My Description of Service, or Every PCV's Validation

Well, I'm getting on a plane here in just about 18 hours and I wanted to post my DOS. After this post, I probably won't update again about Peace Corps, but may put up a general: oh hai, please come to my new blog over at HopeMD, type post.

Anyway, here's my last year and a half, condensed into two pages. The official copy is signed by my country director and kept on file on official letterhead. Ooh, official. Oh, and PS. I totally tested into ADVANCED LOW in my last language interview. I was pretty excited to have actually gone up a level since swear-in, especially because I was so worried I'd actually gotten worse! So there ya go, even someone with novice level in the beginning can finish up in advanced. Go me!


Ok, DOS time:

Elaina Hope ________
Description of Service
 July 2010-November 2011

REPUBLIC OF BENIN, WEST AFRICA

TRAINING
Pre-Service Learning  (July 14 – September 17, 2010)
1 Language (87 hours) Classroom study of French; current level: Advanced Low.
2 Technical Training (118 hours) Overview of Beninese healthcare system, comprehensive training on integrated disease management, maternal health, and infant and child health; 10 hours practice trainings and activities in the community.
3 Cross-Culture (35.15 hours) Discussion on Beninese history, geography and, traditions; professional and social culturally appropriate behavior and communication.
4 Health (22.5 hours) First aid, preventive and symptom oriented medical procedure, diagnosis and treatment.
5 Safety and Security (8.5 hours) Instruction on safety practices in Benin and ways to stay secure at post as well as incident reporting procedures.

In-Service Training (December 2010): An intensive two week training that reviewed strategies for community assessment, funding streams, and provided and introduction to promoting behavior change. Instruction also focused on PD Hearth, a nutritional recuperation program and Life Skills, a Peace Corps resource designed to promote communication skills that will enable healthy decision making.

In-Service Training (May 2011): A five-day training on community mobilization for malaria prevention and organizing populations to become health resources and leaders in their community.

PRIMARY PROJECT: RURAL COMMUNITY HEALTH PROGRAM (RCH)
Population Services International (September 2010-November 2011): Worked primarily with the office of PSI-Djougou assisting the communications director with social marketing and health education programming in the regions of the Atacora and Donga. Assisted with the smooth operation of the office and compiled monthly reports and tracking of impacts on the community in the areas of reproductive health and HIV/AIDS peer education trainings. Accompanied PSI on regional formations, assisting with logistics and documentation of activities and progress as well as the synthesis of gathered information and reporting. Assisted the office staff with learning English and regularly participated in translations of documents and paperwork.
HIV/AIDS and Reproductive Health (October 2010-November 2011):  Assisted nurses midwives with the placing of contraceptive devices such as upper arm contraception implants, sexual health consultations, and HIV/AIDS testing and counseling. Participated in discussions of healthy relationships and sexual behavior with community women including condom demonstrations and other family planning options.
Vaccination and Baby Weighing (January 2011): Participated in the facilitation of discussions with community women about healthy nutrition for their newborns and children during baby weighing sessions and weekly vaccinations. Helped nurses and health workers track infants’ progress on growth charts and described healthy meals and options to mothers as well as information about exclusive breastfeeding and malaria prevention.
Pre-Natal Consultation Assistance (September-November 2010): Assisted with Pre-Natal consultation at the maternity center with procedures in conjunction with health workers.

SECONDARY PROJECTS/ACTIVITIES
Peace Corps Volunteer Discussion Day (October 2011): Spent the day talking to high school students in the United States while on vacation, discussing cultural life and development work in Benin and answering questions about the application process, life abroad, and social media while in the Peace Corps.
Running Club (October 2010-September 2011): Had semi-weekly informal running sessions with local kids and adolescents and talked about the importance of regular exercise and nutrition.
English Instruction (March-September 2011): Provided informal lessons of English language instruction with community members and colleagues.
Science, Engineering, and Entrepreneurial Camp (August 2011): Acted as the lead science instructor for a two week course of 60 middle school aged kids. Discussed theory and practice of basic science concepts and designed and implemented several science projects (water rocket, solar water distillation, terrarium, science of sound). Assisted kids with the presentation skills necessary to inform and recreate the projects on their own and oversaw the final community science fair.
Camp GLOW Bohicon (July 2011): Participated in five day empowerment camp for girls as a camp counselor. Facilitated sexual and reproductive health sessions and assisted with the smooth operation of the camp.
Camp Success Djougou (June 2011): Invited girls to participate in the week long girls’ empowerment camp and was a logistics coordinator during the week. Developed and facilitated several sessions, including life skills and women’s rights. Designed sexual and reproductive health sessions and assisted a local midwife with answering questions. Maintained copies and information of projects and progress for sustainability and posterity of future girls’ camps in the region.

It's been fun! I'll miss you all, but be sure to check out my new, med school adventures blog, HopeMD, on wordpress. Thanks everyone!

What I'll Miss About Benin (and what I definitely will not miss!)

I have just under 24 hours left in Benin and I've been thinking a lot about my time here over the last year and a half and what I've really come to love and those things that really drive me crazy. I don't know if I'll miss all these things right away or if it'll take months or even years for me to have a craving for something on the list, but who knows? Here it is, my two lists. Warning, it's pretty long.


Things I’ll miss about Benin:

-the sound of women pounding yams at dusk
-the five times per day call to prayer at the mosques around Djougou
-the sound of the rain on my tin roof while I’m laying in bed
-riding on the back of a zem at night with the cool air rushing by
-seeing and wearing colorful fabric and fun outfits everywhere
-women carrying baskets of whatever on their heads
-cute, free roaming, bratty Beninese kids (even though they annoy me, too!)
-adorable baby goats and chickens running around
-yam pilee…sooooo delicious
-wagasi…there are no words for how awesome and unique this food is
-a cold, refreshing beer after a crazy hot day, especially with other PCVs
-hanging out and venting with other volunteers
-the excitement of making American food and drinks with other volunteers
-watching movies at the Nati workstation
-ordering fries at the Nati workstation
-hanging out with my Beninese friends, just sitting or making small talk
-teaching sexual health and seeing the look of understanding in people’s eyes
-greeting strangers on the street
-French, especially Franglais, the combination of French and English
-random sayings like ‘bon assise, bon travail, bon douche.’ It’s just so friendly!
-constant sunshine and feeling like summer (although Chaleur sucks)
-Zaari and cuddling with her…omg, I can’t even think about her, too sad!
-sitting out in my back porch at night smoking a cigarette and looking up at the stars in total silence, feeling small and awed by the world and my place in it
-long runs in the African bush, the red dirt dusting my shoes
-mango season
-joking around with my work partners
-the camaraderie between volunteers and shared experience of living in Africa
-being the center of attention, someone always interesting and worth talking to
-inexpensive and simple living
-lizards running around like squirrels
-the colorful craziness of the market place
-the awesome tan lines on my feet from my Chacos
-the simple joy of eating a good meal and watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother
-the excitement of others when I speak Dendi, the local language
-not having to shave and just being a dirty hippie
-Harmattan, the windy season, and the fires late into the night, burning on the horizon
-the poignancy of the first, cooling rain of the season
-feeling like I’m making a difference in people’s lives, sometimes in unintended ways
-crazy, unexpected setbacks and the lessons learned (although it is very frustrating, too!)
-feeling like I’m part of something bigger than myself

Things I won’t miss about Benin:

-13 hour bus rides in the heat surrounded by BO and noisy chickens and babies
-constant sexual harassment
-extreme pollution and trash everywhere
-Chaleur, the hot season
-frequent power outages and water being cut
-screaming babies and children
-seeing kids get beat and generally abused
-seeing malnutrition and poverty related illness
-feeling ultimately useless in the big picture of development
-waking up hot and sweaty and gross
-always feeling dirty, never perfectly clean all over
-not being able to cool off or stop sweating after a run even hours after a cold shower
-having my privacy constantly invaded by neighbors and kids
-never being able to be anonymous or walk around without getting called out
-YOVO, YOVO, BONSOIR, CA VA BIEN, MERCI!
-getting called "yovo", "batoure", "anasara", "blanche", "blondie", or "mademoiselle"
-pretty much everything in Cotonou except for the good food and workstation internet
-the subtle pressure from some other volunteers to drink and party heavily
-feeling inadequate as a volunteer and aid worker
-boring and carb heavy food options
-constant sickness and diarrhea and constipation
-having to filter water and always be conscious of how safe the water is
-bleaching vegetables to have a fresh salad
-doing laundry by hand
-bugs and spiders and having to spray and kill them
-mosquitoes and weekly malaria prophylaxis
-constant boredom
-missing friends and family and feeling guilty for being so far away
-LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP and all the crappiness that goes with it
-getting physically grabbed at the market place
-the bureaucracy of the Peace Corps
-feeling stranded at post or frustrated with outside communication or internet
-casual cruelty to animals
-the informal attitude toward time and keeping appointments
-hearing creepy rustling sounds at night and freaking out about what it could be
-sunburns and worrying about getting skin cancer
-gross, always dirty and cracked feet
-fearing for my safety on crazy taxi rides
-being frustrated at the slow pace of life (although I’ve learned a lot, too!)
-having to discuter for prices
-feeling lonely and homesick
-being constantly asked for gifts and money and to be taken to America
-Nescafe. That stuff is nasty. I don’t care how desperate you are. Just say no.

Oh, Benin. It's been life changing and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I am ready for a change! I'm not sure if I'll be back on this blog except to post my DOS, but if you'd like, you can keep following my life journey, here at my medical school blog on wordpress.

Keep on rocking!

Elaina

ET update, or Acronym City

I said in my last post that the PC administration doesn't make it difficult to early terminate. Well, after finishing up a couple days of processing down in the capital, I'm realizing that they don't exactly make it easy either.

The ET manual closely resembles the Close of Service (COS) one and because I have spent so much time here, most of my process resembles a COS more than it does an ET for someone who has only been in country a few months or never made it to their post or something. I must meet with almost every PC administration person, get many forms filled out and there is a master checklist that I must get signed before I meet with the administrative officer (AO). I have written a Description of Service (DOS, which I'll post here in a follow-up post), and filled out my official resignation form, and had my close of service medical exam (although I still have to talk with the PCMO about my smoking and get my TB test read...fun stuff haha). I have officially turned in all my Peace Corps stuff (mattress, gas cans, etc) and assigned books (Where There Is No Doctor, Helping Health Workers Learn and many many others), and I need to also go to the bank headquarters and close out my account (which involves a letter and basically taking out all the money left in the account). Essentially most of the things remaining that I have to do are administrative things and talking to the Country Director (CD) and the AO and having my final language interview (scheduled for the morning). I have a couple other errands I need to run in Cotonou and a few loose ends to tie up, but for the most part, I've gotten the majority of the necessary procedures finished.

Right now I'm also waiting on confirmation of my Air France flight information, but if all goes according to plan (and really, how likely is THAT going to be haha), I could theoretically be leaving Benin in the evening on Thursday, the 24th. Which, of course, is THANKSGIVING. I'll be able to have a last meal here with a few other volunteers and say some goodbyes and get a couple photos. I'm planning on wearing my nice bazin tissue, the red marbled pants and top that I wore for the new stage swear-in in September. I'm gonna be cute! Peace Corps will provide a ride to the airport with all my things and if all goes well (meaning no horrible two day delay in Paris grrrr), I could be back in Kansas City by the evening on Friday, the 25th. I won't make it for Thanksgiving, but I'll be home in time for leftovers! Woo hoo!

Ok, that's all I can think of for right now, I'll update with my DOS later on today when I think of it. I was pleasantly surprised after finishing it up. I've felt for a long time that I didn't really do that much work-wise, but then I finished writing the DOS and realized that I may have had more of an impact than I thought. Which is a lovely feeling to have as I'm leaving. Ok, talk to you later!

~Elaina

I'll be home for Christmas

Well, it's official! I am leaving the Peace Corps a few months early to go home, help my family out, and make some money before medical school. The decision was definitely a tough one and one I analyzed for a long time before calling the Peace Corps to set it up, but ultimately it's the best thing for me and my family right now. Essentially it came down to the fact that I was going to have to ET anyway, probably in April, and why should I wait around for five months, get back into a routine, and be frustrated and miserable when I could make it home for the holidays? The Peace Corps does not make it difficult to early terminate and once it comes down to a need to ET for grad school, a few extra months seem superfluous in the long run. Sure, I feel a little guilty about leaving my projects and work partners behind (and I am close to traumatized about leaving Zaari), but everyone has been very understanding, especially of the fact that in reality, it's only a few months earlier than expected.

The next couple weeks will be spend filling out pages and pages of forms, figuring out packing and getting Zaari to her new home. She will be going to the home of a PC homologue who has many kids who love animals. I will be able to get updates on her through my Djougou post-mate and in the end, staying here is what is best for her (even if it makes me cry at night haha).

The last year and a half has been completely life altering and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It had its ups and downs, but doesn't life? Overall, I was happy and feel like I've both done some amazing work here and made many lasting friendships (cue cheesy music now). I'll miss a lot of people, but I would have been saying good-bye in a few months anyway, so I guess it's just ripping off the bandaid early.

All that sad stuff said, I am so incredibly excited to be going home! I'm looking for jobs in tutoring, being a nanny or long-term babysitter, or working as a receptionist at a medical office. I've already applied to over 20 jobs and hopefully I'll start to hear back soon. Apparently moving is sort of expensive...as is getting married and starting a household...(who knew? haha) so I'll be trying to save up as much as possible in the next few months before the wedding and med school.

I also just want to say that there have many times when I've wanted to leave, usually for very emotional reasons not backed by real logical ones. I've missed America and my family and Colt, but I've held out because I'm strong and determined and have never been someone to quit something just because it was hard. While ETing now does indeed solve some of those feelings (completely normal feelings that almost every PCV deals with on occasion), me leaving now is not due to emotional reasons. Right now it's about logic and finances and being a part of my family. Once I reached this point of clarity in thinking about my options, it actually wasn't that stressful of a decision. Ultimately, I'm not upset or struggling with the choice because I've put in enough time for me, personally, to feel accomplished and satisfied with my work and life here. Before I was always worried about regretting the choice later in life, which was a major deterrent to leaving. But now, at this point, with only a few months left, I know that I will have no regrets, only good memories! It helps that everyone I've talked to is supportive and in no way do I feel like a quitter. I loved it here and feel like I'm ending things on a good note at a good time for me.

Benin, it's been real. Stay classy,

Elaina

PS. I'll probably be back on to give a few ET updates for interested people and I may update again once I'm permanently back in the states. I can't believe this blog is ending! It's been such a big thing in my life for a long time now and it's going to be weird. I'll link my new, med school blog here and again in my final post. Yay, for turning the page!

Gluten Free, Camp Success, and the 4th of July: ONE YEAR IN (with photos)

Yeah, that title is ridiculous...but very descriptive of this entry!

First thing's first. I am decidedly gluten sensitive. I have experimented quite a bit with eliminating gluten products from my diet and found that all the symptoms I'd always thought were singularly lactose intolerance are linked with gluten intolerance as well. It's mild, but causes me a lot of discomfort. In the last month or two I've reduced and almost eliminated all gluten from my diet; those moments when I slip have been very noticeable. All in all, this is not that difficult to do here and basically just means I no longer eat bread, pasta or couscous. I still get plenty of yams, rice, potatoes, beans, and oats. People with Celiac Disease or high sensitivity to gluten should probably avoid oats, but I've never had trouble with them. Basically I'm going gluten free, or as close to it as I can. I just feel better all around. To celebrate, I made amazing, easy gluten-free peanut butter cookies in my dutch oven:

AHH, they were amazing and I couldn't even tell they were made without flour. One awesome thing about going gluten free here is the easy abundance of soy products. I can get tofu and awesome soy flour that basically can serve as a wheat flour substitute. These cookies have egg in them and I'm trying to be a good vegan, but that is definitely tricky here. In America, I'm going full out vegan, but for now, I'm just avoiding dairy, cheese, eggs and transitioning a bit. 

Going vegan for me is just going to be a great way to feel more connected to the Earth, to my particular brand of spirituality and philosophy, and to be healthy in a way that ecologically and economically impacts our planet and the animals in it. I don't know if I'll be vegan forever, but I think this time I'm really serious about it. When I get back to America for good next year I'll be scoping out those cheese substitutes hardcore!

Switching gears, we just finished up with Camp Sucess up here in Djougou. We had 60 girls from all over the Donga region and we spent the week talking about empowerment, sexual health, healthy relationships, self-esteem, staying in school and not getting pregnant. 

It was great to see the girls making plans and becoming friends. I spent a lot of the week doing general help, running all over Djougou getting supplies and making sure everything ran smoothly. I also had my fair share of time with the girls and really enjoyed getting my hair done and dancing late into the night!

 My session was the sexual health one and I had a local midwife nurse from the health center come and talk to the girls about what sex is and how pregnancy happens...and how to avoid it! It went really well and I know they learned so much.

 I laughed more and was impacted more as a volunteer in Africa than I have been up to now. Camp was hands down the best and most moving experience of my time in Africa so far. 

doesn't Jared look adorable?

Anyway, immediately after camp let out, many volunteers met up in Djougou for the fourth of July celebratory weekend. The weekend included a huge soccer match against the Germans, an American football match (I scored a touchdown!), lots of beer, freestyle rapping, and an awesome rainbow.

Team America and Team Germany all together in harmony after the big USA win (1-0, my postie, Doug, scored the winning goal!)

This is a tiny sack filled with honey flavored sodabe, African moonshine. 

Doug eating a victory meal of pate blanche, sauce des legumes, and a cold beer

This rainbow circled the sun during the afternoon of the American football match

Post BBQ and post busting out some 4th of July themed rap fireworks.

I can't believe I've been here a year (well, in about a week). The new stage has arrived already and are all cozied up in their host families' houses. I've scheduled my mid-service medical exam for September, and am at the point where I can plan out my work for the rest of the year. I'm not really sure what I'll be doing after January, but until that point I actually have a lot going on!

Time has flown by a lot faster than I would have thought. And everyone says the next year goes by even faster. We've got some more ETs coming up, two people that I know of. That puts our total at fourteen people out of our original 59. At this point they said that it would be 20%. I didn't believe it then, but here we are, one year later. A year ago the idea of ETing was just terrifying, something that only people who couldn't cut it did...now, I see that each instance is very specific, very unique to that person. It isn't always a clear cut "oh, Africa/Peace Corps wasn't right for them" or even that it wasn't right for them "right now." Sometimes it just is right for a certain amount of time and then it's not anymore...things change, especially work situations. I can understand that. Who knows what the future will bring for the rest of us? A year is a long time...even if it passes by quickly!

Here's to us! We did it!

Peace Corps Reform

There is little doubt that the Peace Corps is a valued and respected organization. For fifty years, volunteers have impacted the world and served as beacons of American altruism. The organization as a whole has often been above reproach, a legacy of the Kennedy administration, and returned volunteers and currently serving volunteers alike shy away from criticizing the agency that has been such a huge part of their lives. This is starting to change, and rightly so. If the Peace Corps wants to stay relevant for another 50 years, it has a long way to go.

A recent article describes many of the challenges facing the agency and many of the questions that must be answered. In the article, there is reference to Chuck Ludlam and his wife, Paula Hirschoff, two RPCVs who have taken the lead in the Peace Corps reform action. Their 20 point reform plan calls for budgetary reforms and ways to strengthen the organization (including decreasing the alarming 35% ET rate and plans to achieve sustainable first goal results). They and others are also pushing strongly to get PCVs “whistleblower rights” protecting volunteers when they do speak out. This is, of course, an issue very close to home (literally; Kate’s village, Badjoude, is 30 kilometers away from me). Kate’s death was a direct result of Peace Corps administration not respecting her confidentiality and it never should have happened.

Luckily, many of these reform movements are seeing press. The ABC 20/20 episode about Peace Corps scandals has gotten people talking. Ludlam and Hirschoff have continued speaking out, even if controversial, and I know they are working hard, contacting current volunteers and RPCVs to lend support to reform. The Congressional hearings last month about sexual assault changes in the agency are a step in the right direction, but we need more. I happen to have a few ideas on the subject…

What we don’t need is simply more volunteers. Before we worry about expansion, we need to strengthen. We need better development priorities, sustainable project training. We need better qualified volunteers with more experience. We need to make sure that volunteers are safe and protected, even from the Peace Corps itself. We need better systems for volunteers reporting crimes like sexual assault and rape. We need better training and more resources. Absolutely we need better transparency from the agency and hard-hitting evaluations and feedback. The ET rate is too high, red-tape and country specific bureaucracy lead to tension and frustration for volunteers, our role as a development organization has never been really established, and projects are often unsustainable. We need significant reforms on all levels.

One thing specifically would be more financial support for projects. We as volunteers have to raise money for most of our projects. It would be nice if the Peace Corps as an organization could provide funds for specific ideas. For example, our girls’ camp this month was funded entirely by friends and family in the states. This is a major undertaking that has been successful in this area of Benin for five years and makes a clear and distinctive impact on the community. It is a major project for many of us and yet all the financing is external to the Peace Corps. Another idea, one that Ludlam and Hirschoff agree with, is increased collaboration with larger aid organizations. The Peace Corps is not an aid organization, per se. It’s sort of a mini-aid organization with large cultural and community based exchange aspects. If we were partnered up more frequently with bigger organizations, we could be valuable volunteer workers for developmental aid in a more roundabout way. This is basically what I am doing working with PSI, a large American based international NGO. I am, however, one of only two of us in our 60 member training group who actually works with an organization of this magnitude. And I’m still frustrated with my work a lot of the time.

I initially thought my frustration was only due to the general difficulty of working in development aid in Africa, but that’s just not true. I’m frustrated not only because development work is hard, but because the Peace Corps isn’t really a development organization at all! We don’t have the training or resources to really be effective with international development work. We aren’t really even expected to be. Maybe this realization will help me stop beating myself up about not saving the world. I’m just supposed to experience the world. I’m not sure I accept that, though.

I know that a lot of people value the ambiguous nature of the Peace Corps as more of a cultural exchange program than a development program, but personally, I resent it. I wish the Peace Corps would figure out what we’re really supposed to be doing. If we want to shift work more toward a legitimate development program, we would have a lot of changes to make. Things like data collection, selecting more experienced volunteers, and allowing administrators and managers to work for more than five years would help us look more legit. Of course, not everyone wants this. A lot of people still see the Peace Corps as a time for personal growth, learning a new language, becoming a better citizen of the world, and to a certain degree I totally agree with this. I have already been immensely impacted in how I will approach the world and I know I’ve gotten to know my community much better than the workers in more traditional aid agencies do. I have friends here and am really a part of this place. I’m not sure that would be possible if the Peace Corps was more centralized and focused on development. The fact that Volunteers make the agency what they will is a powerful and romantic idea. We do what we need to do without a set-in-stone mission and there’s something wonderful about that, I agree. But what is it that we really need to do in the world? What is our real goal as an organization? Do we want our tax dollars to go to recent college grads on a two year cultural vacation? We need to figure these things out before we can move forward. And it’s not just me that needs to get thinking; this is something Peace Corps Washington needs to decide.

It has been 50 years. It is time to start asking those penetrating questions. We, as volunteers, as returned volunteers and managers inside the administration, have a unique responsibility to speak up. As Hirschoff and Ludlam say:

“Those of us who revere the Peace Corps should take the lead in asking these questions. Those who care the most…should ask the hardest questions. The Peace Corps is an historic and romantic vestige of the values of the 60s and the New Frontier, but that role is not sufficient to explain and justify its role in the 21st Century. The ultimate act of loyalty to the Peace Corps is to ask the tough questions before outsiders do.” 

So let’s get crackin’. Once again, I really hope I’m not coming across as an anti-Peace Corps volunteer. I know the administration here has my blog address, but I’m not sure how frequently they stop by. Probably not at all (but just in case…hi, guys!). I don’t think my criticisms can be considered inappropriate content and I’ve never had my blog be mentioned to me by anyone in the administration…yet. But I worry about it sometimes. The fact is, we’re not really protected over here and I’ve heard stories of administrative separations (ad-seps) for online content. Granted, those were usually due to country specific political posts, or wildly disrespectful information about the country or the country’s people, but…the fear is there. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. I won’t be silenced just because I worry about who is listening. I believe I have a right and a responsibility to talk about this stuff, to challenge the organization that I believe in so strongly to become better.

I hope in fifty years there will be someone like me riding around on her hover board (you know, ‘cause it’s the future), making the choice to join a still relevant, still powerful, still life-altering and idealistic Peace Corps. But we have to start now to make that happen.

America, heck yeah!

I've been in America for the last two weeks and I have two more to go. My mom had some surgery so I came back to help out a bit on Peace Corps dime. I am actually extremely thankful for the time and money they've given me to let me be here.

I've done a lot of thinking and came extremely close to early terminating. I had made peace with the idea of never coming back to my little Djougou house; I packed like I was leaving forever and gave away so many things that I'll have to re-buy. But honestly I don't mind. I'm really glad to be coming back, I'm actually a little surprised at how happy I am that I made the decision I did. I feel like I've had this huge weight on my chest for weeks now and it's just completely lifted and I can breathe again.

Which means I can fully enjoy my time here. We're talking movies, and so much American food. And since I've been eating meat in Africa, why change my habits for such a short amount of time here? So I've had cheeseburgers and chicken and pork and omg, I don't think I'm going to be able to go back to being a veg. Colt is making me steaks for Valentine's Day tomorrow and I'm getting a really expensive bottle of Cabernet with my per diem that I've saved up.

Reverse culture shock is a very real, and very strange thing. My dad picked me up from the airport and took me to a super grocery store and I about had a nervous break-down. I looked around and saw all the tomatoes and fruit and cereal and started mumbling like a crazy person. "You can buy the lettuce...and then the onions....and then walk over here and get cookies...and the water comes out and sprays the vegetables..." There was actually tears in my eyes. But give me a break; I was tired and jet lagged out of my mind. I actually got trapped in the Minneapolis airport because of a giant snow storm. I spent the night there when my flight was canceled and while those seats are pretty comfortable, I was still a little shaken at the hugeness of the store.

There are actually probably about a hundred different examples of me being weirded out by things that should be familiar. Colt didn't know what to do with me for a while I think. I just see so much waste here that I didn't notice before. So much ingratitude for so much stuff. I mean, we have so much freaking STUFF. Why? I'm feeling very existentialist about America's materialism right now. But at the same time, wow. I mean, WOW. America is the best place ever. We have everything you could ever want or need. I can get Chinese for lunch and Indian for dinner or get a quiche or a salad or both or buffalo wings (OMG SO GOOD) or cocktails and pizza. You can buy a rug and fan and a table and bed, all premade and ready to go. It's just sort of amazing and I don't think people appreciate it. Plus the democracy? The freedom? The sheer force of American awesomeness?? Well, that's not something I'll be forgetting on my way home to Africa.

It's kind of cool, but a few times now I've referred to my house in Djougou as 'home' without even thinking about it. And it really is. I can't say that I'm jumping at the bit to get back there right away, but knowing I'll be there soon doesn't sound too bad at all.

E

JACK BAUER

August 4th, 10:26pm CST, 16:26 Benin time

Right now I am online at the internet cafe near Gbezounkpa and I am attempting to update with pictures instead of playing soccer. I've had that mefloquine induced insomnia business for 2 nights now and I am way too exhausted to run around in the heat for 2 hours.

I don't have a lot to add to my post yesterday, so I'll just say that we're all very excited to hear about our placement on Friday. Heather and Craig suspect they'll be hanging out in the center of the country, the Collines, so we'll see if I'll be near them.

Today we worked on gardening and we got all sweaty and dirty. It was fun, but I was pretty tired. Heather and I now have a sweet little plot of land to cultivate each day. Hopefully we'll get some cucumbers, lettuce, and local tubers by the time we swear in after September!

I am super hungry and I really hope my family has some decent food for me tonight...I don't think I can handle french fries again.

Oh, and check out Jessica Bruce's blog, Under African Skies, because she totally had the same host family as me...which is just so weird to know after reading her blog for almost a year!

Please send me mail or email or packages or something! I want to hear about your lives =D

I think I'm going to go home and take a shower!

E

August 3rd, 2:19pm CST, 20:19 Benin

So I broke into my sour patch kids stash this evening and am happily chomping down on some sweet, sugarly deliciousness as i type this. I thought I could make it a month without candy, but apparently, it is pas possible.

Tomorrow is another round of soccer and this time I am going to remember to bring sports shorts! I have been so tired lately, though, because i think the mefloquine is causing a bit of insomnia. I talked to the doctors today about it and they said that insomnia is a common side effect reported by volunteers, but that it usually goes away after three or so weeks on the drug. I'm going to stick it out for another week, but if I don't get a good solid night soon I'm going to be grouchy and not very energetic for soccer!

I can't remember if I mentioned it earlier, but another volunteer has left training. I had talked to him on several occasions and knew he was having a hard time. I was really making an effort to include him and let him know I was available to chat about the suck fest that this whole thing can be...but I guess if you want to leave, you should go. There's only so much other trainees can do to help. I know for a couple days I was really having a hard time and the only people who reallly helped were current volunteers who had served for a year already. But even for me, I didn't need immediate counsel or anything because I wanted to leave after training was over; I knew I could make it to post at least. It's definitely a bummer to hear about one of us leaving and supposedly about 20% of a stage will ET by the end of the 2 years. So we're already 2 out of 60 gone after 2 weeks...that means like 11 or 12 of us will leave before then...which is like crazy weird to think about. But it won't be me. At least not just because I miss Colt or something. If my post is terrible for administrative or logistical reasons, I suppose I can't completely rule out my becoming part of that statistic until I've seen my post. Not everyone leaves because they miss a significant other (but of the 20% who ET, 80% of those are for that reason).

Tonight my host family was watching 24. Yeah, that's right...24...the Fox TV drama that kicks major ass. It was dubbed in French and watching it totally made my night. I totes recognized some of the drama and told them that I was very happy because it made me think of America. They don't call it 24, though...they call it "JACK BAUER!" And everytime you say "Jack Bauer" in French, it will make you crack up. Seriously, just try it. Now imagine 5 African kids all shouting it at once and you will understand my family's living room situation for the last hour. They asked if he was a real policeman in the United States...and I was like "no, he's not a real policeman. He's an actor!" and they thought that was pretty funny. It was super fun. It made up for the fact that Maman Rico was gone and Estelle made me dinner...which was a plate of lukewarm, soggy french fries with an overly fried egg plopped on top. I ate it all because i was starving, but damn. I have never wanted some ketchup so much in my entire life!

I had a zem driver try to give me shit today. At first he refused to take me home from Songhai for 200F, but then agreed to it when I told him I would find another zem, so I should have known he was finicky. Then as we got close to the school that is close to my house I told him to go to the end of the paved road, where it turns to sand and he was like "noo, you said the school, that will be 300F to go further" and I was like "whoa, buddy. I said near the school and I know the price. I always pay 200F for that same route." I made him pull over then about a block from my house and said "Fine, here is good. I will give you 200F since that's what you said at Songhai." And I gave him 200F, thanked him, and walked off. FUCK YEAH.

So I have discovered that the internet at the cafe close to my school, Gbezounkpa, is soooo much better than the internet at Songhai. they don't have wireless, but I can pay the same amount to use a desktop and then just plug my computer in instead. Heather totally was talking to her sister on skype there the other day, so I'm going to try to get on and post this on tomorrow after school and maybe even get to chat with my naughty puppy, colt...who was not online today when I was at songhai. Grr.

mais, c'est bon!
Love and miss you all,
Elaina

some years of independence

SOME YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE

August 1st, 2010, 12:37pm CST, 18:37 Benin

Today is the 50th anniversary of Benin's independence and it is a big party (grande fete!) all over the country. Many volunteers throughout the country are in Porto Novo, the capital, to celebrate and hang out with fellow Peace Corps folk. It's been really awesome to meet many of the COSing (Close of Service-ing) volunteers before their flights back to the USA. This morning I went to an awesome parade in the town that my host papa works in. He is, apparently, the mayor's primary right hand man, which is pretty darn sweet. Papa seems to be doing pretty well for himself as an elected official and he also has a farm that I got to see today. I finally took pictures!! I will try to put them on facebook, but y'all might just have to wait for my kick ass awesome photos until I figure out the best way to display them and when.

Last night I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting Jess, the volunteer who lived with my host family 2 years ago. She actually has a really amazing blog, Under African Skies, that I've literally been reading since last July 2009 when i first applied to the Peace Corps. She bunked on my floor in her old room after we spent the evening at a buvette (bar) with a bunch of other people from her stage and the one below hers. She is leaving Africa this week for her COS and she never went home to the states during her time here, so she said it was a really strange feeling to be going back. If you've read all my blog and want some more Benin reading, you should head over to hers and catch up on her posts. Under her (and her post mate who was also COSing) expert guidance, we stayed out way past my normal curfew, took zemis at night, rode 2 people on one zemi, and creatively explained to our host dad where we'd be that evening. I felt like a major rebel! But, I think my wild days are behind me...I don't think my French is good enough to fib to him again!

So, seeing all the 2 year volunteers has really re-opened my eyes to what this committment of service really can be. I signed up for a 2 year service, not a maybe-2-years-but-probably-I'll-just-make-it-to-next-summer service. I need to live in the moment and accept my decision, not because I need to force myself through something I hate, but because I should understand the magnitude of this life style that I've chosen and respect myself enough to have the fortitude to fulfull my promises. I know that a certain someone might be a bit disappointed by this realization, but he knew this was important to me even before we even started dating and when I left last month, for all intents and purposes, it was for the entire 2 year service. So he understands and while I feel a little guilty for wavering in my decision the last few weeks and giving some false hope for my early return, I think he respects me more for being true to myself and to my dreams. Besides, what the hell would I do in Topeka, Kansas for a year?

Another good thing about this whole thing is that I can start to think and plan of ways for him (and anyone else who wants to and can afford it!) to come and visit me while I'm here. I know for a fact that I will need to come back myself sometime in the fall of 2011 in order to interview for medical schools, but it would be really cool if he could visit me sometime before then and then maybe once more afterward. I think three conjugal visits will keep me going throughout my time here, n'est pas? So, I'm thinking: CHRISTMASES AND BIRTHDAYS PLEASE DONATE TO HIS BENIN FUND! If we're really lucky, he could come and see me for this Christmas so I wouldn't have to be alone. That's pretty soon, but if we can get the money figured out, I think it would really help me to transition to this life en seul.

Ok, well. I just thought I'd end this with the thought that has been going through my head for the last 48 hours, the thought that propelled me into re-imagining my entire service here. These words were spoken by a true genius, a true prophet of our day, a man whose brilliance for motivation can ne'er be matched and whose words pull me through the tough times to reach that flighty temptress... a complete, successful service:

YOU'RE NOT HARDCORE UNLESS YOU LIVE HARDCORE.

No truer words have e'er been spoke.

E

PS We find out our posts on Friday! Ahhhh!

INVITED!!!

Apparently my heartfelt letter did the trick because after a round of phone tag this afternoon, D called and said he had one last question for me and inquired after my best address. I told him and then he said "well, congratulations because you will be receiving your invitation in the mail!"

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I said "are you serious?!" and he laughed and said that he had to "go to bat" for me against his superiors and fought hard to allow me to be an exception to the rule. He then said "please don't prove me wrong" and I assured him that I would not ET.

And dammit, I really cannot ET now! Haha, not that I was that worried about it, but now I'll let other people down besides myself.

So now I have no idea where I'm going. STILL. I have to wait until I get the official invite package in the mail! He said it would be here soon next week, but could take up to 10 days. Ahhhhh, I guess I can wait 10 more days if i have to!

I am so stoked and thankful that this process is essentially over. I know I have a lot of paperwork stuff to look forward to now, but I am really grateful for the overall smoothness of the process. I got pretty frustrated with the Peace Corps relatively often, but in the end, it's all worked out for the best. Hopefully. I guess I still don't know my country.

Care to make a wager?

I absolutely cannot focus on my work now!
Officially I have 2 presentations, 3 major 15-20 page papers, a biology lab project/paper, and two class exam finals to complete before graduation. And I only have 4 days of college classes left EVER. Finals are the week after and then its senior week and graduation.

OMG I'm going be a Peace Corps volunteer!!!!

Stay tuned for the official country location.
The numbers of Sub-Saharan, francophone Africa countries with health programs leaving in July have increased:

Mali- July 1
Niger- July 7
Benin- July 14
Madagascar- July 19

Who knows?

E

Rewind--what?!

I got a phone call a little while ago from D, my placement officer.

Apparently getting engaged is considered one of a few "life changing" events. Ok...well, whenever an applicant has a life changing event they are required to wait a year before being reconsidered for service...

WHAT?!?!?!

After a mild panic attack and some deep breathing, D went on to explain that they make very few exceptions to this, but that he'd be willing to fight for me to become one of those few exceptions to the year waiting rule. IF I can demonstrate via writing a detailed letter that I should be considered a special case.

Ok, so a) I was being courteous when I informed the Peace Corps of my engagement. As many people have implied, I didn't HAVE to tell them at all. I was trying to be honest and helpful =(
b) Having a ring on my finger does not change AT ALL the level of commitment and seriousness of the relationship.
c) We've planned on my Peace Corps service since THE DAY we started dating over 4 years ago.
d) We WANTED to get engaged before service because it would make things EASIER not HARDER. Having the peace of mind that this engagement brings actually makes us both calmer and more okay with the impending separation.

So basically, I wrote a reeeally detailed letter about our background, expectations, plans for marriage, plans for dealing with the distance and communication, why we chose to get engaged now, and how there is no "life altering" aspect of this engagement that makes waiting a year make any sense at all.

D said he'd fight for me to his superiors, so here's hoping I wrote a decent letter. I just faxed it a few minutes ago. Hopefully things will go well. I have a good feeling, but it's still extremely frustrating to me. I just don't understand why they can't just take me at my word that my relationship is stable and I don't expect to ET? I get asking questions about it upfront, but when I say that we can do it, they really need to accept it. It seems so paternalistic to continue to question my capacity to keep my relationship together while serving abroad. After making sure that we know it's going to hard and getting my assurances, they should be happy!

/rant.

We'll see. Hopefully I'll know something by next week.

E