Hanging out in Paris

"I am working in Paris. I cannot for a single day get the thought out of my head that there probably exists something essential, some immutable reality, and now that I have lost everything else (thank God, it gets lost all on its own) I am trying to preserve this and, what is more, not to be content. In a word: I am working."
-Chagall




I wish I was working. I'm really just trying to not fall asleep or starve to death. See...my flight back to Benin was cancelled and rescheduled for tomorrow. But I didn't KNOW that until I arrived here in Paris. And since they made the cancellation long enough ago (like anytime before today apparently), they won't give me a hotel room. And since I decided that because I was going back to Africa and didn't need my American money and thus gave it to Colt in the Kansas City airport...I officially have no money and I'm stranded in the Paris airport...until tomorrow. And I'm hungry. But wait. I have no money for food! AHHH. It's like survivor. I seriously don't even know where I'm going to sleep. Probably in a metal chair. 


Lucky for me, the McDonald's has free wifi. Unlucky for me, my computer battery is slowly dying and my wall charger doesn't fit the freaky french plug ins. Also unlucky for me, I'm about to pass out from jetlagged induced exhaustion and seriously have no idea where I'll go. It's not like it matters if I go back through security or not any time soon since most people getting on this flight won't even arrive to the airport for another like 22 hours. 


I did walk outside into the Parisian air expecting a moment of awe or something. Mostly it was just cold and the ground was littered with cigarette butts. So I came back in to McDonald's...where I don't have any money for food, but at least the ole golden arches remind me of home.


Here goes another round of this whole across the ocean, Peace Corps thing. My heart is already aching but at least I'm too tired to cry anymore.


Elaina


PS. I got accepted to the University of Kansas School of Medicine! I got the letter last week and jumped around like a crazy person for a while. I'm gonna be a doctor!!!!!


PPS. This fact makes finishing up these last few Peace Corps months very difficult. It's like senioritis with a long distance relationship. Not a good combo. 


PPPS. I totally forgot to bring back Thanksgiving food stuff. I was really excited about being about to make pumpkin pie. Fail.

A May Update

Things have been pretty relaxed around here, treading precipitously on lazy I dare say.

After IST, I spent a couple nights in Nati to just wind down, use some awesome internet, and catch the tail end of Mango Olympics, the Peer Support Network (PSN) program of the year. I had a very nice time, actually. I streamed the three most recent episodes of Grey’s Anatomy (holy love of all that is holy, that workstation internet is fast!), had myself a few beers with some good friends, and had my fair share of the deliciousness that was the mango pie that Mary made (see last post for da foto). I lounged around with glee, knowing that Imorou, my work partner back in Djougou, was still out of town on formation that I was not invited to (because of the IST business). I also got to talk to Colt for the first time in like A MILLENIUM, which was amazing and very very needed.

Since being back from Nati, I have been feeling a little under the weather. I’m not sure if this is general Peace Corps related apathy (oh no, I have nothing scheduled for months and am just going to DIE here of boredom) or a little bacterial infection. Maybe it’s malaria, but the no fever thing sort of rules that out. That and the insane, liver-destroying prophylaxis we take weekly. So I just gave myself a couple days to chill out. Yesterday, I actually went an entire day without seeing another human being and can I just say that it was lovely? It was my first alone day in like weeks.

Part of my misanthropy is a direct result of my having been robbed. Not like someone broke into my house or anything like that, but my cell phone was stolen from me. I, of course, stupidly left it on the bus on the way back from IST, and when I asked the bus people about it, they were clueless…meaning it has been taken. Which sucks. Honestly, though, I’ve been nonplussed about the whole thing. I mean, I was annoyed for sure, but when I really started thinking about it, I figured that there wasn’t really anything I could do about it, except get a new one. So I came back to Djougou planning on zemming out to the MTN store to try to get a new sim card with the same number. That plan was stymied, however, when I got out of the taxi and discovered that my helmet had been stolen. That’s right, two important commodities, stolen within a week of each other. The helmet thing pissed me off. I demanded the driver find out what happened. He asked for my contact information so he could return it to me when he found it. I, however, HAVE NO CELL PHONE. He promised to bring it to PSI next week, though, when located. He better do it, too. I got his name and number and will be passing it on to the security guy at Peace Corps if I don’t get my helmet back. Walking around this hugely sprawling city is a bitch.

Case in point: It took AN HOUR to walk to the MTN store. In the middle of the day. With the sun BEATING down on me. At least the place was airconditioned. I sat for (ONLY!) three hours and got a new sim card. I was actually pretty happy with the service there, besides the wait. The lady was professional, using the vous form and speaking really fast and courteously, almost like in Americaland. I get my same number, too, so yay for 66.23.91.13 or as we say here “soixante-six, vingt-trois, quatre vingt-onze, treize.” Thank Allah for small favors. Then I walked the hour long walk home at dusk.

I had to leave my ID card with them, though. Apparently their copy machine was down and I didn’t want to wait an indeterminate number of hours because I wanted to get home before dark. So I left it, they promised to keep it safe, and I said I’d go back for it the next day. Which I didn’t. Because of the lazy. But it’s fine. It’ll be safe until later. I hope.

Zaari is good. She meows a lot less. I’m not sure if that’s because she’s growing up or because she was completely traumatized by her week of NO MOMMY when I was at IST last week. Doug came by to feed her every couple of days, but I sort of think it wasn’t enough food. She’s been eating an entire can of sardines each day now and he only gave her a can for every two days or so. I’m pretty sure she was like freaking out, thinking she was near death or something. Which makes me feel kinda bad. But at least she’s eating a lot now. She’s also freaking huge. Like almost the size of real live, American kitten. I think she’s about thirteen or fourteen weeks. After we get paid at the end of the month, I’m going to finally get her vaccinated. I know, I know. It’s about time. She’s been mostly healthy, save for the “let’s add water to this sweetened, condensed milk and see if she’ll like it” phase. Note: she liked it, but puked it back up twenty minutes later. She’s also into killing lizards. Not necessarily eating all of it once killed, but she does enjoy the killing itself for sure. She killed one the other day and ate half of it before deciding she’d rather just eat sardines. Seriously, the top half of the lizard was gone, the back legs and tail just sitting all macabre out on my patio, his guts sort of unceremoniously tangled beside him. I know it was a he, too, because of the tiny little ignored gonads on the cement. Of course, they could have been ovaries. I don’t know anything about internal lizard anatomy. I’ve only dissected felines, sharks, and pigs for chrissakes.

So that’s that. My internet is back to being shitty. I have yet to finish filling out my med school application, although I got a good portion done while in Nati. I have about four sections left to finish before June 1st when I’ll be submitting the monster. Hopefully the PSI internet will be superb this week and I can get ‘er done. Ew, I can’t believe I just said “get ‘er done.” How Kansan of me.

Running? What running? I’ve not purposely gone on a run for 9 days now. That’s like completely ceasing all physical activity. Starting up again will be akin to beginning a new exercise routine, ask your doctor style. Again, not sure if the cause is general PC apathy or actual medical fatigue, but I just cannot get my ass out of bed in the morning to go run. By the time I’m up it’s way too freaking hot. I thought this hot season was over, but apparently it has decided to hang out for a bit longer. And, um, rainy season my ass. It’s rained like once in the last month. Of course, it was so intense, the water pooled under my windows and slowly trickled from one end of my house to the other, leaving a lovely wet mark stain. The river Djougs. Anyway, tomorrow I am BEGGING PROMISING FORCING THREATENING myself to get up by 6:30 and JUST GO. I mean, I will never have this much free time to get myself into an acceptable running schedule. I should SERIOUSLY make use of it so that when I’m in med school I have some sort of precedent for getting up at ungodly hours for the HOLY WORK-OUT. We’ll see how it goes.

In general I am sort of shocked that it is already May 21st (yes I’m post-posting this post…haha). My little bros have already finished with school. It’s like SUMMER WOO HOO time there already. Finals are so last week over. Graduations have happened already (well, except for Wellesley’s which is this weekend…holy mother of mothers, has it really been A YEAR since my own graduation??). Labor day marks the beginning of pool season and I am jealous. Of pools, most definitely. Of changing seasons? Um, yes. It’s been like the summer of hell here for 10 months. Windy season, rainy season, hot season. It doesn’t matter. It’s all summer all the time. Which I love. But still. I’m looking forward to my visit home in October. Yay, long sleeves!

Well, that paragraph wasn’t very organized. Oh well. I honestly don’t have much else to talk about. Work? Hmm. Monday I’ll go back to work at the office and will probably get started on end of the month reports. I feel like I just did these for April, but that’s how it goes I guess. I think Tuesday will be much of the same, Wednesday I’ll head over to the maternite for some baby stuff…maybe…they still don’t really know what to do with me. I’m frankly considering not even bothering. I usually just go and sit and watch prenatal consultations which is like boring as shit after the first, I don’t know, million. Thursday I’ll go to the HIV/AIDS testing center, which I actually enjoy. The people there are nice, I can watch cool procedures (like contraception insertions), do some easy peasy paperwork for them, fix their computer (usually just turning it off and then back on again heh), and they have a scale which says I weigh like ten pounds less than I do. So that’s always fun for the ole self-esteem. Then Friday I’m back at PSI. Honestly, I’m not super psyched about the work I do here. Can I say that? Out of the THREE GOALS of Peace Corps, the first one sort of sucks for me. I think that’s the way it is for a lot of volunteers, but whew. I feel better just getting it out there and off my chest. I’m bored with my work. There, I said it. The rest of my “job” here I really really love. Transferring knowledge about America to the Beninese and vice versa. I’m really good at that! Just today I had about five kids hanging out and we talked about American games and I taught them some English. It was fun and 2/3 of what I’m supposed to be doing here. So that’s good. And I guess I don’t always dislike my official work. I like the health center and talking to people casually about health related issues. And I like it when I feel useful at the office. That’s just sort of rare. C’est la vie, quoi. Ou bien?

So that’s that, folks. Not much to see here, move along. I wish I could recount harrowing tales of heroism or breathtaking displays of poverty and the romanticized happiness and carefree attitude of the people or even just talk about how I’m saving African babies and wiping the sweat off my brow with my red-dirt covered palm…but, I’m too busy being lazy and watching my cat eviscerate lizards right now. Maybe tomorrow.

E

PS. I actually DO have a story about traveling through the backwater villages on terre rouge, but I still have to bust it out. I’ll put it up as soon as the creative juices are flowing.

Ew..flow. Heh.

You can't take the Midwest out of the girl...

For the last few days I have been feeling more homesick than usual. Perhaps it’s the number of birthdays I’m missing in the end of April, the fact that I know spring is looking toward summer days in America, or that I’ve actually been busy and unable to really reflect on things until they jump out and surprise me. Whatever the reasons, I’m missing home to a higher degree than I’ve ever felt in all my time living away from home.

Feeling homesick to me is like having a major part of yourself not in sync. You feel out of step, out of place, left behind. That part of you is still attached to somewhere across the ocean and the connecting thread is being played like a guitar string, lurching and swaying, it pulls you off course. For me, the feeling of homesickness is being able to close my eyes and the first thing I see is open highway with the cattle grazing fields stretching out to the horizon. It’s seeing Buffalo Wild Wings and Hollywood 14 theaters. The taillights and streetlights on Wannamaker Boulevard. The long drive up to North Topeka past all the familiar turn-offs and houses, signs and sights that I always thought trivial but are a part of where I come from.

A lot of this recent bought of homesickness is just missing the people in my life. Usually most of the ache is for Colt, a feeling that I have long come to terms with even though it never really gets any better. But this thing lately is a lot bigger than that. Missing him is there, sure, it always is. The last few days, though, I’ve been missing my mom, my dad, Jeni and Stephen, Oliver, Zach and Lucas, Skyler, and especially Josh. My family. Maybe it’s because I feel like we’re once again on some sort of transitional brink and I cannot be there to be a part of it. Maybe it’s because Zach is a teenager now which seems like some overwhelming dive off a cliff into new territory, a slap in the face to how fast time really has gone by. A lot of it is Josh, making big decisions about his future. How I wish I could be there to be a part of those choices. For me, a lot of homesickness often feels suspiciously like guilt. It’s been five years since I’ve lived in Kansas for any length of time and my family dynamic has learned to function without me in it. Of course that’s exactly what is supposed to happen when you grow up. But I feel left out so often, forgotten. And then I just feel guilty when I realize it’s my own fault.

I miss my friends, too. My college friends in a different way from my high school friendships that I have maintained and the new home friendships I’ve built. There’s an assumed fierce independence with my college friends. We’re all out doing amazing awesome things like Teach for America and law school. We don’t really have time to be overly sentimental. We all come from very different regions in the world, too, so there’s no guarantee that our long distance friendships will ever be more than that. There’s a few people I really miss, but college is different than those friendships built up and kept strong for ten years or more.

A lot of my high school friends are also doing amazing things. Graduations, getting real live grown-up jobs, getting married, having babies. Most of those friendships are either strong enough to not worry about too much or have faded over the years of me being so far away from home. A few have rekindled after a few years of absenteeism. Several I have just plain neglected. I’ve also built a few new friendships, mostly through Colt, but still important to me, especially looking to the future (Sydney!). Right now I’m really missing Jen, Aaron, Megan, and Mal. I found some old photos of us from the fall of 2008 and was in tears. I’m not a super sentimental person, but I miss just hanging out and being ridiculous. I’ve never had to pretend to be anyone I wasn’t for them. Finding friendships like that is rarer than you might think and I’m realizing that I’ve taken them for granted for a long time.

The people and the places make up the part of me still tied to Kansas. I facebook surf every few days and am constantly reminded of the way it feels to be home, doing the simple things that just don’t exist here and aren’t missed until they’re gone. So I’m taking stock right now! Here’s what I miss most about home:

Meeting a friend for coffee at starbucks, getting dinner at a bar and grill, BWW, good wine, driving through the countryside with the windows rolled down and the radio blaring, playing on a playground, Gage park, the early Italian brunch at Paisano’s with Colt, Papa Murphy’s cheese pizza, sushi from HyVee, walking up Mass Ave in Lawrence, incense, air conditioning, fresh cut grass, sunflowers, Mallory and Zach and their awesome house, going for a long run in crisp morning air, Chipotle, movie theater popcorn, the fluffy, cuddling, Colt’s mischievous smile, premade clothes and department store smells, Candyopolis, Taco Bell cheesy bean and rice burritos, youtube videos on mom’s iphone with Zach and Lucas, my living room and the people sitting in it, cooking with a full kitchen, cupcakes, making cookies with the kids, visiting Wichita and seeing Jeni and Stephen and Oliver and Dad, playing in Dad’s lab, champagne, Aaron Dean Senne, Juice Stop blueberry and banana smoothies, feeling cold, kisses, Barnes and Nobel, easy internet access, quiche and salad at Annie’s with Sydney, sexy cars, the fabulous Megan Greening and Olive Garden lunches with my favorite ladies, girl talk with Kira, dinners at Colt’s parents house, laying out looking up at the stars in the summer, Kansas sunsets, political protests and civic action, super Walmart and giant Dillons, Skyler and the Sunflower house, everything else about Lawrence, my amazing mom, high heels, wearing contacts and dressing up, feeling clean from head to toe, Jennifer Long, anonymity, football on TV, Cold Stone Creamery, fake meat, cheese, the apartment, Dan and Nick, video games, watching Netflix movies with dinner, enchiladas, snow, Josh and his leather jacket, open fields surrounded by old barbed wire fences, antiques, the way my house smells like home, everything else about Colt Sellens.

I wanted to leave Kansas for so long, to get out, get over the rainbow. I wanted so badly to do the great things I am doing now in Africa, live how I am living with the people I have made my friends. I don’t regret my choices, but I am surprised at how much I feel connected to America, to Kansas. It’s almost like I never expected to feel pride at calling where I come from “home,” but I am proud and I really do miss it with more intensity than I ever have or thought I would. I think I’m growing up a little bit, appreciating my background a little more, giving more credit to the people and the place that made me who I am. That doesn’t mean I ever want to actually live in Topeka again. But being close enough to visit sounds pretty okay to me.

The Phases of the LDR

I. TOGETHER

(1) Honeymoon
     Intense happiness at the reuniting after time apart. Marked by a relatively unrealistic lifestyle: joined at the hip, all activities are performed together, inseparable. High intensity, almost giddiness pervades the time together. Duration is short, 10% of time together up to two weeks.

(2) Comfort
     Intensity has faded into a happy comfort. This phase most resembles the routine that occurs or would occur when not involved in the long distance relationship. Healthy arguments are resolved happily, and playfulness and flirting are commonplace. At times there is an almost disbelief that separation will occur. Duration is up to 90% of time together and can last indefinitely if the separation is withheld.

(3) Anticipation
     In the last few weeks or days together, a very brief phase of remorse occurs. It is a glimpse of the sadness that both know is to come. Duration is only a day or two and can sometimes be interpreted as outside stresses.

(4) Anger
     In the days preceding the separation, there is an increased amount of arguing and frustration. Fights occur more frequently and there could be entire days where one or both parties are argumentative or antagonistic for no apparent reason. Duration is only a day or two and can often be shortened if recognized.

(5) Separation
     The day of separation is marked by highs and lows, spontaneous tears or laughter. The intensity of sadness is proportional to the anticipated amount of time apart. The end of this phase marks the beginning of the APART section, and the commencing of the Acute Sadness phase.

II. APART

(1) Acute Sadness
      The most painful stage. Short, but almost unbearably intense. Can last up to a week and is characterized by regular bursts of tears, sleeplessness, and an aching feeling like one's heart has been punched out. High levels of communication are very important here and yet unproductive as most conversation is repetitive pleas and declarations of missing the other. Duration is thankfully only a few days, up to a week or so after the initial separation.

(2) Sadness
     The Acute phase transitions into the Sadness phase quite smoothly. Slowly the tears start to come less often and just a generalized depression overlays everything. Conversations with the parter are important during this time, as they are a light of happiness in the dark. Duration can be short or seemingly unending depending on how conscious the individual is of the situation.

(3) Apathy
     Sadness morphs into Apathy, one of the most dangerous phases. An offshoot of depression, the individual sleeps excessively, takes off from work, skips meals, and basically just zones out. Even conversations with the partner do not overly interest one in the apathetic phase. Duration can be up to 50% of time apart, but can be curtailed by engaging in activities that draw attention, a "fake it 'til you make it" perspective that gives a false, but comforting sense of acceptance.

(4) Fear
     This acute phase is a clear indicator of the end of the Apathy phase. It is marked by sudden anxiety about the security of the relationship or fears about the partner's health or safety. Dreams where a partner leaves or is injured are common. Decisions to prematurely end the separation most often occur here. This phase is most often alleviated by good communication with the other partner, alleviating the fears and encouraging the struggling partner to be strong. Duration is short if the separation is successfully maintained, up to a week or two.

(5) Acceptance
     When the fear fades, Acceptance occurs. If successfully managed, this can be the longest phase of the separation, up to 80%. This phase is marked by typical levels of happiness and sadness as found in the general population with the highest levels of relationship satisfaction occurring before and after conversations with the partner. When both partners are in this same phase, the separation is not unduly difficult and can be pleasantly managed with letters, gifts, texts, phone calls, and skype conversations. If the other phases are experienced quickly, getting to this phase is like a breath of fresh air, leading to a healthy relationship and planning for the next reunion. Duration can be the remainder of the separation with occasional relapses to the others if not cognizant. If mindful, the Acceptance phase can be just another variation of the Comfort phase.


I am in the Acute Sadness phase right now but I know that it will all be okay soon! It's all about pushing through and getting to the part where routine makes things easier. But it sucks. It always sucks.

E

Probably the worst thing ever (and some good ones, too)

So colt is not coming to Benin tonight. If he had made his flight with his visa and passport he'd be getting here in Cotonou in exactly 2 hours. But he didn't get his visa/passport back from the benin embassy in time and so he didn't get on a flight to Benin and so he won't be getting here in 2 hours...in fact he might not be coming here at all unless he gets his visa/passport before his next scheduled flight which he set for the 24th. Nothing is set in stone, I should have known better than to get so hopeful, but I can't help it. I always hope and I always put all my damn eggs in one basket and when they break I'm always surprised even though it was the hundredth time and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So, long story longer, I was angry, than sad, than angry, than numb, and now I'm just tentatively optimistic. I'd...um...sort of like to see him, you know? But I'm done ranting and crying and complaining to everyone around me. I think everyone here is sick of me...especially since I spent the last like five days complaining at least four times a day about how much the the humidity in the south sucks!

Good things: I bought a hookah for not too expensive and smoked some delicious apple/vanilla tobacco at Kara's amazing second story apartment in Cotonou. It was wonderful and relaxing and really helped take my mind off of...that really really unpleasant stuff in the paragraph preceding this one...ha. We went up on the roof and watched stars and airplanes coming into the airport...although it was really depressing thinking about how colt wasn't...er...on one of those planes approaching West Africa right now. Ok, fine, let me say one more thing about the suckiness of this whole thing. Like ten people have friends, family, and lovers coming to visit this week and I'm just like in this unpleasant limbo listening to people talking about it and ugh. it sucks. I mean, the other guy's fiance's flight got in tonight at like 11:30pm and I was totally on the roof when her plane touched down and i was totally bummed. But than someone made a joke about sheep and boredom and well, all was good for a while.

Other good things: this extra time means i can actually clean my house, buy some food, and get clothes from the tailor before colt (maybe) arrives.

Bad things: We can't go on safari anymore and I had to cancel our reservation for that. I don't think we can afford to go now, either in time or money since he had to pay like the majority of the ticket price in order to just switch the dates of his departure. He would still have to go back to the US the same original day, the 5th. So that sucks.

Other bad things: I find it unlikely that there will be enough money for me to get a refridgerator. And i'm not gonna lie, at this point I was almost more excited for that than colt. Almost.

Good things: I bought three cans of diet coke to take back to Djougou. I was going to wait and put them in the fridge, but I don't think I'll be able to wait just to be disappointed, you know. I think I'll be drinking them during this next few days of really intense waiting.

Other good things: I purchased some champagne at Erevan for colt's (hopefully) visit/christmas. I was really proud because I talked to the guy for a while about what was the best brand for my money...i really wasn't prepared to spend the 30 mille for real champage, so i convinced him that good sparkling wine would work and got a good bottle for 4 mille. GO ME!

More happiness thoughts to keep my sanity: the Cotonou workstation is almost completely decked out in Twilight posters which makes my heart sing whenever I see taylor lautner smiling out at me.

Also: I am going to try to get Anthony Bordain from NO RESERVATIONS to come to Benin. We've all decided that I am the one in charge of creating the suggestion letter and sending it to him. We think a Peace Corps themed show in 2011 is perfect because it's the 50th year anniversary for the Peace Corps and it's like the premier volunteering organisation in the world and well, you know, television shows like that stuff. Doug and Kim are applying for the Amazing Race, so it only makes sense to jump in on this. He can stay at my house and I'll take him to this awesome yam pilee place...yes, I'm seriously stoked about it. Actually, if someone wants to download NO RESERVATIONS episodes and send them to me, I'd be really really happy and love you forever.

Also: Just read NEW MOAN, a Twilight parody that Dana sent me and it was probably the best thing ever (in contrast to the title of this blog post haha). Thank you DANA and FAMILY!

AND: SWIMMING!! The American ambassdor opens up his swimming pool to Peace Corps volunteers each Saturday afternoon and this was the first time I happened to be in Cotonou on a Saturday so I went swimming with Eric and Heather and Kara and a bunch of other volunteers. It was glorious and even though I only had a bra and panty combo, I felt like I was in America for a few hours...somewhere in America with palm trees and poorly constructed french...but still. I definitely got a bit sunburned.

I've decided that I am going to start going to mosque more frequently like probably once a week. I like my headscarf, I like the rituals, it's relaxing and really helps me integrate into the community, which is really difficult to do in a larger city like mine. And I can learn local language that way and even work on my casual Arabic which is really kick ass.

OH! Another good thing: I got a Dendi practice book to study! I'm going to learn so much I cannot wait. All the mamans qui vendent les choses will sit through my practicing and love it so much I've never had anyone so excited by my education except for maybe my dad when I was like 8. Ah, it's so exciting!

Hmmm, quelle autre? I love air conditioning and there's a lot of it this week....er....hmmm. I'm taking a FREE shuttle up to Djougou on Monday instead of the bus, so I'm saving some money, right on with your right on. Keep on with your keepin' on. Yeah, i should probably go shower and go to bed now...colt's nonflight would be getting here in one hour and 20 minutes and I'd be getting picked up from the workstation to head over to the airport in like 15 minutes.

Wow, these next few days are going to be awful. But (hopefully, the eggs! the eggs! one basket! faire doucement!) when he gets here, all will be remedied. At least after I give him the silent treatment for a whole five minutes or something.

IST

Interservice Training has been super boring and also awesome. We've been able to all see each other and hang out with dance parties on the roof of Songhai and Israelis, moto crashes, project designing tools, local language practice, practice sensibilizations, and very couth evenings of johnny walker red and coke. I must say it's been practical and interesting and amusing. Imorou is definitely the homologue who walks the walk and talks the talk which is not always as awesome as it sounds.

I had forgotten how muggy and humid it is in the south. it sucks. i had also forgotten how to discuter zem prices and deal with the super aggressiveness of the fon people. i miss djougou and my bed and shower although we are sleeping in air conditioning now.

i saw the host family and had more conversation with them than i did in like the 9 weeks i actually lived with them. i think my french has definitely improved ou bien i am just less terrified of speaking now and making crazy mistakes.

So I'd like to type more about this bountiful week but all i can think about is the fact that colt is on a plane right now getting ready to land in new york...and then he'll be IN BENIN with MEEEEE in like a day and a half (ok, it's precisely 31 and a half hours not like I'm counting down or anything).

We are going on safari, and rocking it in djougou and having soooo much...FUN!

So, yeah, I probably won't update or be on facebook or talk to another human being until 2011. So, sorry in advance and HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

love and miss you all, please send letters and chocolate,
xoxo
e

Facilitating Behavior Changes (Post Visit Part Deux)

Sunday, September 12th, 2010.

Ok, well it turns out that there’s not really going to be a part deux to my Djougou post visit adventure. Pretty much everyone who needs to know has already heard the details, but I guess I’ll recount them anyway…but it’s not going to be some stylistic masterpiece or anything.

The night after I had my suspiciously delicious dinner with Doug, I woke up with stomach pain and all the associated fixings. The nausea and vomiting, however, were a bit out of the ordinary. The main discomfort came from the fact that after I puked, the nausea would still be very much present, which is usually not the case. You know what I mean; after throwing up, a sense of calm and health returns at least temporarily, even when really sick, until the next bought of nausea and subsequent vomiting occurs. This was just different; I’d puke and instantly feel nauseous again. This lasted until about 7 in the morning when I called the Peace Corps doctor and we chatted for a bit about getting me re-hydrated with ORS (Oral Re-hydrations Solution). Doug brought some over, but the taste was so gross that I just puked it up. So, it was determined after I started feeling dizzy from dehydration that I should probably get some IV fluids in me and stop the nausea. So I rode a zem to the hospital and talked to the doctor there. Doug translated and the doctor spoke a little English, so it really was no big deal. As usual, I was an awful patient, asking way too many questions and being demanding about who performed what procedures on me, etc. It was fine and the doctor stayed with me until all the saline, anti-nausea medication, and the antibiotics and anti-parasite meds had all gone into my veins. The hospital drove me back to where I was staying and I felt a lot better. The next day I just hung out in Djougou, reading and writing and the day after that I took the bus back to Cotonou. I stayed at the Bureau for a day and got checked out by the doctor; they took stool and blood samples and I’ve just been taking it easy since then. All they found was a high white blood cell count because all the killin’ meds got all the bugs by the time they checked. Right now, I feel back to normal. Taking all those meds actually probably killed off whatever I already had that had been making me generally ill for the last few weeks. I don’t think I’ve been this healthy the entire time I’ve been in this country. Honestly, we should all just do a round of ciprofloxin every 2 months or so to clean us out (ok, probably not…we wouldn’t want those fuckers to get resistant now would we?). But yeah, it was pretty trippy and I was definitely damn sick, but all is well that ends well, someone wiser than me once said.

I just spent the last hour with my host bro, Rico, writing and translating a letter for my vrai little brother, Zach. Maman wants them to be like best friends so when Rico comes to the US they can be buddies. Rico is pretty ambitious for his age; he wants to be an architect in the USA. I guess he has a better shot than a girl would, but I’m not exactly seeing it. It is possible, though, but he would really have to study hard and do everything right, which only like 10% of the people in this country actually do. Seriously, for example, like 20 out of 200 high school students in Lalo actually passed the baccelaureate to graduate high school and go to college. But it might be nice to do the penpal thing…except Zach will totally not understand anything Rico writes without translation…so it might just be a one time thing…although Rico can understand a little English probably, I don’t really see it evolving too far unless Zach wants to learn French haha.

On Wednesday I am cooking an American meal for the family. I’m going to do pancakes, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. There isn’t syrup, so I’m doing peanut butter and honey instead for on top. There will be tomatoes, onions, pimante, and wagasi in the scrambled eggs and the hash browns will be epic as well. I hope they like it, but they probably won’t. But I think pate is pretty nasty, so I guess we can debate our national dishes anytime. I’m pretty sure pancakes will win every time. Probably because America is the greatest country in the world. Just sayin’.

Tomorrow we find out the results of our last French interview. I did absolutely horribly in my interview, absolutely worse than the second interview, so I don’t really foresee any great results tomorrow. In fact, I’m a little concerned that I epically failed. Like, not even joking, I might not get to swear in. If that becomes the case, and I suppose I’ll reach that bridge when I come to it, I’m going to fight to be allowed to swear in anyway. I know I can survive with my level of French and I’ll get a tutor and test again in a few weeks. But maybe I did okay. But…I really bombed it. So. Yeah.

Well, swear in may or may not be on Friday. We are partying it up afterward at a hotel in Porto Novo and the next day purchasing a lot of stuff and packing up to move to our permanent posts. I’ll probably be leaving on Sunday, the 19th, taking a taxi with my bike, mattress, water filter, lockbox, and all my books and luggage and other random crap I’ve accumulated here with me. The next day is my birthday and I will be cleaning my house and settling in. I will also be cooking a Mexican fiesta and hopefully my buddy Josh from Boukoumbe will be coming down to have a few beers and help me celebrate a bit.

I’m actually not sure when the next time I’ll be online will be. I’m pretty sure there is internet at my office and I can bring my laptop and plug in…but I really really do not want to start working until I’ve at least gotten my big bed. The idea of having to go into work at like 8am immediately after getting to post sort of freaks me out; I need a few days to just unwind and get my bearings. I need to make sure the house is clean and devoid of rodent sized spiders and I’d like to make it feel a bit like a home if I can. It IS pink, which helps tremendously, so there’s that. But I will bring my laptop to work sometime next week and give a quick update. If I’m freakishly lucky, the wifi from the office will seep into my house, but I rather doubt it. But I am like practically connected to the office. My house is literally in the backyard of PSI. If I could get internet in my house I would be ecstatic.

Speaking of mild altering states, I just read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and my mind was totally blown. I never got through it as a kid and whoa, I had no idea what the book was about. Totally wild and got me thinking about the duality of nature and what the real differences are between science and art. It definitely made me appreciate my dad a lot more. And speaking of my dad…

HE BOUGHT THE TICKETS!!! Colt’s ticket to come and visit me has been officially purchased! He is leaving the US of A on the 17th of December and after a long layover in Casablanca, he’ll be arriving in Cotonou early in the morning of the 19th. I’ll pick him up via taxi and we’ll go back to my hotel room until 8am when we’ll take the bus to Djougou. We’ll stay at my place through Christmas and then go up to Pendjari, the national park, to have us an African safari. I think we’ll probably stay one or two nights there and then come back to my house for the New Year. On the 4th we’ll head back to Cotonou and he leaves the next day. He’ll be here for 17 days and I am SO HAPPY! We have 97 days until then, but I’m just glad it’s double and not triple digits. The longest we’ve had a countdown for was like 120 days, so we’re golden. Although if you add the 61 days that I’ve already been here…that’s like 158 days or something, but whatever. December 18th I’ll leave Djougou and come down to Cotonou for the night. Ahhhh, I’m so happy!

I’ve watched like a million episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and now I’m just like yelling at everyone…which is awkward because my French is so completely awful. I’ve also watched Law Abiding Citizen (great premise, lame ending), Blood Diamond, the Constant Gardener, and my personal absolutely favorite, Avatar. I love that movie, I wish I could live on Pandora and/or be an awesome, in-tune-with-nature huntress. I would totally eat meat if I had stalked and captured my prey. I think if you are willing to eat meat, you should be willing to take the animal’s life. If you can’t do it, don’t eat it. I’m like this weird vegetarian who totally wants to be badass and hunt and be one with nature in this spiritual symbiosis, but the idea of eating meat sort of squicks me out, unlike the meat eaters for whom the killing is distasteful. You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? Anyway, I like movies and I wish I had a whole lot more of them. Mostly, I want Twilight and Eclipse and New Moon if it’s out. Because just the other day I was thinking about how much I loved watching Bella and Edward’s crazy crazy love tension on screen and realized that I had gotten all my movies from a dude. So I have a lot of Die Hard and not a lot of Twilight. Which is fine most of the time, but I can only watch something like the Hangover so many times.

But I guess I can continue reading the super true tale of the Grateful Dead, a book I found in the workstation library. I almost started reading this theo apologist book that uses physics to prove the Judeo-Christian God, and then realized that if he had in fact done so I probably already would have heard of it and I wouldn’t need to learn it from a paperback book published in the 80s. The workstation libraries definitely have a strange assortment of stuff, including stories of Peace Corps service, which is like the last thing I want to read right now. It’s weird that I was so obsessed with reading about the Peace Corps for so long and now that I’m living it I have no desire to even think about someone else’s experience. I can barely process my own. I definitely have no desire to read another Peace Corps blog for as long as I’m here. I can barely keep up the enthusiasm for my own! Once things settle down for me in my new house, I don’t think there will be a lot going on to report about and I doubt I’ll be updating more than a few times a month. I don’t want to bore anyone, geez.

And on that note, I just want to add that dad totally sent me the biochemistry/pathology text book that KU med uses in it’s beginning seminars and I am totally going to learn the shit out of it. I am a little concerned that my anticipation for this book is exponentially higher than my excitement about my birthday, swear in, moving to my new house, and even cooking for myself, but I’m going to have science! Yay!

XOXO,

Elaina


Monday, September 13th

Yay, my birthday is in a week, woot woot! I think I actually might have a few packages in the mail, too…so even if I don’t get anything for my birthday I should still get something SOON.

I passed my language interview! Intermediate high is what I will swear-in as, which is completely fine with me. I think sometimes I can perform at an Advanced low level, but not consistently enough and it was definitely not showcased in my last interview. I’m just glad I get to go to the big ceremony. All the different sectors have matching tissue and I am picking up my traditional African style dress (called a modele) on Wednesday from the tailor. I asked for some embroidery that was sparkly and very pretty, so hopefully it’s awesome looking. I’m not too picky, though.

So swear-in is on Friday and we only have tomorrow and a half day on Wednesday left of classes. Tomorrow we’re at Songhai for the last time and I’ll post my last blog from training! After that these blog entries will be from an officially sworn-in Peace Corps volunteer, jigga-what?! Haha

I have started writing the tale of my love story with Colt. It’s pretty ridiculously sappy, actually. We’re incredibly cute with some pretty interesting stories in the history of our relationship so I think it’ll make decent writing. We’ll see; at the very least it’s cathartic for me to write it. I spent like two hours the other day re-reading all the old notes that Colt had given me from high school and than dreamed that we were still in the very beginning of our relationship with all those first concerns and dramas. We were both really different back then and we’ve changed a lot, but somehow we’re still compatible after all those changes.

I did the calculations and right now, he and I have physically been together for more time than we have physically been apart, even considering four years of long distance in college. With his visits and my semester at KSU, we’ve been together for just over a week longer than we’ve been apart. The bad news is that in about three days that balance will even up and then switch over to the majority of our relationship being spent physically apart from each other. The even worse news is that we won’t get back to half way and then surpass it until like September of 2014. So, that sucks. Especially when I think about how probably in the course of the next two years I’m going to actually get to spend a whole four or five weeks with him in total, and that’s it. Uuuughhhhh, depressing.

Happier things now.

Velveeta shells macaroni and cheese. This can be sent to me. And should be in high numbers.

Wow, it is astonishing how quickly that thought made me feel better. I really do love cheese and I have not had any real stuff since July 15th when I had my last meal of a subway sandwich with extra provolone, toasted just so the cheese begins to melt. Aaaahhhhhhh.

I miss cooking with Colt, making really random meals and trying to pair it with a wine or beer. Colt made a Mexican casserole (aka ‘mexicas’) a few days ago and I was more homesick and missing him than I had been in weeks. It’s like for some reason the thought of good, spicy Mexican food and Colt just go hand in hand with me missing America. That and the other homesick-inducing combo of pizza, Colt, and an action movie. That’s always a nice one, especially with a good beer (ou bien, a diet coke) thrown in the mix. Ok, screw Benin; I’m coming back!

Nooooot really. But damn I am sick of couscous which is sort of crazy because it’s the dish that is so good they named it twice.

Ok, enough of this nonsense, I’m going to go read about Jerry Garcia and the Dead.

With love from the dark continent of your imagination,

E


Tuesday, September 14th

Well, clearly I did not post my blog from yesterday. That is because the internet at Songhai was not working at all. The ladies behind the counter wouldn’t even let me buy any time because it was not going to be working any time in the foreseeable future. Today we signed a bunch of forms and finalized a lot of the plans for swear-in and the party afterward as well as when our taxis are leaving to go to our posts. It was super fun. Relatedly, we get our money for move in pretty soon so we’ll be able to buy a bunch of stuff before we leave…which is awesome. Also awesome: we have only one day of classes left!! Ahhhhhhh

Not so awesome: there are a couple people who did not pass their language requirement. They do not get to officially swear in and must take extra language classes and then re-test in a month. At that point they will be allowed to officially swear-in and their service of two years begins then. So basically, they have to spend an extra month in the Peace Corps because of it. That totally sucks and I think we can all see ourselves in that position. I mean, I was really not feeling good about my interview and feel like I could have easily been placed in that position. So they have definitely got my sympathy.

I talked to some ecotourism people today and decided that colt and I should hit up the safari thing pretty much right when he gets here, like spend a night in Djougou and then spend the next two nights on safari, that way we will have plenty of time afterward to really get to hang out and be comfortable. Apparently right before Christmas is a pretty good time to go, too, because it’s the dry season and that means that all the watering holes available to the animals are known to the guides and it is easier to spot them. I’m pretty stoked!

I learned that flossing your teeth once a day can help prevent heart disease. So I’m totally doing that now; go me.

Ok, I cannot believe how boring this has become. Next time I get online I’m going to have something interesting to talk about, I promise.

E

Spiders, zemis, and yovos galore!

July 23rd, 3:50pm CST, 9:50pm Beninese temps, Porto Novo

Today was an interesting day. My host sister, Amelie, helped me call over a zemidjian, but it was not an 'official' one. The ones who are registered and have training wear blue shirts with identifying numbers on them and baseball caps. This guy had the cap but not the blue shirt, but Amelie flagged him down and negotiated a price before I could say anything...and I wasn't even sure at the time how to say that i needed the official ones. So I said, hey, whatevs, and je prends cette zemi comme personne avant moi. And of course everything was tres bien.

Apres l'ecole, I had to get a zemi back to the house, which was an interesting problem since I had really had no idea where to go. One of my (apparently two) host mamans explained where the maison was, but hell, I couldnt' explain it to a zemi. So luckily there was a current PCV hanging out a Songhai and she helped explain that my house was proche l'ecole Davie at the end of the road. The zemi said okay and I hopped on with my sweet ass helmet (ma cas). It was pretty embarrassing, though, because he kept asking me, "vous connaissez?" ("you recognize anything?") and I kept saying "non" (nope!). Finally he rounded a corner and I saw the gigantic pink mosque that is a block from the house (and the muezzin call goes every few hours...I haven't figured out the schedule, but I will not soon forget the dulcet sounds in the wee hours of the morning!). I told him to stop and then thanked him profusely while he laughed and I paid him the deux cent francs.

That whole laughing at me thing seems to happen a lot here and I'm sort of enjoying it in a strange way. I mean, some of this shit is pretty damn funny. For example, this evening there was a fucking huge spider in my room. And naturally, I have this aversion for killing spiders. It's not a "I love nature and don't want to harm God's creatures" aversion, but more of a "I don't want it to scurry away and hide or jump on me or touch me with it's freaky legs" aversion. So I contemplated this spider as he chillaxed on my hundred dollar Chacos. We were at an impasse for probably a good fifteen minutes. I considered going to find Amelie...then decided I needed to man up because there wasn't always going to be a nice African waiting for me to utilize her spider killing services. I prepared myself to kill it and then realized that it was sitting on my shoes that I would have otherwise used to smush it. I decided then that perhaps my petite problem might be funny and I could use it as a bonding experience since I have yet to bond over my impeccable francais. I grabbed my handy dandy french dictionary while keeping that deceptively still spider in my sights and then made my way through the giant maison to trouve Amelie. Well, Amelie just happened to be on her way out and I told her there was a huge araignee dans ma chambre and that I had fear of it. She seriously started cracking up when she saw it. Her laughter brought Ricardo running and that attracted the attention of Estelle and Genevieve and at least two or three other neighborhood kids who were all in the livingroom watching the french dubbed version of an Argentinian Days of our Lives...and they all laughed and jumped up and down and teased me mercilessly saying it was "tres petite" and Amelie smushed it with her hand and brandished it in front of me just as Maman entered my little room with a low chuckle...and what the hell else was i supposed to do but just laugh with them? I am still grinning like a dork now that they are all gone. But, shit, it was pretty big.

I'm telling you, life is pretty freaking hilarious.
E

Sunday, July 25, 9:02am Beninese time/3:02am CST, Porto Novo

I am officially ill for the first time in Africa. Yay! I think it is less an actual infection and more just getting used to the food, but I stayed home today while the fam went to church because something I ate yesterday did not agree with me and I feel pretty crappy.

I filtered and boiled my first batch of water on my own; I definitely had to pick out a floating ant this morning when I poured it into my water bottle...so...yum! I have 5 liters stored now which should last me a few days and I’ve filtered like 6 more liters that can be boiled and stored in a couple other water bottles. I wasn’t brave enough to drink it plain, so I added a pomegranite lemonade packet to it and it is bon!

In the spirit of doing new things, I fait les lessives hier...(did the laundry yesterday) which was pretty ridiculous. I asked Maman Ramone (the younger, 2nd wife who usually cooks and does most of the work from what I can tell) if she could show me how to do it and she said something really fast and gestured to the patio and after about 5 minutes of me trying to repeat back her words and her getting frustrated that I did not comprends, I finally burst out in English, “I’ll bring out my clothes and you’ll show me how?!” And she smiled and said “yes.” AHHHHHHHHhh, so annoying! So I brought out my laundry and she told Amelie to take me to buy a bar of laundry soap and then we spent like an hour doing half of my laundry. I soaped up a shirt and then scrubbed it hard and then she’d take it and do it, too and then rinse it and go hang it. She had this very interesting complex system, too, of buckets and water and savon (soap). I realized that as the rinse bucket would get more sudsy and the first couple wash buckets got more dirty, the rinse bucket would become an additional wash bucket and another bucket with fresh water would be added on to become the rinse bucket. After doing like 10 items, we had basically used 5 buckets. It was pretty cool actually and much more efficient than I would have been able to figure out on my own. But dang, my arms got tired! I told Maman that and she and Amelie cracked up. They let me do it by myself for a bit (because Maman said I had to learn because I’d be alone at post), but I don’t think neither she nor Amelie could handle how slow I was, haha. So Amelie helped me finish while Maman went to preparer mon diner. I think she said something about how I was going to help her do it next Sunday (but not today because she was going to Cotonou).

I visited Craig and Heather yesterday at their sweet digs. They are staying with an older couple with an adult son who lives there, but their other kids live in Paris. They are very successful and have a lot of money and servants (called domestiques) to cook and clean. It’s very different then my experience; they have the entire downstairs to themselves! I hung out there for a while and chatted about wedding planning and stage and found out from Heather that instead of the $200 per month that goes toward our readjustment allowance, we actually get $275 because Obama increased our budget. So instead of $6000 at the end of service, volunteers get closer to $7400! Sweetness. Craig and Heather are considering perhaps doing a third year, too, which pays a bit more...so when they COSd (Close of Service), they’d have total upwards of like 20 grand. WHOA, haha. See, Colt totally should have come!

So far, the bug situation is thus: GIANT spider, freaky huge moth thing on my door last night, cockroaches in the bathroom at night and one died there and I don’t want to touch it, millions of ants that I sprayed with bug spray and they freaked out...and I don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but THERE WAS A SCORPION! In the livingroom a couple days ago, I saw it and knew immediately what it was, but asked Amelie, pointing, “qu’est-ce que c’est?” and she saw it and jumped up and stomped on it with HER BARE FOOT! It was like a clearish, light brown color and about two inches long and they move soooo weirdly, like their whole body turns in a perfect circle. I asked Amelie afterward if there were a lot of scorpions here and she said, “NON. C’etait une seul” (“that was the ONLY one”). So apparently that was the only scorpion in Benin, so I should be good. Ha ha. But damn, she’s such a bad ass, n’est pas?

I talked to mom, zach, and lucas last night! Yay! The boys didn’t have much to say, but I told them a bit about where I’m living. Mom says they need more perspective to really get it, so she ordered Blood Diamond from Blockbuster. It’s not that VIOLENT here, so dont’ get the wrong idea! Everyone is super nice and in general, Beninese culture is very welcoming and open to yovos. That said, I did get a sexual invitation from a stranger the other day, haha. There’s a gesture that rude Beninese men will do to women when they’re shaking hands if they are beeing skeezy creepers; it’s like rubbing one finger against the woman’s palm during the hand shake. Anyway, there was some teenage boy outside the school who smiled and said good morning and offered his palm and I was with a bunch of other yovos and Peace Corps people, so there was nothing sketch about it, so I took it and he totes whipped out the dirty finger move. It’s really impolite and they know it is, so I just exclaimed “non!” and yanked my hand away before continuing on my way, which is what we’re supposed to do. So, yay! I get to check that one off the list. Another volunteer said it took her a year to get it, so I must just be very advanced haha.

I suppose there is some bad news to report. One of the trainees in the health sector has decided to early terminate (ET). Word on the street is that he really missed his boyfriend and being away from him made him realize how much he needed to be with him and that the work he would be doing here was not important enough to him to stay. So, that kind of shakes the resolve, you know? I heard that someone has a bingo card of all the trainees who are expected to ET and that I’m on the list...but I am pretty sure that all the people with serious relationships are on it. I mean, look. I know I can make it through swear-in in September and for a while at post for sure. But honestly, once I’m in my village and I see what I’ll be doing for the next two years, I will have to re-evaluate. Not just because of my relationship, but because I want to make sure that the work I’ll be doing is significant and helpful and that I can be accepted into the community. They actually recommend that you take time at the one year mark to make sure that you can be successful where you are for another year. So in March I’ll decide if I’ll stay the entire time or if I’ll come back in the summer. There’s really no way to know for sure until I’ve been at post for several months.

On a happier note, it’s really freaky and cool to meet the people whose blogs I’ve been reading for a year. I sort of feel like they are celebrities or something. I wonder if anyone will feel that way about my little old blog someday?

I’ve been reading “Where there is no Doctor” and it’s pretty interesting. My goal is still to assist with a birth and actually catch a baby being born. We’ll see, I have a long time to go before I’m at that point. I’m just making it day to day...and I am so happy that I can just relax today and not worry about getting to school on time. I think it’s worth it even if I have to run to the bathroom every hour.

Well, i think I’ll be able to post this on Tuesday at Songhai. A bientot,
Elaina

July 26th, 1:32pm CST/19:32 temps de Beninois, Porto Novo

Well. The stomach problems persisted until today. I almost wasn’t sure I could make it to school...but fortunately I’ve had no issues since this morning. That’s one thing about Peace Corps Benin I’ve noticed—everyone pretty casually discusses their poop situation. It’s pretty hilarious now that I think about it. I’ve tried to be relatively vague on here, but digestion is definitely a hot topic of discussion among the volunteers and trainees!

Today for lunch I mange’d an avocado sandwich (ok, so I’m leaving the word “mange’d” just to indicate the weird level of ‘franglais’ that I’ve been thinking in. Manger is the word “to eat” and I actually forgot the word ‘avocado’ just now and could only remember the french word ‘avocat’. It’s a weird state of being, actually. Hmm.) Anyway, it was tres bien with lettuce and onions and vinaigrette on a demi-pain (half of a huge baguette). It sat ok in my stomach and then I pris (see I did it again! Pris is the past participle of prendre. Prendre means “to take” or “to get”), I got some “fanmilk” which is the closest thing to ice-cream here. I got the yogurt version because with my tummy trouble I thought adding a bunch of lactose would be a bad idea (and yogurt has the enzymes to break down lactose and has not ever been a problem for me). It was soooo good, but definitely tasted very yogurty. But it’s better for my stomach than the regular one. But anyway, these fanmilk guys go around with their super cold trunk on a bike and honk this very distinctive horn. It’s a lot like the ice cream truck guy in the US. It’s super cheap and they always have petite monnaie (change for big bills, which is a bitch to find here).

Today we were at Songhai and for the first time I chose to hang out with some other stagaiers instead of stay there and get on the internet. I know I am going tomorrow, so it’s okay, but I feel a little bad because I told Colt I’d be on so we could skype chat or something and save him some money since it’s so expensive to call. But I gave him a ring and told him I wasn’t going and he was totes still sleeping, so I don’t think he minded waiting until tomorrow. I went to the marche (“mar-SHAY”...I can’t figure out accents with this computer grrrr) with Heather and Craig (the Wiricks from now on when I’m talking about both of them haha). It was just a short walk from Songhai and it was a freaking crazy place! Many many people selling lots and lots of stuff! There is a lot of cheap plastic stuff in the stalls and they will try to overcharge the yovos like mad. Heather wanted a powercord, but we couldn’t find any which is a lot different than the marche in Cotonou where there seemed to be power cords in every stall! I am on the lookout for a nice coin purse to keep my money, but I haven’t found anything besides cheap plastic ones. I want something that will last...so I’d be willing to pay like a mille franc for one. Which..is like $2, but it feels more like $10 to me at this point! I’m doing really well with understanding the money, a lot better than some of the other volunteers it seems. It’s very intuitive for me and I don’t have to think of it in US dollars at all at this point. I know what a decent price for most stuff is, but I’m definitely still learning. Heather tried to haggle down the price of clothespins, but was unsuccessful and it’s hard for us to know if that’s because we’re yovos or because the seemingly high price is just actually a reasonable price.

Related to les prix, I had my first major transaction today. I called over and got my first zemi on my own! I asked how much it would be and that my maison was a cote d’ecole Davie (next to the school Davie—“Dah-vee-ay”) and he said yes and that it would be 2 hundred franc. So, me, surprised that he gave the legitimate price right off the bat, said “ok” and hopped on. Well....we drove about 5 minutes and he stops and says “voila...xavier.” And I’m like “Non non non, DAVIE, pas XAVIER” and he’s like “OOOOHHH, DAAAVIE, ok” and we keep going, but I’m thinking “he’s going to charge me a lot more, but deux cents francs is the correct price”. I know what I’ve been taught, too, so when we finally stop and he asks for 500F I know he is trying to swindle me. So I said “You said ‘2 hundred’ so I am going to give you 2 hundred.” And he’s all pissed and tries to get more out of me and I say, “I KNOW the price, I live in Porto Novo. I will give you 2 hundred.” And he acts all grumpy while I get my money out and I throw in a 50F piece with it and he smiles and thanks me and I thank him back. So I paid a little bit more, but to be fair, he WAS confused about what I had said...but that generosity was definitely not going to get me to pay over twice as much as I KNOW the route really is. But yeah, that whole thing made me feel super bad ass. I totes did it all by myself. Woo hoo!

I recounted the story to my host family when I came inside, but before I could finish, the war hit! Ricardo, my host brother of 12 ans, and my host sis, Genevieve, 13 ans, totally started physically beating the shit out of each other in the other room. Another one of my host sisters, an older one who I don’t think always lives there, but sometimes does, jumped up to separate them and Amelie came over and chatted casually with me about the zemi thing! We left the room and I said I was going to take a shower, so I went outside to the well (la puis I think is the word) to get my water. While I was outside, Ricardo came out and said “bonsoir Elaina” all sweet, and walked by me to the back of the yard. I smiled and kept drawing out the water and when he came back by to go back inside he smiled back as he sauntered by, carrying this huge metal two by four. A minute or so later I finished up and followed, and came in to find the older sister, Genevieve, and Rico all entangled up with the two by four and some wooden implement of Gene’s, the older sister’s pagne (wrap around skirt) was totally falling off of her as they battled down the hall. Amelie came up to me and was cracking up. She said “ils se battent!” which means, interestingly “they are battling!” and I just nodded. After a bit, they calmed down and separated and I asked her if it was normal and she sort of laughed and said “that’s Ricardo!” She also told me that he had disrespected his sister and she got mad...but I didn’t really understand exactly what had gone down. But it was pretty wild. I called Rico over and asked him if he was not happy. He said he was “fache” which means “angry” and I said that sisters can be difficult. He agreed and I told him I understood because I had 5 brothers back home. He just sighed and when I asked if he would be okay he just nodded and said “ouais” (like saying “yeah” instead of “yes”). It was pretty trippy. Hitting in this culture is pretty commonplace, especially in the home, but I’m glad the big sister tried to stop it at least. Even if it’s normal for parents to beat their kids (frappe les enfants), it’s not good for brother and sister to wail on each other. Anyway, it was pretty wild. I can hear them all talking very animatedly now and Papa is home and he does not sound too happy about it lol.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll definitely be online tomorrow evening when we finish up at Songhai. I think i’ll be on for probably an hour at least, so i can update the blog and do the facebook thing. Maybe I’ll even have time to check my email! It hasn’t been working lately because I need to change it to HTML or something...hopefully I’ll get that taken care of tomorrow, but if you’ve sent me emails and I haven’t responded, that’s why! Facebook message me for now and I’ll let you know when gmail is working for me!

Oh and I decorated ma cas (my moto helmet) and everyone thinks it looks banging. I will get a photo of it before it fades. My photo situation is pretty lame right now...I’ve taken...zero photos of Africa haha. I’m just so overwhelmed so much of the time and it’s impolite here to take photos without getting peoples permission first, so that’s kind of limiting...also it takes like an hour to upload 5 pictures, so I’m not sure it’s going to work anyway. I think I might ask people to send me memory cards and I’ll just take the pictures and then send the memory cards back and Colt can put them up for me or something. We’ll see what works best. Also, I can’t find the flash drive that I stole from my puppy...which really just seems like karma to me.

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL. CALL ME SOMETIME OR SEND ME A LETTER!

A tout a l’heure,
E

Staging Update!

'Allo tout de monde! I apologize in advance for the length of this one! It includes both Saturday and Sunday and a bit on Monday!

Saturday: July 17th
I am right now charging my netbook by using an African converter attached to my computer's adaptor in my tiny hotel room in Cotonou. By the way, my computer's name is Madnessinlove which makes me happy everytime I log on.

So I'd like to finish updating about my experiences so far since I was cut off at the bureau yesterday.

Cotonou is awesome. It honestly looks like every African city that I've ever seen on cinema. The roads are sandy and broken, the traffic is crazy, there are low brick buildings surrounded by all sorts of tropical looking plants and trees. There's an element of poverty, although I get the feeling that this city is one of the wealthier areas of the country. Apparently we're near a quasi-swanky locale where all the expats live in the nicest Beninois maisons around.

Before getting to use the internet at the Bureau and talking to Colt (hereby also referred to as either my babyluv, tiger, puppy, Coltibear, or Cranbull...don't ask), I had my FRENCH TEST. That sounds much more intense than it actually was. I went into a tiny little library and chatted with a guy named Habilub. He's one of the language coordinators and he asked me a bunch of questions that I stumbled around with my awful francais. Mostly we talked about my fiance (just because "fiance" is one of the few french words I can remember and I was super glad to be engaged in that moment because I definitely don't remember how to say "boyfriend") and he also asked about my future plans which was fun to talk about. Then I got to ask him about his family; he has two super young daughters that he just lit up about when he answered my question. It was sweet. I sort of wish I didn't do so well because it will be easier to move up a level if I'm placed a little lower than my actual ability than it will be if I am placed right at or slightly above my level. I am predicting either novice high or intermediate low as my initial placement. I will definitely have to reach intermediate high, though before swear in. If we originally place at or below novice mid than we would only have to get to intermediate mid to swear in. So, zut! We'll see.

On my way to purchase credits to use on a current volunteer's cell phone, we decided to stop by Western Union to exchange some dollars. We went with another volunteer who has been in country for a year and she helped us navigate the system. While I was getting the money exchanged, the woman doing the transaction asked (in French) for 50 cfa, which I didn't have and K, the PCV, told her we didn't have it. The woman grumbled about and I asked K what was up. K than explained in English that she probably wanted to keep the extra money for herself and that you have to be super aggressive and just play the game and eventually they'll get frustrated and just make the exchange. That seemed to be the truth because I got my $170 turned into 85,000 cfa a few minutes later ($1= 500cfa). I was totally shocked to hear K talking about this woman right next to her and I realized that she was assuming that the woman did not speak English. So I asked if anyone speaks English and K just laughed and said that sometimes men on the streets know enough to say "I love you, marry me, take me back to America!" It's interesting because I've never been in a situation where people around me don't understand what I am saying; it happens the other way around a lot, though! Especially lately, when so many people are practicing their French around me!

So I was officially called a "yovo," meaning "foreigner" or "white person". And I was called it by another yovo! On the way to Western Union, the few of us pased by a group of white, European tourists who pointed and said "yovo yovo" as we crossed paths. I am sort of excited to hear the song sang by the kids (and, apparently older men to taunt us young women). K sang it as we walked back to the Bureau and it's more of a taunt or chant than a song. I can't remember it very well, but it's something like "yovo yovo, ca va bien merci, donnez moi un cadeau."
In other news, I am soooo happy that I brought my own pillow. The one they gave us at the hotel is lumpy and hard. It seems like a small thing, but trust me. It is nice to be able to almost smell my bed with my babyluv and the fluffy. I'm also glad I brought my own sheets, but I probably won't use them until i get to my homestay family's house in a few days. The hotel ones suck, but i can handle it for a bit.

Our schedule is looking pretty booked solid all the way until...about September. Haha. Until Wednesday afternoon we're here in Cotonou (that's 3 more nights as today is Sunday) doing logistical stuff, learning about the zemijians (the motorbikes that we'll use basically as taxis when in the cities), taking malaria pills (we don't start the mefloquine stuff that gives crazy dreams until homestay), learning about girardhia (it is also sexually transmitted, who knew?), and getting a slow introduction to Beninois food and culture while getting to know each other better. Wenesday we head out to Porto Novo where we will meet our host families and spend the night with them.

I hadn't actually eaten any hardcore Benin food until dinner last night because the two previous meals they'd offered it I had either been asleep or locked in my room. Yeeah, I'll explain. Friday night I fell asleep after we arrived and I cried into my pillow for 20 minutes, breakfast is just tea and croissants (omigosh, though, they're the best croissants I've like EVER had, all soft and crumbly and buttery I've eaten like 7 of them haha), and then for lunch they had traditional food, but yesterday I managed to get locked in our room which locks the inside when you lock the outside and my roommate had left and taken the key and no one heard me call for her to come back haha. So I just wrote in my coltjournal (they're like journal entries, but addressed to colt as a letter and I'll give him the book as a gift when i get back) and hung out in the room until she came back after lunch to let me out. I also had a snack around tea time, but it was just like a buttery, cheesy croissant thing. I have not been very hungry, though. Traveling takes a lot out of me and I'm definitely jet lagged.

But I had lunch today! Yay! It was...interesting.Couscous with sauce and meat on the side with bread. I skipped the meat and had this interesting fried cheese stuff. It’s pretty gross, but I might be able to get used to it if I really need protein. The couscous was good. Dinner was macaroni and a tomato and onion sauce stuff with meat and you guessed it, bread. I think I'll need some getting used to it, but I can live with it. And when we filled out homestay forms, there was an option to check vegetarian, so I think I might get accomodated with my host family. I am super nervous to meet them. I hope they are a good blend of caring and independent. I definitely need my own space, but I want to be able to get support when I need it. I should be able to update soon after I find out about my host family on Wednesday, but I'm not totally sure about access in Porto Novo.

Cotonou, though, is bad ass. The Bureau is so cool. K, the PVC from yesterday, is currently in the process of moving to Cotonou to act as a PCVL (Peace Corps Volunteer Leader). PCVL's run the 4 PC workstations around the country and act as support for PVCs. It sounds pretty sweet, especially considering the regular internet access and cool administrative duties. It's a long way in the future for me at this point in my PC life, but that sounds wicked to me.

Another thing that seems awesome is serving as a married couple. There are two in country now and two more that just arrived in my stage. They are all so freaking adorable it makes me soooo angry and at the same time I am drawn to them for some reason. I made friends with a couple from Minnesota who actually sort of look like colt and me. It's a little weird actually. It's nice because you've got a built in buddy, a support system in place, someone to bunk with and share the experiences with. It really makes me jealous and I spent about an hour yesterday plotting a way to get Colt to come with me somehow. But alas, it isn't possible. The only way it would happen would be if we go later and I quit now. I'm not a big quitter and things have just started. If I'm miserable for 8 months straight, though...after training and after checking out post for 6 months...and I still am having a really hard time, well, then maybe I'd quit. I just wouldn't leave now unless I was sure I didn't want it, and there's no way to know that until i get to my post site.
So I am having fun now and just going with the flow, day to day. I'm worried the pace of life might be too slow for me. I don't like hanging around with nothing specific to do. i guess I could read or work on my novel. Hmmm, a nap sound pretty nice. Haha, maybe a slow pace will work afterall, lol.

Anyway, I suppose that's all for now. Not much different today than yesterday. Shots and talks! =D Oh, and i have yet to see a mosquito, although everyone is hyper aware of malaria and there is standing water all over the place. I'm sure I will soon enough, especially since one volunteer the first night whispered ominously, "you WILL get malaria." Greeaaat.

With love,
Elaina

Sunday: July 18th

Bonjour! We got our French assignments and I am in the intermediate group as expected. There are 6 groups in my sector (health), and I am in the third one. So I’m definitely not the worst, but I’m certainly not the best speaker. I need to improve a lot and I am not really looking forward to that. Ugh.

I am definitely making friends. I really like the married couple that looks like me and colt.
I was not as sad today as I have been; Africa is like mad cool and takes away some of the missing my family and babyluv feelings. I have been writing a lot in my coltjournal and sharing my feelings with other people to help get out the sad! Haha, it seems to work. We played frisbee a bit today.

Today we talked about Katie, the volunteer who was killed last year. The official people couldn’t really give us any information, but the current volunteers gave us the low down on the events around her death. Since I am responsible for what I put on this blog, I don’t want to talk about an ongoing investigation to the world, but feel free to ask me about it if we’re talking and I’ll relay the info. It was interesting to say the least and I am definitely safe here, so no worries! It was an isolated and very specific instance.

We went a walking today around Cotonou and saw some sights. Bought ice cream (who knew??) and talked a lot in French with the language instructors. I am really trying to not hate this language, but I really just wish I could speak it well enough to get by. Ahhhhh, I hate learning languages! But it’s definitely necessary. Gaahhh.

No cell phone yet, but I borrowed someone’s phone again to talk to Colt for like 8 minutes today. I want to call other people, but it’s so expensive that I really have to wait until I have my own phone and credit to use which HOPEFULLY will be tomorrow. There are a few sympathetic volunteers who said they would try to help us out. I’m seriously going crazy without access to regular conversation with him. Honestly, if they try to put me somewhere without phone service I will probably either refuse to accept that post or quit early once I try it out. I have got to be able to discuter avec mon fiance!

I decided not to drink here. Everyone kind of goes nuts with the alcohol and I am just not sure if I’m using it in the right ways...I don’t want to self medicate, you know? So, no alcohol until I feel secure and happy with everything. Maybe that won’t happen at all, so for now I remain a teetotaler.

Tomorrow should be fun. I hope. We have specific project discussions with the people in our sector (there’s SED/IT, RCH, EA, and TEFL) and that is all morning. After lunch we are heading to the Bureau for APCD interviews where we will give our preferences for posts (I WANT PHONE SERVICE AND ELECTRICITY! AND EASY ACCESS TO INTERNET!) and we will also learn about the zemis. I’ll get my helmets and get fitted for my bike, as well. When we aren’t doing those things, we’ll have a lot of down time, enough so that I can upload this blog entry and get on facebook and stuff. I really want to be able to facebook chat or skype chat with colt or even actually video skype with him, but I hear the connection doesn’t really work very well for that, so hopefully i will get some message to him and my fabulous family. I tried emailing mom and dad; haven’t had time to check for a response.

I guess I should sleep now. I am going for a run tomorrow morning with the married couple and another older volunteer. Whoo! Tomorrow when i put this online, I’ll try to give a quick update as well. I miss you all and hope you’re having fun! Please email me and tell me what you’re up to! elainahope@gmail.com!

I’M IN AFRICA HOLY COW,
Elaina

PS. MY IPOD IS FROZEN. How do I fix it???? It is so sad because I really really really want to listen to music that reminds me of KANSAS and LOVE. PLEASE HELP. FACEBOOK ME or SOMETHING.

Monday

Hey y'all! I'm in the PC Bureau right now updating. The internet makes me nervous so I want to post this huge entry before I update again. If I have time I will do another post, but we're doing trainings and interviews and stuff so I'm not sure. At any rate, I am thinking I won't get a phone today...maybe tomorrow, but my fit throwing isn't really working, so honestly it might not be until Porto Novo. Ugh.

If I don't get to get on here again, I meet my host family on Wednesday night, woo! I'm excited to meet them and hope they have cute kids.

Au revior,

E

Travels to....AFRICA

11:10pm EST, JFK airport, USA

I’m typing this in the JFK airport, but I don’t actually have internet access…this is my first attempt at a word document to flash drive transfer blog post! I hear a very nasty rumor that internet cards don’t work with Windows 7 starter…which, incidentally, is the operating system of my beautiful new netbook. Sooooo, I could end up with no computer access at post. BUT, I am pretty sure I’ll be able to get online relatively regularly while in the capital, during training until September. It’s after that that is unknown. And if I can’t do the online thang while at post, I’ll be typing on my netbook’s word processor and taking my flash drive with me to the headquarters once or twice a week if possible. If I’m close by. I reeeally hope I am c lose to the main cities.

We’ve just been hanging out here for the last like 6 hours and I am starting to get hungry again haha. That sub sandwhich was goooood. Me and a couple dudes from the group went out on a pretty suhweet Philly tour and saw the liberty bell, Independence Hall, and all sorts of crazy Philadelphian nonsense. In the process I procured a tasty sub and worked my way through it during the next several hours. It was awesome. But, I don’t think it will be my last meal, since we still have an hour before boarding and I am feasting my eyes on a delicieux croissant. MMMMMMM, oui oui! Au revior for now, mes chers!

2:00am EST, Somewhere over the Atlantic, Int’l waters

EXHAUSTED. I can’t sleep though…and I’m not actually sure what time it is.

7:00pm Cotonou, Benin

Ooook, so I sort of stopped chronicaling my travels, but I am now actually in AFRICA!

4:07pm Benin/10:07am CST, Peace Corps Headquarters, Cotonou, Benin

So here I am! Alive and well. I just updated facebook and sent emails to mom, dad, and colt...and the best thing ever: CALLED COLT! We talked for about 7 minutes after I woke him up and it was soooooooooo goooooooooooood. I bought credit for a different volunteer's phone and she let me use hers. I felt so happy to hear from him and he was so adorable. OH man, this long distance thing sucks!

But Africa is cool. Well, actually it's pretty hot outside right now, but not ridiculous. And there's been a nice breeze actually around the hotel we're staying at. I have a mosquito net, and a flushable toilet and shower head with cold water, but it's fine because it's better than hot.

But I think we're actually getting ready to leave now...and I need to let colt know my schedule on facebook...so I should get a moving!

I'll definitely have more later!

E

PS. We saw tiny frogs the size of like a big ant! It was freakish! And lizards are everywhere! And I have so much else to write about!

it's just a little vacation

We have about an hour until check out from the hotel and then there's a few hours of "free time" to explore Philadelphia/find a starbucks before we have to hop on a bus and drive the New York airport where we will hang out until 11:30pm tonight when we climb aboard the aeroplane that will deliver us to the mother land by way of Paris.

Until then, I am chillaxing for a bit. I need to send a couple things back home (birth certificate, etc) and find a Subway because I have decided my last meal is going to be a foot long veggie sub sandwich with provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumbers, banana peppers, green bell peppers, olives, mayonnaise, and mustard on wheat! Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I woke up early, called C, wished I could conjure coffee, showered, and repacked before heading off to the federal building down the street for shots, and not the fun ones. It actually wasn't bad; we went through security, saw some cool FBI dudes with guns, and got one yellow fever shot. It ain't no thang.

Missing you know who like mad, texted with brother Zach for a bit and realized he'll be a teenager the next time I see him, cried a bit in the shower, but all in all, I'm feeling better than yesterday. I was hungry and tired (well, i'm still hungry I guess) and for some reason the immensity of this whole thing seemed a bit more...well, immense than it really is. But in reality, it's not too bad and it's going to be a great adventure. Colt says to take it one day at a time and I think I just might be able to do that. Talking about him a bit has made me feel a lot better, too. I chatted with my roommate about being engaged and what he's doing for school and strangely enough, missing him doesn't feel so sad in this moment. So yay for that!

Ok, I think I'm off to discover a starbucks. Mmmmm, coffee. Gonna miss that almost as much as DIET COKE.

Elaina

crying in philly

Everyone is awesome; so much cooler and awesome than me!

I'm just the sad girl with the diamond ring.

But tomorrow will be better.

Elaina