Camp GLOW Bohicon and gluten free peanut coconut cupcake!

So we just finished up camp GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) in Bohicon. The Wiricks ran it and it was beautiful. I feel for the first time in a year that I can actually see the difference I'm making in people's lives here. I mean, my group, the red team, was just absolutely inspiring. My mind was blown in a totally awesome way. I'll just let the photos speak for themselves.

It was amazing and I got so close to my girls. I miss them now! They were so smart and motivated to change the world and be feminists! <3

I got my first med school rejection...and then I got rejected at my dream school, the University of Chicago. So...in order to cheer myself up, I needed to make a cupcake. So I did. A delicious, gluten free peanut and coconut cupcake with chilled brown sugar coconut icing.

classy in the old tomato paste can...but so fluffy!

delicious and gluten free!

before the frosting...crumbly but amazing

probably the best thing I've tasted since America

So there ya go. Life is good despite the med school rejection...which is totally lame but I'm over it. The science camp is in a few weeks and I'm starting to get excited about it. I get my own team again and am running a terrarium project and a solar cooker project. We'll see how it goes. I'm also making gluten free snickerdoodle cookies tonight at the Nati workstation. WHATUP.

Changing my Address!

Hey all. I've changed my address so if you want to send me a package or some mail, this new one will get it to me faster. In the past, all mail went to the capital and then Peace Corps picked it up and sent it up to Nati on the shuttle. Nowadays we only have a shuttle coming up once a month and I rarely go down to Cotonou anymore...so it just makes more sense to get the letters/packages full of amazing awesome goodies (HINT HINT)/birthday presents (HINT HINT SEND NOW IF YOU WANT ME TO GET IT IN TIME) directly sent to the Nati workstation.

Elaina ________ PCV
Corps de la paix americain
BP 168
Natitingou, Benin
Afrique de l'Ouest

Ok, now everyone send me goodies! Gluten free of course :) Check out my wishlist for updates (I just typed "upcakes" haha...I wish!)

Gluten Free, Camp Success, and the 4th of July: ONE YEAR IN (with photos)

Yeah, that title is ridiculous...but very descriptive of this entry!

First thing's first. I am decidedly gluten sensitive. I have experimented quite a bit with eliminating gluten products from my diet and found that all the symptoms I'd always thought were singularly lactose intolerance are linked with gluten intolerance as well. It's mild, but causes me a lot of discomfort. In the last month or two I've reduced and almost eliminated all gluten from my diet; those moments when I slip have been very noticeable. All in all, this is not that difficult to do here and basically just means I no longer eat bread, pasta or couscous. I still get plenty of yams, rice, potatoes, beans, and oats. People with Celiac Disease or high sensitivity to gluten should probably avoid oats, but I've never had trouble with them. Basically I'm going gluten free, or as close to it as I can. I just feel better all around. To celebrate, I made amazing, easy gluten-free peanut butter cookies in my dutch oven:

AHH, they were amazing and I couldn't even tell they were made without flour. One awesome thing about going gluten free here is the easy abundance of soy products. I can get tofu and awesome soy flour that basically can serve as a wheat flour substitute. These cookies have egg in them and I'm trying to be a good vegan, but that is definitely tricky here. In America, I'm going full out vegan, but for now, I'm just avoiding dairy, cheese, eggs and transitioning a bit. 

Going vegan for me is just going to be a great way to feel more connected to the Earth, to my particular brand of spirituality and philosophy, and to be healthy in a way that ecologically and economically impacts our planet and the animals in it. I don't know if I'll be vegan forever, but I think this time I'm really serious about it. When I get back to America for good next year I'll be scoping out those cheese substitutes hardcore!

Switching gears, we just finished up with Camp Sucess up here in Djougou. We had 60 girls from all over the Donga region and we spent the week talking about empowerment, sexual health, healthy relationships, self-esteem, staying in school and not getting pregnant. 

It was great to see the girls making plans and becoming friends. I spent a lot of the week doing general help, running all over Djougou getting supplies and making sure everything ran smoothly. I also had my fair share of time with the girls and really enjoyed getting my hair done and dancing late into the night!

 My session was the sexual health one and I had a local midwife nurse from the health center come and talk to the girls about what sex is and how pregnancy happens...and how to avoid it! It went really well and I know they learned so much.

 I laughed more and was impacted more as a volunteer in Africa than I have been up to now. Camp was hands down the best and most moving experience of my time in Africa so far. 

doesn't Jared look adorable?

Anyway, immediately after camp let out, many volunteers met up in Djougou for the fourth of July celebratory weekend. The weekend included a huge soccer match against the Germans, an American football match (I scored a touchdown!), lots of beer, freestyle rapping, and an awesome rainbow.

Team America and Team Germany all together in harmony after the big USA win (1-0, my postie, Doug, scored the winning goal!)

This is a tiny sack filled with honey flavored sodabe, African moonshine. 

Doug eating a victory meal of pate blanche, sauce des legumes, and a cold beer

This rainbow circled the sun during the afternoon of the American football match

Post BBQ and post busting out some 4th of July themed rap fireworks.

I can't believe I've been here a year (well, in about a week). The new stage has arrived already and are all cozied up in their host families' houses. I've scheduled my mid-service medical exam for September, and am at the point where I can plan out my work for the rest of the year. I'm not really sure what I'll be doing after January, but until that point I actually have a lot going on!

Time has flown by a lot faster than I would have thought. And everyone says the next year goes by even faster. We've got some more ETs coming up, two people that I know of. That puts our total at fourteen people out of our original 59. At this point they said that it would be 20%. I didn't believe it then, but here we are, one year later. A year ago the idea of ETing was just terrifying, something that only people who couldn't cut it did...now, I see that each instance is very specific, very unique to that person. It isn't always a clear cut "oh, Africa/Peace Corps wasn't right for them" or even that it wasn't right for them "right now." Sometimes it just is right for a certain amount of time and then it's not anymore...things change, especially work situations. I can understand that. Who knows what the future will bring for the rest of us? A year is a long time...even if it passes by quickly!

Here's to us! We did it!

You can't take the Midwest out of the girl...

For the last few days I have been feeling more homesick than usual. Perhaps it’s the number of birthdays I’m missing in the end of April, the fact that I know spring is looking toward summer days in America, or that I’ve actually been busy and unable to really reflect on things until they jump out and surprise me. Whatever the reasons, I’m missing home to a higher degree than I’ve ever felt in all my time living away from home.

Feeling homesick to me is like having a major part of yourself not in sync. You feel out of step, out of place, left behind. That part of you is still attached to somewhere across the ocean and the connecting thread is being played like a guitar string, lurching and swaying, it pulls you off course. For me, the feeling of homesickness is being able to close my eyes and the first thing I see is open highway with the cattle grazing fields stretching out to the horizon. It’s seeing Buffalo Wild Wings and Hollywood 14 theaters. The taillights and streetlights on Wannamaker Boulevard. The long drive up to North Topeka past all the familiar turn-offs and houses, signs and sights that I always thought trivial but are a part of where I come from.

A lot of this recent bought of homesickness is just missing the people in my life. Usually most of the ache is for Colt, a feeling that I have long come to terms with even though it never really gets any better. But this thing lately is a lot bigger than that. Missing him is there, sure, it always is. The last few days, though, I’ve been missing my mom, my dad, Jeni and Stephen, Oliver, Zach and Lucas, Skyler, and especially Josh. My family. Maybe it’s because I feel like we’re once again on some sort of transitional brink and I cannot be there to be a part of it. Maybe it’s because Zach is a teenager now which seems like some overwhelming dive off a cliff into new territory, a slap in the face to how fast time really has gone by. A lot of it is Josh, making big decisions about his future. How I wish I could be there to be a part of those choices. For me, a lot of homesickness often feels suspiciously like guilt. It’s been five years since I’ve lived in Kansas for any length of time and my family dynamic has learned to function without me in it. Of course that’s exactly what is supposed to happen when you grow up. But I feel left out so often, forgotten. And then I just feel guilty when I realize it’s my own fault.

I miss my friends, too. My college friends in a different way from my high school friendships that I have maintained and the new home friendships I’ve built. There’s an assumed fierce independence with my college friends. We’re all out doing amazing awesome things like Teach for America and law school. We don’t really have time to be overly sentimental. We all come from very different regions in the world, too, so there’s no guarantee that our long distance friendships will ever be more than that. There’s a few people I really miss, but college is different than those friendships built up and kept strong for ten years or more.

A lot of my high school friends are also doing amazing things. Graduations, getting real live grown-up jobs, getting married, having babies. Most of those friendships are either strong enough to not worry about too much or have faded over the years of me being so far away from home. A few have rekindled after a few years of absenteeism. Several I have just plain neglected. I’ve also built a few new friendships, mostly through Colt, but still important to me, especially looking to the future (Sydney!). Right now I’m really missing Jen, Aaron, Megan, and Mal. I found some old photos of us from the fall of 2008 and was in tears. I’m not a super sentimental person, but I miss just hanging out and being ridiculous. I’ve never had to pretend to be anyone I wasn’t for them. Finding friendships like that is rarer than you might think and I’m realizing that I’ve taken them for granted for a long time.

The people and the places make up the part of me still tied to Kansas. I facebook surf every few days and am constantly reminded of the way it feels to be home, doing the simple things that just don’t exist here and aren’t missed until they’re gone. So I’m taking stock right now! Here’s what I miss most about home:

Meeting a friend for coffee at starbucks, getting dinner at a bar and grill, BWW, good wine, driving through the countryside with the windows rolled down and the radio blaring, playing on a playground, Gage park, the early Italian brunch at Paisano’s with Colt, Papa Murphy’s cheese pizza, sushi from HyVee, walking up Mass Ave in Lawrence, incense, air conditioning, fresh cut grass, sunflowers, Mallory and Zach and their awesome house, going for a long run in crisp morning air, Chipotle, movie theater popcorn, the fluffy, cuddling, Colt’s mischievous smile, premade clothes and department store smells, Candyopolis, Taco Bell cheesy bean and rice burritos, youtube videos on mom’s iphone with Zach and Lucas, my living room and the people sitting in it, cooking with a full kitchen, cupcakes, making cookies with the kids, visiting Wichita and seeing Jeni and Stephen and Oliver and Dad, playing in Dad’s lab, champagne, Aaron Dean Senne, Juice Stop blueberry and banana smoothies, feeling cold, kisses, Barnes and Nobel, easy internet access, quiche and salad at Annie’s with Sydney, sexy cars, the fabulous Megan Greening and Olive Garden lunches with my favorite ladies, girl talk with Kira, dinners at Colt’s parents house, laying out looking up at the stars in the summer, Kansas sunsets, political protests and civic action, super Walmart and giant Dillons, Skyler and the Sunflower house, everything else about Lawrence, my amazing mom, high heels, wearing contacts and dressing up, feeling clean from head to toe, Jennifer Long, anonymity, football on TV, Cold Stone Creamery, fake meat, cheese, the apartment, Dan and Nick, video games, watching Netflix movies with dinner, enchiladas, snow, Josh and his leather jacket, open fields surrounded by old barbed wire fences, antiques, the way my house smells like home, everything else about Colt Sellens.

I wanted to leave Kansas for so long, to get out, get over the rainbow. I wanted so badly to do the great things I am doing now in Africa, live how I am living with the people I have made my friends. I don’t regret my choices, but I am surprised at how much I feel connected to America, to Kansas. It’s almost like I never expected to feel pride at calling where I come from “home,” but I am proud and I really do miss it with more intensity than I ever have or thought I would. I think I’m growing up a little bit, appreciating my background a little more, giving more credit to the people and the place that made me who I am. That doesn’t mean I ever want to actually live in Topeka again. But being close enough to visit sounds pretty okay to me.

Taking the leap

I've been thinking about faith lately, contemplating the reasons we believe in certain things and choose to allow so called reason to take the reigns on others. Do we choose these distinctions or do they just somehow develop? Can the balance shift and should we seek out challenges to encourage our assumptions to change?

Something I've been feeling in the last 9 months is that what we know to be true is never static as long as we allow it to grow. Ideas, beliefs, faith--all these things are dynamic and should be dynamic for social and personal change to really be affected. We can so easily get caught in our knowledge, in what we know to be true, that we forget how to learn, forget that discovery comes from the sometimes unforeseeable opening of the mind.

I've become so jaded while here. I came to Africa thinking change was possible and somehow along the way my thoughts shifted to a deadlock. Everywhere I looked I saw roadblocks to change from the very people who could benefit the most. All the stereotypes we laughingly discussed at the beginning of training seemed to be true. From believing that people here wanted my help to assuming that I was irrelevant and unwanted, my truth made a complete shift. I struggled with finding friendships among women who seem to just perpetuate the injustices against them, and men who daily and constantly harass me to the point of demoralization. Sometimes I really do just want to give up because I know that nothing I do here is going to have any sort of impact in the long run, so what's the point?

Volunteers get together and binge drink. Sometimes there's a therapeutic bitch session where we complain about the administration, the country, the people, the corruption, but mostly people just drink themselves into a stupor so they don't have to think about it at all. It's cathartic in its own way, I suppose, but not particularly helpful and not something that I participate in often. There's something so juvenile about it, like being trapped in a frat house party where no one seems to justify the real occasion. I'm not trying to blame the volunteers; life here is difficult and frustrating so much of the time. But we do get so trapped into our own assumptions and our own frustrations that no one really says anything about anything anymore. It's just the same thing every time, hoping to pass the time away so we'll be one more day closer to being finished with the pointlessness of these two years.

The last three weeks I've been paying my thirteen year old neighbor girl to come over to my house on Saturdays and help me with my laundry. I get everything set up, she washes, and I help her hang the clothes up to dry. She's quick and efficient and gets 500F out of it, which is a pretty good deal for us both. This last Saturday she didn't show up at the time we had agreed on, 10am, which was extremely irritating for me. I assumed that she had either forgotten or didn't care enough to respect my time or her money and I was grumbling pretty angrily to myself while I started doing the laundry on my own. I was starting to scrub a t-shirt when I thought to myself that perhaps something had happened, maybe there was an emergency. Of course that would be my first thought if I was paying an American girl to come over and help me. I would immediately worry about her and want to check up to make sure she was okay, not angrily assume that she had ditched me for some other more interesting activity. Why did I make the choice to be upset with my neighbor for those reasons? Was it a choice? I tend to think yes it was.

 I am conditioned to think the worst of my fellow neighbors because time and time again, the worst is what I've seen. When a Beninese man comes up to me, my first instinct is to be aggressive and dismissive. I am rude automatically because so often I am harassed. Is this fair? I don't know. I'm not sure if it was wrong for me to assume that my neighbor had ditched me. But when she showed up, an hour later, she explained that she was making lunch for her little sister and brother because their mother was traveling somewhere and couldn't make it to my house on time. She said that she would have called but that her family cannot afford a cell phone. Immediately I felt both guilty and elated. Guilty because I had assumed that she was just being lazy and in reality she was working much harder than myself. Elated because a small part of my cynicism had been chipped away by this girl with her honesty and strength. I realized, for just a moment, that my time here did not have to be shaped by the static preconceptions I'd developed, and all I felt then was joy.

As far as faith goes, I know that nothing is certain. I know that challenging our assumptions is the only way to get to a place of acceptance, of peace, because if we let ourselves, we will be surprised by small acts that alter our perceptions. Before I got here, I knew I would change the world. Three months ago I knew I wasn't going to make it all the way through my service. Today I know that with an open heart and mind, I can be changed. I wonder what I'll know tomorrow?

Half a year, oh dear! a photo vignette

Since I've been in americaland I've had plenty of time to get all the photos uploaded to picasa and facebook that my little heart could desire. Here are a few examples; I've also enabled public picasa galleries of various benin photos. Just check out the photos of benin banner up above! Enjoy!

the sunset over a mosque in djougou (also my new blog background!)

my pink front porch

a rainbow as seen from my roof

after we swore an oath to protect the constitution

swear in afternoon with some fellow RCHers

painting I bought in cotonou

my livingroom

me and doug, my postmate/big brother at beer fest

some kids playing soccer at sunset

some cute kids outside the maison des jeunes

the crowd at the world aids day 2010 in nati

dancers at world aids day

the t-shirts were awesome

dancing kids for tips at a bar in cotonou

pounding some moringa leaves into powder at IST

Well, that's it for now I think. I'll put up a few more before I head back to benin in a couple weeks.

A bar watchi wei-tachi et wagasi waranka

I've been learning a lot of Dendi lately; the title is something I ordered for lunch today. Local language is not really necessary for me because I live in a big city where everyone speaks french, but I really enjoy learning it. Sofia and I (the German volunteer in Djougou who, who in highschool, spent a year abroad in Wichita freaking Kansas--damn it's a small world) are planning on taking Dendi lessons together. Whenever she and I hang out we speak this cool combination of french, english, quasi-german (i know a few phrases), and now some dendi. it's pretty trippy.

A good friend of mine from college is joining me in the Peace Corps world of West Africa and will be in Mali at the end of January. I know I was already getting ready to plan a Mali trip for next summer, so it works out pretty spectacularly. I'm glad someone from home will be able to commiserate now haha

So this is really just an update post...Thanksgiving is coming up and a lot of us are going to Nati. I am going to try to bake an apple pie. I am now officially helping my office here with learning english...at 7am three times a week, ugh. i have started getting ready for the med school application season as i have officially received my wellesley college admissions committee packet. I am considering adding like three more random Chicago schools since I really want to go to school there. Naturally, my top choice is Northwestern followed closely by the University of Chicago, but honestly I'd be pretty stoked to go to Rush or Loyola or where ever as long as it's in the Windy City, you know? Hmm, what else? Ah, I learned a new french phrase that perfectly sums up what i am supposed to be doing here: faire faire. It basically means that I am to make others do things, to facilitate behavior change, to help the Beninese help themselves. Faire faire.

I can't remember if I mentioned it, but last week was the Muslim holiday, Tabaski, or Eid ul-Adha, a three day holiday that commemorates Abraham’s (Ibrahim’s) submission to the command of Allah in sacrificing his son, Ishmael. The Koran describes Abraham in the following passage:"Surely Abraham was an example, obedient to Allah, by nature upright, and he was not of the polytheists. He was grateful for Our bounties. We chose him and guided him unto a right path. We gave him good in this world, and in the next he will most surely be among the righteous" (Koran 16:120-121). Before Abraham was able to sacrifice Ishmael, Allah intervened and communicated that his devotion was evident through his willingness to obey the word of Allah, thus his sacrifice fulfilled. Allah gave Abraham a ram to sacrifice instead. The people celebrate the holiday by attending mosque services and praying and then sacrificing insane numbers of goats. Some families save up for an entire year to buy a goat so that they can have a good Tabaski. I myself went to the nearest mosque and prayed with my friend, Affissa. She came by my house and we performed our ablutions, ritual washing of our faces, hands, and feet. We then went to the mosque where she handed me prayer beads and I pulled my headscarf over my hair so that my body was almost completely covered. The room I was in had only women and anyone under the age of 15 was definitely more preoccupied with me than their prayers...oops, haha. Afterward I went back to my house and ended up missing the goat slaughterings. Oh, darn, maybe next year. We ate good wagasi and yam pilée and drank cold cokes, though, and it was the life. Later, we met up with some friends at a buvette. The entire city was partying for three days straight, even at like midnight, when usually the city is quiet.

Well, that's that for now!

I actually have something super important to talk about, but it deserves it's own entry, so stay tuned for next time,

Elaina

A friend in Africa

Well, my friend who was leaving in June that had yet to receive her official invite...just received her invitation! She's leaving June 14th and it turns out that she didn't meet all the medical requirements of her original program so now she is going to sub Saharan Africa like me! She doesn't have the French background, so she thinks she'll be heading to Tanzania. Which is like massively cool...especially since I can now visit her and climb mount Kilimanjaro. Tres cool. I'm definitely glad to have a friend in Africa!

Well, that's it for me. She suggested I call the Placement office with an update to my application, no matter how trivial because that could boost my place in the pile...but I can't really think of anything that they don't already know, except that I'm running the Boston marathon and am raising money for Boston Children's Hospital. Maybe that could work as an update. I guess if I haven't heard anything by Wednesday, I'll give 'em a call. It's worth a shot.