I'll be home for Christmas

Well, it's official! I am leaving the Peace Corps a few months early to go home, help my family out, and make some money before medical school. The decision was definitely a tough one and one I analyzed for a long time before calling the Peace Corps to set it up, but ultimately it's the best thing for me and my family right now. Essentially it came down to the fact that I was going to have to ET anyway, probably in April, and why should I wait around for five months, get back into a routine, and be frustrated and miserable when I could make it home for the holidays? The Peace Corps does not make it difficult to early terminate and once it comes down to a need to ET for grad school, a few extra months seem superfluous in the long run. Sure, I feel a little guilty about leaving my projects and work partners behind (and I am close to traumatized about leaving Zaari), but everyone has been very understanding, especially of the fact that in reality, it's only a few months earlier than expected.

The next couple weeks will be spend filling out pages and pages of forms, figuring out packing and getting Zaari to her new home. She will be going to the home of a PC homologue who has many kids who love animals. I will be able to get updates on her through my Djougou post-mate and in the end, staying here is what is best for her (even if it makes me cry at night haha).

The last year and a half has been completely life altering and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It had its ups and downs, but doesn't life? Overall, I was happy and feel like I've both done some amazing work here and made many lasting friendships (cue cheesy music now). I'll miss a lot of people, but I would have been saying good-bye in a few months anyway, so I guess it's just ripping off the bandaid early.

All that sad stuff said, I am so incredibly excited to be going home! I'm looking for jobs in tutoring, being a nanny or long-term babysitter, or working as a receptionist at a medical office. I've already applied to over 20 jobs and hopefully I'll start to hear back soon. Apparently moving is sort of expensive...as is getting married and starting a household...(who knew? haha) so I'll be trying to save up as much as possible in the next few months before the wedding and med school.

I also just want to say that there have many times when I've wanted to leave, usually for very emotional reasons not backed by real logical ones. I've missed America and my family and Colt, but I've held out because I'm strong and determined and have never been someone to quit something just because it was hard. While ETing now does indeed solve some of those feelings (completely normal feelings that almost every PCV deals with on occasion), me leaving now is not due to emotional reasons. Right now it's about logic and finances and being a part of my family. Once I reached this point of clarity in thinking about my options, it actually wasn't that stressful of a decision. Ultimately, I'm not upset or struggling with the choice because I've put in enough time for me, personally, to feel accomplished and satisfied with my work and life here. Before I was always worried about regretting the choice later in life, which was a major deterrent to leaving. But now, at this point, with only a few months left, I know that I will have no regrets, only good memories! It helps that everyone I've talked to is supportive and in no way do I feel like a quitter. I loved it here and feel like I'm ending things on a good note at a good time for me.

Benin, it's been real. Stay classy,

Elaina

PS. I'll probably be back on to give a few ET updates for interested people and I may update again once I'm permanently back in the states. I can't believe this blog is ending! It's been such a big thing in my life for a long time now and it's going to be weird. I'll link my new, med school blog here and again in my final post. Yay, for turning the page!

back to the blogosphere

I don't really like that word "blogosphere," but I suppose that's what this world is, a little sphere. I know that right now, while I'm specifically blogging about Peace Corps life, is the time when I will probably have the most followers, the most people who regularly read my thoughts about life. It's interesting to know that the scope of this blog has gotten pretty wide. In a lot of ways, that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to share my experiences with the rest of the world. In other ways, though, it's a bit nerve wracking. Clearly, the powers that be ARE paying attention to what we write, and the idea of censorship just makes me feel pretty icky all over. Because I'm applying to med school right now, I don't want to mess with it, though. Part of me definitely feels that if the Peace Corps thinks something on my blog is inappropriate, med schools would probably agree, and so ultimately it's only a good thing that I am censoring myself, even if it came about through third party censorship. So really, in the long run, no harm done.

And the point of all that was to say: I'm not going anywhere! I'll stop the cursing and maybe think twice about posting negative thoughts, but other than that, I'm sticking around. I still have a lot of time left and a lot of things still to say about the Peace Corps, about Africa, about Benin, and about my life. And I know y'all are still listening, so thank you.

I'm updating my wish list to include more vegan, gluten-free items (more on that later...with a recipe and pictures!), and I'll be posting a few entries today and working on med school applications all day. I'm in Cotonou, just living it up. I live in Africa, man. And life is good.

some years of independence

SOME YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE

August 1st, 2010, 12:37pm CST, 18:37 Benin

Today is the 50th anniversary of Benin's independence and it is a big party (grande fete!) all over the country. Many volunteers throughout the country are in Porto Novo, the capital, to celebrate and hang out with fellow Peace Corps folk. It's been really awesome to meet many of the COSing (Close of Service-ing) volunteers before their flights back to the USA. This morning I went to an awesome parade in the town that my host papa works in. He is, apparently, the mayor's primary right hand man, which is pretty darn sweet. Papa seems to be doing pretty well for himself as an elected official and he also has a farm that I got to see today. I finally took pictures!! I will try to put them on facebook, but y'all might just have to wait for my kick ass awesome photos until I figure out the best way to display them and when.

Last night I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting Jess, the volunteer who lived with my host family 2 years ago. She actually has a really amazing blog, Under African Skies, that I've literally been reading since last July 2009 when i first applied to the Peace Corps. She bunked on my floor in her old room after we spent the evening at a buvette (bar) with a bunch of other people from her stage and the one below hers. She is leaving Africa this week for her COS and she never went home to the states during her time here, so she said it was a really strange feeling to be going back. If you've read all my blog and want some more Benin reading, you should head over to hers and catch up on her posts. Under her (and her post mate who was also COSing) expert guidance, we stayed out way past my normal curfew, took zemis at night, rode 2 people on one zemi, and creatively explained to our host dad where we'd be that evening. I felt like a major rebel! But, I think my wild days are behind me...I don't think my French is good enough to fib to him again!

So, seeing all the 2 year volunteers has really re-opened my eyes to what this committment of service really can be. I signed up for a 2 year service, not a maybe-2-years-but-probably-I'll-just-make-it-to-next-summer service. I need to live in the moment and accept my decision, not because I need to force myself through something I hate, but because I should understand the magnitude of this life style that I've chosen and respect myself enough to have the fortitude to fulfull my promises. I know that a certain someone might be a bit disappointed by this realization, but he knew this was important to me even before we even started dating and when I left last month, for all intents and purposes, it was for the entire 2 year service. So he understands and while I feel a little guilty for wavering in my decision the last few weeks and giving some false hope for my early return, I think he respects me more for being true to myself and to my dreams. Besides, what the hell would I do in Topeka, Kansas for a year?

Another good thing about this whole thing is that I can start to think and plan of ways for him (and anyone else who wants to and can afford it!) to come and visit me while I'm here. I know for a fact that I will need to come back myself sometime in the fall of 2011 in order to interview for medical schools, but it would be really cool if he could visit me sometime before then and then maybe once more afterward. I think three conjugal visits will keep me going throughout my time here, n'est pas? So, I'm thinking: CHRISTMASES AND BIRTHDAYS PLEASE DONATE TO HIS BENIN FUND! If we're really lucky, he could come and see me for this Christmas so I wouldn't have to be alone. That's pretty soon, but if we can get the money figured out, I think it would really help me to transition to this life en seul.

Ok, well. I just thought I'd end this with the thought that has been going through my head for the last 48 hours, the thought that propelled me into re-imagining my entire service here. These words were spoken by a true genius, a true prophet of our day, a man whose brilliance for motivation can ne'er be matched and whose words pull me through the tough times to reach that flighty temptress... a complete, successful service:

YOU'RE NOT HARDCORE UNLESS YOU LIVE HARDCORE.

No truer words have e'er been spoke.

E

PS We find out our posts on Friday! Ahhhh!

INVITED!!!

Apparently my heartfelt letter did the trick because after a round of phone tag this afternoon, D called and said he had one last question for me and inquired after my best address. I told him and then he said "well, congratulations because you will be receiving your invitation in the mail!"

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I said "are you serious?!" and he laughed and said that he had to "go to bat" for me against his superiors and fought hard to allow me to be an exception to the rule. He then said "please don't prove me wrong" and I assured him that I would not ET.

And dammit, I really cannot ET now! Haha, not that I was that worried about it, but now I'll let other people down besides myself.

So now I have no idea where I'm going. STILL. I have to wait until I get the official invite package in the mail! He said it would be here soon next week, but could take up to 10 days. Ahhhhh, I guess I can wait 10 more days if i have to!

I am so stoked and thankful that this process is essentially over. I know I have a lot of paperwork stuff to look forward to now, but I am really grateful for the overall smoothness of the process. I got pretty frustrated with the Peace Corps relatively often, but in the end, it's all worked out for the best. Hopefully. I guess I still don't know my country.

Care to make a wager?

I absolutely cannot focus on my work now!
Officially I have 2 presentations, 3 major 15-20 page papers, a biology lab project/paper, and two class exam finals to complete before graduation. And I only have 4 days of college classes left EVER. Finals are the week after and then its senior week and graduation.

OMG I'm going be a Peace Corps volunteer!!!!

Stay tuned for the official country location.
The numbers of Sub-Saharan, francophone Africa countries with health programs leaving in July have increased:

Mali- July 1
Niger- July 7
Benin- July 14
Madagascar- July 19

Who knows?

E

Counting Down

I am trying to not have Restless Applicant Syndrome. It is not an easy condition to avoid, however. I wake up each day and check my email to see if there is the foreshadowed toolkit update message. But alas. I feel like I just want to know so that I can go buy a bunch of books about the country and learn its history and its people. I want to start creating a picture in my mind of what this experience will be, but I just think its too premature to begin doing that unless I have a country name and a specific date when I'd be leaving.

Benin. Staging dates in the beginning of July according to the Wiki and also doing some clever PC journals reconnaissance makes this West African country the most likely. I know this by spending way too much time at Peace Corps Journals.com, and looking at the Benin health extension volunteers' dates of staging. It seems like the most recent one was July 2009...which suggests a repeat performance this year. OF COURSE, I don't want to get my hopes up or anything and honestly I'd be happy anywhere in Africa, but if this is the place, that is seriously awesome. Birthplace of voodoo, beautiful beaches, history of Marxist-Leninist dictatorship?! What is there not to love?

I am so grateful to have a relatively obstacle free process going on here. There are so many potential applicants who don't get to this point or have to fight hard to get to where I am. So I am grateful for my waiting. I am glad to have the chance to have to fight off restless applicant syndrome!

Honestly, I am just anxious to be finished with college and I am ready to move onto my next adventure. If that experience can impact the lives of others in a positive way than I am even more anxious to begin. This is the opportunity of my life here and not something that realistically I will ever be able to do again in the same way. I am not naive and don't plan on saving the world or anything. I am well aware that the person who will most be impacted by my service is myself and I am okay with that. We are a global society, but we know so little about each other. If I can represent America to a few people, perhaps some of that misunderstanding can be alleviated. I guess that's what peace really is.