingly pleasant. I tried to cook for myself…ended up with a complete shit show of a cake…charred sugary mess…that I did indeed eat a bit of after I sung happy birthday to myself and blew out a candle that I bought for way too much money at Erevan. I spent the day rearranging my house and sweeping and making plans for my next menusier trip. I already ordered screen doors because damn, it’s hot and I want some natural light up in here! My guacamole was actually pretty damn good and today I made couscous, the dish so good they named it twice! I also did orange juice which was a wonderful decision especially with some lime squeezed in there, too. I talked to a lot of people who wished me a happy 23rd and the idea that I am closer to 30 than 13 is just starting to take form…along with the tiny wrinkle I totally have between my eyebrows. It was so nice to talk to everyone that called (Mom, Dad, Jeni, Alex, Mommoo, Colt (and Sydney, too: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADY) , as well as a bunch of other volunteers who graciously used their credit to call and/or text); THANK YOU all so much; you really made what could have been a really sad and lonely day an awesome, fun one!

I opened my only present that had arrived…my kickass awesome pathology textbook from dad. I’ve just about finished the chapter on neoplasia and I tell ya, I don’t think there are many things that get me so excited as do recurring translocations of certain chromatin protein genes. Thanks dad, best gift ever. As to all you other known gift senders, thank you in advance! I’m sure I’ll get ‘em before October is out!

So some pretty sweet news: I have internet in my house (on occasion)! The wifi from my work seeps over into my living room sometimes and I can actually get two of five bars of reception! At first I thought I’d have to wait to get connected because I needed the security key…but I played around with the passwords and actually ended up guessing the right one! I felt like a kick ass computer hacker, haha. Unfortunately the internet is not actually working right now…but I am connected to it at least. Oh, Africa. I think it might just be too late right now and the internet is off once people at the NGO leave work. I’ll try again in the morning, but I am super stoked right now! Even if it ends up not working for whatever reason, I will always remember how awesome I feel right now! Lol

The trip to Djougou was pretty eventful, so I guess I can recount a bit of that. We were supposed to leave Porto Novo at 6 in the morning, me and my closemate, Magda. Well, the taxi didn’t actually pick me up until 8 and than about five minutes after leaving my house, the car broke down. The driver fixed it about half an hour later and Magda and I just talked and waved at all the kids shouting ‘yovo’ at us as they walked by. Well, we made it around the block before the next breakdown happened. This time we ended up waiting for about an hour and a half before a Peace Corps official guy just happened to be driving by and saw us by the side of the road. He stopped and helped us figure out what to do and wished us “du courage.” An old random guy came up to the window and asked us to give him cent franc and I said “you give ME cent franc!” and he just laughed and stood there awkwardly for like five more minutes while Magda and I ignored him.

We made it out of Porto Novo by a little after 11, but then got stuck at the toll booth. Our driver explained that the guy at the window wanted extra money because of our bikes, which are very nice, expensive yovo bikes. Magda and I were like HELL NO, we don’t do bribes…we don’t want to encourage corruption in this society! We have principles! So we waited in the now very present sun by the tollbooth and wondered how long we’d hold out. We ended up calling the same PC guy from before and he arrived about twenty minutes later in a hitchhiked car. He jumped out and the car kept on going toward Cotonou. He explained to us that our brilliant driver had forgotten the very normal and very legal fee for having luggage that was as tall as ours was piled up on top of the car. So no clichéd bribery attempts here, just plain old fashioned dumbass-ery. Now, that’s real Africa for ya.

The trip from then on out was relatively uneventful…except the breakdown in Bohicon and our driver’s random stop in a small village to purchase what we could only assume was a Beninoise…leaving it ambiguous as to whether or not that was the beer or the tanti. Interestingly, they just happen to be the same price…oooh, snap! Nothing like prostitute jokes on a hot African night!

So backup a little bit to swear in. We were at the ambassador’s house Friday morning and damn, it is nice, that is definitely what I want to be when I grow up. We listened to speeches in French and English, Fon, Bariba, and like two other random local languages that I don’t remember. Then we swore in as official volunteers (there was even a ’I will defend the constitution of the United States of America’ and a ‘so help me God’ in there; I felt like I was taking the Oath of Office). We then went to Erevan, spent way too much money on things we didn’t need (holy shit, that place was like a super Walmart…with vrai prices and some stuff that is actually nicer than Wally World…but I could be making that up, months without the conglomerate convenience could be shaping my perceptions). Then we headed back to PN for our night of debauchery, of which my legs are still store four days later. I got waaay too low on the dance floor and just a little bit drunk, but I don’t regret it, it was damn fun. I slept on the floor in Andrew and Krista’s hotel room and after some ibuprofen in the morning made it back to my host family’s house for packing. That afternoon I met some friends at Java Promo, the nicest and most expensive restaurant in Porto Novo (it’s actually sort of indoors or at least under a big awning) with the best food (mashed potatoes and a vrai salad!). I ended up staying there for 7 hours. Yes, 7 hours. Why you might ask? Well, around 2pm it began to rain and a few minutes after that it was raining harder than I thought it was possible for it to rain and it continued that pattern all afternoon. This intense rain of course keeps people from going out and about…which means there are no zems out either…which means I was stranded. For 7 hours! I actually ventured out at one point, just before ordering my second plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, but only made it about 5 minutes before I was soaked through and still zem-less. I cried a little and laughed a little, the tears just joining the rain. I am 98% sure I looked like a crazy person. So I returned to Java Promo, got a beer, and ate some more for a few more hours. It was actually pretty fun in a glass half-full sort of way. Just one of those completely unavoidable, uncontrollable situations that constantly happen here.

It really doesn’t do any good to be stressed out about stuff like that or to get angry. I’m shocked to say it, but I am already so much more patient than I ever was in the states. A lot of us just repeat to ourselves when shit starts going wrong (like the car breaking down in the middle of the bush, while it’s dark…and raining…and the windows don’t roll up on your taxi that you’ve been riding in for 14 hours on a trip that is supposed to take 7)…we just repeat “be like a boat…be like a boat.” What does a boat do? It goes with the flow…and that is really all you can do here in moments of desperation. It’s all very zen. And they said that only the Peace Corps volunteers from China come home spiritual! (The saying goes that PCVs in Africa come home alcoholics, haha.)

So far the only real downside to my house is the just insane numbers of cockroaches. Unlike at my host family’s, the cockroaches here do not just stay in the bathroom…they pretty much wander around everywhere…and I am horrified to say it, they are actually bigger than the ones in Porto Novo. Like- where is the nuclear reactor?-big. But I’ve gotten strangely okay with the weird flat spiders that my host sister so memorably killed for me. They are ubiquitous here…and they eat a lot of the other annoying bugs, so I’m sort of just letting them be as long as they are on the walls and out of the way. I’ve only seen like three, so it’s not like my house is a spider haven or anything. I swept the place today and I think I’m going to be like the Beninese and do so every day…or at least every other day or so. I think that’s the best way to prevent bugs and other critters from taking up residence with me.

As for my other neighbors, the human ones, I have two other connected houses in my concession and I’ve saluated a bit with some of the voisines (neighbors), but I think it’s just a bunch of men! I haven’t seen any women or kids in the concession, but maybe they’re just dutiful wives cooking all day. The house next to mine totally has a huge satellite dish and I’m pretty sure a baby mango spider (those are the rodent sized adults) is creating a web there. As long as it stays the fuck away from my house I do not care.

Well, Imorou is out of town until Saturday so I don’t think I’ll be going into work until next week…which is totally fine with me. I would like to get a little more settled and comfortable just walking around town before I have to worry about starting specific projects. Technically the first three months are supposed to be tame work wise, just getting to know the ONG and meeting work partners and going out with the sensibilization team to watch. It seems weird I guess, but I have absolutely no idea what I’ll actually be doing for the next two years. And even weirder is that the ambiguity doesn’t really bother me. I want to be here right now and as long as I can have regular phone sex, think I’ll be just fine.

E

PS. I’m not really sure who reads this thing…but I hope the occasional f-bomb and mentions of such activities as phone sex do not dissuade any readers. Someone please let me know if anyone under the age of 12 is reading and I’ll at least consider taking the sailor talk down a notch. kthxbai!


Wednesday, September 22nd

Well, I might have been a little hasty with the assumption of internet. Today the signal only came through for about an hour and even when it came through, it wasn’t actually working. Hopefully next week when I go into work I can get it figured out better. I would really like to get online! I’m way to lazy to go find a cyber right now.

Actually, I think I’m not lazy, but sick! I have been just feeling generally yucky now for over 24 hours. The fever went away, but then came back this evening, but not as high. It was only ever 100.4 anyway, which isn’t anything but a lowgrade fever anyway and the doctors wouldn’t do anything about it unless it lasts for like 4 days. I don’t really have any other symptoms besides ache-y fatigue that so often accompanies fever. I’m drinking enough now, so I’m not dehydrated beyond anything that’s normal. Oh well, ibuprofen helps. If it lasts through Friday I suppose I’ll call the PCMO.

Apparently one of my good friends here has to find a new post! Her homologue lied about having a house for her and now she has to stay with other volunteers until they find a new place for her to live. It’s crazy! Oh, Peace Corps.

Well, I vaguely have to pee, so I think I’m going to venture out into the darkness that is my backyard and try to avoid all the critters that come out at night. I don’t know why I can’t remember to pee before it gets dark!

E


Saturday, September 25th

Yeah, so the internet thing is definitely not going to work. It’s really frustrating because there is a tiny signal that comes through during the work day, but for some reason it has not actually been working. So I might need to get my own internet after all.

And speaking of internet, as soon as my computer charges up a bit more (yeah, I’ve clearly just been risking the electricity, although I AM going to buy a surge protector soon!), I am headed off to a cyber. I don’t really know where I’ll go, but I’m planning on just asking a zem driver to take me to one…who knows where I’ll end up?

I have been basically bored out of my mind for the last week. I’ve watched all the Die Hards, the Bourne Identities, Supremacies, and Ultimatums, finished 5 seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and gotten a quarter of the way through Alias season 1 before I decided that I didn’t really want to use up all of that entertainment before October. So I moved on to other things.

I have written a large majority of my personal statement for medical school. I can’t write all of it yet, though, because I still need to actually DO some health volunteer work before I can actually get those thoughts down. OMG I AM SO BORED

I’ve went to the marche a few times just to buy some random things like tomatoes and onions and bread. I went native yesterday and fried up some wagasi, but now I have like three quarters of a wheel left and I don’t really know how long it is safe to keep…and I am not really in the mood to eat wagasi like 3 days in a row. Plus, I splattered oil all over my kitchen and that stuff is really freaking annoying to clean up.

Tomorrow I’m doing laundry and washing all my dishes and sweeping again. The bug that is living on the cot in the spare bedroom must be invisible because I’ve moved all the stuff around and cannot find it, but I can still hear it at night, moving around. See what I mean? I totally have cabin fever. I need to go to work!

I have my big bed all ready to go, but still need to buy a mattress.

There is some species of giant wasp that has decided to make a nest in my little toilette room. So far I’ve been lucky and have not angered it with my peeing, but I seriously cannot be afraid of my toilette room. That is something that I really just cannot deal with. But there is no way in hell I am going to try to kill the wasp. No way in hell. I wonder how good at killing insects my neighbors are…perhaps I might need to make their acquaintance soon. Or maybe I’ll ask Doug to spray it with insecticide because, like I mentioned earlier, there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to be doing that. No, thanks.

I really miss vache qui rit that my host family gave me and I think I am going to go cherche for some of that today. After I find a cyber and post this ridiculous blog entry.

Oh, and I realized that I don’t have any sheets for a double bed anyway. Aaaargh! It’s going to be November before I actually move into the freaking master bedroom!

What exactly am I doing here, again??!

E

A Cockroach story

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Yesterday the Peace Corps gave all of us trainees an official memo declaring that we were not allowed to attend the Akon concert that evening because of unspecified specific security and safety concerns for us. I had already decided to not go because it would have been super awkward with just my papa, but even so I was a little bit irritated that they waited until the day of the concert to actually forbid us from going. What if people already had tickets? I know current volunteers went, though, despite the strong suggestion that they not go as well.

So I’m back in Porto Novo and week 7 is just getting ready to start. We meet our counterparts/homologues/work partners tomorrow at Songhai in the afternoon. This is a person that we are assigned to work with in our partner institution. For example, because I am working with PSI, my work partner will be someone who works in the same building as me, doing basically the same kind of work I’ll be doing. They may or may not have more authority at work than we will, but they definitely know more about the place. On a work related note, I apparently have air conditioning at my office. Awesome. But at the same time, the girl I am replacing was telling me yesterday that she didn’t have a lot of room to pick her own projects, that PSI really just gave her a very structured work environment. That is a bit of a bummer for me. Usually RCH volunteers have buckets of free time and really need to be self motivated. Since motivation is not exactly a trait I lack, I could do very well in an unstructured environment. I mean, I know I’ll do fine with heavy structure, too, I think I just would have preferred more freedom in the selection of my projects. But. My house and living arrangements are going to be so awesome that I feel like I’m not allowed to complain and everyone insists that I can do a secondary project with a midwife if I want. So, we’ll see.

And on va voir really soon, because Wednesday we are shipping out to go on our post visit. As usual, the Peace Corps hasn’t really given us much information on what to expect at post visit or what we’ll be doing or where we’ll be staying or any other seemingly important logistical stuff that we’d like to know more than two days in advance like how we’re getting there in the first place. So somehow at sometime on Wednesday with some unknown number of other people I will be taking the 8 odd hour trip up to Djougou. I think I’ll be going with my new work partner. I know I’ll be there four nights and that I’ll be shown around town and the office and hopefully have a chance to get some stuff for the house if I need it. My buddy, Josh, who will be up in Boukoumbe (boo-KOOM-bay) offered to give me a Teflon frying pan, so that’s one nice kitchen item I won’t have to buy at Erevan. Depending on how big it is, I’ll probably get another one. I like having a big one and a littler one. I think I’m going to make a detailed list about the things I need for the kitchen as well as the rest of the house while I’m up there. I’m pretty sure I’ll be staying in the house during those days; if they say no, I’ll probably just insist that I get to. I really need some alone time haha

I feel quite a bit better health wise, but not really at 100%. To a certain extent, I don’t think I will feel fully recovered while in Africa. There’s parasites and amoebas and bacteria in pretty much everything and basically you just get used to feeling sort of icky all the time. Cara, a volunteer up north, was telling me that some volunteers are just plain rude to other people who are sick because it’s just something you have to get used to and deal with. Of course serious illnesses are a different story, but the sort of general gastrointestinal discomfort we’ve all been having on and off for the last 7 weeks is just something that will get easier to handle the longer we experience it. I don’t know, the idea of some new, strange African creatures living in my gut really freaked me out at first; I was committed to boiling and filtering all my water no matter how clean it looked for my entire service, but more and more I’m finding that I can see myself being a little more lax like the other volunteers have gotten over the years. I mean, I’ve been super diligent about it and I’m still sick all the time, so as long as I have pipe water and not a well, I don’t see anything wrong with skipping the boiling step. It takes like 10 hours for the water to cool down afterward anyway and during Chaleur I don’t think the water will cool down for days. Although, I will probably have a fridge which will help. I haven’t decided yet and I’ll probably boil for a while at post just to be safe. But damn, I’m pretty lazy, and if PSI has me working hard all day in the office, I’ll be tired, too! Haha

So I thought I’d end this entry with a little story. Yesterday I woke up, used the bathroom and showered and then came back into my bedroom to find a cockroach up on his back, legs wiggling madly in the middle of the room. Because I was running late and I remembered that the last time this scenario had presented itself resulted in the death of and easy removal by broom of the cockroach, I simply left for school and decided to deal with it later. Well, later arrived and I was still too tired and lazy. So I decided that the corpse (I checked it by blowing on it; it was dead) could probably hang out in my room overnight and I’d sweep my room in the morning while I did all my other cleaning chores. This morning I arose and looked for the broom, but when I returned, the dead cockroach was no where to be found. At first I thought, “holy shit, the blow test didn’t work!” and assumed he had somehow flipped back over and scurried away to continue his life. But I found that implausible, especially since as I peered down to his final resting place I noticed something very strange and disturbing. Laying there, in the very place his body had been just the night before, were two dismembered appendages of said cockroach. Instantly I knew what had happened. Sometime in the night, some other critters or creatures unknown surreptitiously entered my bedroom and mutilated the body of the recently deceased insect and either carted away or consumed them while I slept peaceful nearby, blissfully unaware. Ok, eww. There are four possibilities for the perpetrators. One, one cockroach or several other cockroaches have turned cannibalistic. Two, one of those giant flat spiders came out of hiding for a tasty treat. Three, lizards. I’ve seen them in my room in the evenings and they look like cockroaches would be their fav. Four, and this is the most likely of them all… ants. Yes, ants. Jess Bruce recounted a story to me about a dead cockroach being carted off by a colony of ants while she was living here. Because of the eerie similarity between the two situations, I cannot help but lean in the direction of the ants. But damn, why did they not want the arms?!

This is my entertainment, people. This is what I have become! Where is that biochem text book??!

I just finished cleaning my diamond ring and I was totally surprised at how dirty it was. I had no idea! It looks all new and shiny now and I’ve been thinking a lot about being engaged. It doesn’t actually feel all that different to me than how serious we were before (a fact that I had to insist upon to the Peace Corps people so I could actually go!). But at the same time, there is something different about it. I guess the significance is mostly in how people respond to it. “Boyfriend” is so much less important sounding than “fiancé” and it’s funny because for the last two or so years, “boyfriend” has not really been an acceptable term to adequately express our relationship to other people. By using “fiancé” and having the ring, people don’t question my commitment to him. The other trainees with significant others back home are seen by the single people here as basically fair game, but I am completely off the market, as if I were married. I mean, it’s nice, but it would be frustrating if I were not engaged, but just as serious about us. I don’t know, I’m rambling, but suffice it to say that I am really glad that I am not going to be participating in the Peace Corps hook-up and rumor mill. Apparently everyone gets with everyone else and everyone else knows about it. I feel way too old for that shit, haha.

So apparently the mosquitoes in my house are strong because the first maman had malaria! I asked her today after dinner what was on her hand and she told me it was from an IV when she was at the hospital yesterday because she caught the palu (palu is short for paludisme which means malaria). I told her she should sleep under a mosquito net and she said she already did. But there are like a million mosquitoes out in the living room in the evenings, so I guess there’s no avoiding it. I guess if you’re not on prophylactics there’s really no way to prevent getting bitten by an infected mosquito. It’s kind of cool because I totally have the malaria parasites in my body right now, but the mefloquine keeps the symptoms away. Totally rad, but it means that even if I left Benin right now and didn’t get any more bites, if I stopped taking the meds I could get malaria in like a month. Also, sometimes the parasites stay dormant in the liver and can resurface in like 10 years! Wild stuff. Related to mamans, I haven’t seen the young maman in like two weeks. I think she and papa are having a fight or something. which is understandable since he’s got two wives living in the same house. I’d probably be in a fight a lot, too.

E