Puzey trial on hold

I just received information that the Government of Benin has decided that there is not enough information and evidence to bring the Kate Puzey murder case to trial. The American ambassador and Director Williams are both "highly disappointed and concerned" and will continue to urge the government to reconsider. Apparently they are requesting the FBI and the government of Benin to work together to re-open the investigation. The Peace Corps told the Puzeys that they will continue to press for justice and that the suspects will remain incarcerated until the government of Benin decides what to do next.

I am extremely disappointed and frustrated by this determination. This is just another example of the cultural differences between the two justice systems in our countries. I am however, pleased at the relative transparency of this recent development on the part of the Benin administration , as this was shared with us via text message this afternoon.

I have no idea what the next steps are going to be and I am just constantly disappointed in the Peace Corps and Benin in the handling of this situation. I wish all the best to the Puzey family in coping with these issues as well. I know my family would never stop fighting either.

The Phases of the LDR

I. TOGETHER

(1) Honeymoon
     Intense happiness at the reuniting after time apart. Marked by a relatively unrealistic lifestyle: joined at the hip, all activities are performed together, inseparable. High intensity, almost giddiness pervades the time together. Duration is short, 10% of time together up to two weeks.

(2) Comfort
     Intensity has faded into a happy comfort. This phase most resembles the routine that occurs or would occur when not involved in the long distance relationship. Healthy arguments are resolved happily, and playfulness and flirting are commonplace. At times there is an almost disbelief that separation will occur. Duration is up to 90% of time together and can last indefinitely if the separation is withheld.

(3) Anticipation
     In the last few weeks or days together, a very brief phase of remorse occurs. It is a glimpse of the sadness that both know is to come. Duration is only a day or two and can sometimes be interpreted as outside stresses.

(4) Anger
     In the days preceding the separation, there is an increased amount of arguing and frustration. Fights occur more frequently and there could be entire days where one or both parties are argumentative or antagonistic for no apparent reason. Duration is only a day or two and can often be shortened if recognized.

(5) Separation
     The day of separation is marked by highs and lows, spontaneous tears or laughter. The intensity of sadness is proportional to the anticipated amount of time apart. The end of this phase marks the beginning of the APART section, and the commencing of the Acute Sadness phase.

II. APART

(1) Acute Sadness
      The most painful stage. Short, but almost unbearably intense. Can last up to a week and is characterized by regular bursts of tears, sleeplessness, and an aching feeling like one's heart has been punched out. High levels of communication are very important here and yet unproductive as most conversation is repetitive pleas and declarations of missing the other. Duration is thankfully only a few days, up to a week or so after the initial separation.

(2) Sadness
     The Acute phase transitions into the Sadness phase quite smoothly. Slowly the tears start to come less often and just a generalized depression overlays everything. Conversations with the parter are important during this time, as they are a light of happiness in the dark. Duration can be short or seemingly unending depending on how conscious the individual is of the situation.

(3) Apathy
     Sadness morphs into Apathy, one of the most dangerous phases. An offshoot of depression, the individual sleeps excessively, takes off from work, skips meals, and basically just zones out. Even conversations with the partner do not overly interest one in the apathetic phase. Duration can be up to 50% of time apart, but can be curtailed by engaging in activities that draw attention, a "fake it 'til you make it" perspective that gives a false, but comforting sense of acceptance.

(4) Fear
     This acute phase is a clear indicator of the end of the Apathy phase. It is marked by sudden anxiety about the security of the relationship or fears about the partner's health or safety. Dreams where a partner leaves or is injured are common. Decisions to prematurely end the separation most often occur here. This phase is most often alleviated by good communication with the other partner, alleviating the fears and encouraging the struggling partner to be strong. Duration is short if the separation is successfully maintained, up to a week or two.

(5) Acceptance
     When the fear fades, Acceptance occurs. If successfully managed, this can be the longest phase of the separation, up to 80%. This phase is marked by typical levels of happiness and sadness as found in the general population with the highest levels of relationship satisfaction occurring before and after conversations with the partner. When both partners are in this same phase, the separation is not unduly difficult and can be pleasantly managed with letters, gifts, texts, phone calls, and skype conversations. If the other phases are experienced quickly, getting to this phase is like a breath of fresh air, leading to a healthy relationship and planning for the next reunion. Duration can be the remainder of the separation with occasional relapses to the others if not cognizant. If mindful, the Acceptance phase can be just another variation of the Comfort phase.


I am in the Acute Sadness phase right now but I know that it will all be okay soon! It's all about pushing through and getting to the part where routine makes things easier. But it sucks. It always sucks.

E

Voodoo and Foodoo

Friday, August 20

It is officially less than a month until my birthday and I have started counting down the days. I’m not really sure what I’m so excited about, though. My birthday just so happens to coincide with the exact day that I’ll be traveling up to my post after swear-in. It’s possible that it could end up being my first day at post, but either way it’s not exactly going to be a party. It will be hot and I’ll be exhausted and dirty from travel and I’m sure I won’t have everything I need to feel at home…and I’ll be all alone in a brand new city where I’m probably one of like 0.2% of people who speak English. I guess birthdays aren’t so special as to require a huge group of people celebrating my life or anything, but being totally alone seems sort of a bummer, too. I hope people call me, hint hint.

The language interview went well for me I think. I won’t know for sure what my level is for a few more days, but I know it went up at least one level. I doubt I’ll make it to intermediate high, but on va voir. It’s nice to feel like I can take a mini break and not worry about French for a couple days.

This weekend we’re all getting together and cooking some good old fashioned American food. We’re having fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese with banana bread for dessert. We were promised pizza for a few hours and I was especially excited due to the ridiculous amount of pizza I usually consume in the states, but mac and cheese is still a pretty awesome idea.

I cadeaux’d my can opener to my family today when Rico was opening up my can of peas. He was using a knife and it looked super dangerous, so I just ran and grabbed it and he was super stoked about it. I told him it was a gift for the fam and he definitely was into how easy it was to open up the peas.

I’ve been in kind of a bad mood for the last couple days and I just feel grumpy. I don’t really know why exactly…there’s nothing specific…but just little things seem to annoy me more and my food has not been tasting as good as usual. I think I might be a little sick, but I’m sort of just easily irritated, physically and emotionally. Like one mosquito bite was frustrating me way more than normal and certain little things that other people have done have been more irritating than perhaps the action truly was. I don’t know; I’m ready for a change soon. I like my host family, but I really just need to get to my post so I can figure out my own routine with my own food. I am also really frustrated with the quality of training that we’re getting. I don’t feel like I’m learning anything from the administrative staff and rather all my knowledge is coming from the PCVs. There just seems to be a lot of mix ups and confusion about scheduling and we always seem to be changing things around at the last minute. There have even been a couple things related to health that we’ve been told of which I’m not sure about the validity. I don’t know, I’m just annoyed right now and am really looking forward to week 7 when we go on our post visit!

There was a mini hope for Akon earlier in the week when Papa said he’d think about letting one of the older sisters go with me and then after we could stay at Maman’s sister’s house in Cotonou…but he hasn’t gotten back to me and since the concert is in less than a week, I don’t really foresee it happening.

Ramadan has started and the amount of prayer calls has increased by a large factor. Instead of just a few times a day, I’m pretty sure the pink mosque down the street does the call like every two hours now. I am probably going to keep Ramadan next year when I’m living in a predominantly Muslim area, but in Porto Novo it’s pretty commonplace to see people eating and drinking during the day just because of the large Christian population and no one thinks twice about a yovo doing the same.

Speaking of yovo habits, my beauty routine has changed considerably. Instead of make-up, I basically apply like four different white creams to my body twice daily. One is sunscreen. Another is benzoyl peroxide. Another is this anti-mosquito cream and if that fails, the fourth is hydrocortisone cream. I have all the tubes lined up on my little white plastic desk by my water filter and stack of health related books. And on that note, I really want that “Where There Is No Midwife” book that Jeni bought, but I never actually received. Does anyone know anything about this? Jeni?

I thought I had something else to say, but I don’t remember. TIA

E

Sunday, August 22

I started thinking about writing a book about my Peace Corps service. Since the Peace Corps owns everything I write while I’m here, I won’t be putting any of it up here on the blog because I’m not officially writing it yet. I’m envisioning it as having two main sections for each year of service and having it follow, chronologically, my time here. I’m actually going to include the application process and all the thoughts and decisions about choosing to go. In a really sappy turn of events, I am pretty sure it’s going to be a chronicling of having a super long term long distance relationship in addition to what will hopefully be entertaining snippets of my service here. I know that when I was considering the Peace Corps I read almost everything written by RPCVs and really wanted information about successfully maintaining a serious relationship with someone in the states. So I envision this book as being both informative, reassuring, and an enjoyable read. It always feels very self-involved to be writing something vaguely memoir-esque, but I’d like to think that my experiences here are both enough outside the norm and potentially helpful to others as to negate a little bit of self-aggrandizement. In addition to that book, I’m writing a bunch of Africa related short stories to maybe collect in one book as fiction and publish someday. And in addition to those, I’m continuing on my latest young adult novel about a girl living in the US, but who is actually a fairy princess from another realm. Good stuff. Plenty of things to keep me occupied for after swear-in when I’ll just be sitting around meeting new people before I can actually work.

I met the girl who I am replacing in Djougou and she was super nice and helpful about the house. I haven’t asked her too much about working with PSI yet, but she’s here during this week for training so I’ll definitely have the opportunity. PSI definitely pays for my electricity…so I will be getting a fridge for sure. Immediately after finding that out, I heard that Erevan, the huge yovo store in Cotonou, just so happens to have diet coke…so I will be bringing diet coke to my house in Djougou to get cold in my fridge. I am thinking that during the Chaleur this will be the best idea ever. I also found out about furniture. I will need to get a double bed frame made and possibly some dining room chairs, but that the house is basically completely furnished. She said that I have: a dresser, bedside table, chair for the bedroom, extra bed in the guest room, a cot, a futon like sofa, a coffee table and a dining room table with three chairs, but places for 6 people. So depending on what it looks like on post visit, I might be getting another relaxing chair for the living room and additions to the dining set. I am super happy though! It was pretty funny because she said that everyone always says that she’s spoiled and doesn’t have the “real Peace Corps experience” because the house is so nice, but that she didn‘t really mind missing out. Well, that’s okay with me, too!

Right now I am super hungry for protein. I want a huge glob of peanut butter and I am really regretting not buying some from the peanut butter lady at school yesterday. She’s always there with her jars during all our breaks, but I just decided to wait until Monday for some dumb reason. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter.

So last night Auro came out. Auro is a vodun (voodoo) spirit that comes out in the south of the country during certain times of the year. It is forbidden for a woman to see him; if she does, she will die. Men are supposed to avoid Auro, but nothing will happen if they see him. What happens when “Auro is out” is everyone makes sure they are home before dark and that all the lights are out (because he doesn’t like the light). When he comes by the house, you will know because there is a loud, creepy sound that surrounds the house. There might also be banging on windows and doors. But whatever you do, do not look outside or open the door if you are a woman. It seems sort of silly to us…clearly, “Auro” is just some dude dressed up making a lot of noise to freak people out. But there are actually some pretty serious consequences for not taking Auro seriously. Essentially, because people believe so strongly in the vodun, if a woman is known to have seen Auro, she can be murdered and it will be blamed on Auro. It’s a very subtle difference, but most people don’t even risk looking because of the strong superstition. There are actually some parts of the country where volunteer women are allowed to leave during the time of the year Auro is out because it’s just not safe to risk it. The fear of the community’s reaction to you seeing Auro and the fear of Auro himself become interestingly intertwined in a lot of volunteer’s minds it seems. It almost becomes something you believe in. Last night, for example, I made sure I was home before it was too dark and I asked my host sister when Auro would be out. She said if he came it would be around ten or eleven and that we’d be safe in the house because he wouldn’t come inside the concession. All the windows were covered anyway, though, which seemed super spooky. The entire night I listened for Auro, not sure about what I’d hear. Then I heard it in the distance sometime before midnight. I was half asleep, but the eerie whooping whistle sound was not something I had ever heard before. It never got close enough for me to analyze and I was too tired to stay awake to wait, but the noise was definitely unmistakable for something natural. This morning I’m not even sure if it actually happened or if I was dreaming. The fear of Auro is very intriguing. He never forces you to see him. As long as you’re inside and don’t peek out your windows when you hear him outside, you are in absolutely no danger. And yet, the curiosity about what he looks like…about who he is and how he’s dressed up…about who is with him and what they’re doing to produce the eerie, loud sounds…that curiosity is almost strong enough to almost cause you to want to look, even though you know that looking is the one thing you are not supposed to do. So the fear is not really of Auro, or even of the community’s reaction to you seeing Auro, but of not trusting yourself to have self-control over your own actions. It’s very vertigo-esque. You don’t fear falling itself, but the desire to fall.

I have run out of all snacks and candy. It is really depressing. Someone please send me a package of something! Include stamps (preferably the ‘forever’ kind) and maybe some cheap, women’s cut, colored t-shirts. Handwashing is super rough on my tee-shirts, and whites have not remained white. I’m thinking simple reds and blues, browns, blacks, etc. No writing on them, just a simple scoop neck, size small. Please and thank you!

My birthday is in 28 days! WOO HOO!

E

PS. Apparently, all the money that was stolen from me has been returned! Miranna and Charlie are coming down to Porto Novo at the beginning of week 7 before post visits and will return it to me then. YIPPIE! They will recount the story and the perpetrators then, too…so get ready for that story!

Monday, August 23

Well, the levels are back and I’m intermediate-mid…as expected. I really wanted to get up to intermediate high so I could start learning local language, but apparently no one in our sector is starting local languages yet…so it doesn’t really matter for now. I just have to get one more level before swear in…which I think is possible if I just practice a little bit more at home. It just takes time and it’s hard for me because I am so not a patient person. But little by little I get better. One thing that is sort of frustrating, but nice at the same time is that I have the same instructor as I did before. It is sort of annoying because I wanted to work with someone new, but it’s good because I know her style already. I have two new classmates, though and I think they will make it fun. One guy, Matt, seems very good at just going off on tangents and having a conversation which is so much better than always just doing the lesson. We debated the merits of dutch ovens in french for like ten minutes…which was way better than recounting a boring story.

So I finally went to a tailor to get some stuff made…I haven’t gotten it back yet, but I’ll pick up a new skirt and a modele (the Beninese outfit of skirt and top) on Thursday and report back. Sometimes it’s necessary to get some alterations afterward, but the tailor took all my measurements and I should have some faith in his ability to do a good job. Innocent until proven guilty haha.

After going to the tailor, I bought a coconut on the side of the road off of some little girl’s head. I paid 100 F for it and had a hell of a time cracking it open on the ground. Rico and Fifa helped me and we were giggling for like 20 minutes while we tried to get all the delicious pieces out. There was one particularly stubborn piece that Rico was working on that he kept bouncing up higher than our heads. I was definitely having a good time with it haha. The coconut milk was amazingly refreshing after a long day, too, although I spilled a lot of it on the ground. There was something super rewarding about eating some nourishment that I had worked on with my bare hands (and my leatherman lol).

Well, I guess I should talk about something sad that happened. Today I came home after going to the grand marche to get some meme tish with Carlos and Papa was MAD. He was totally going off on Amede and I asked Rico what was up and he whispered to me that she had failed her school exams and had to repeat the year next school year. On one hand I was happy to see him taking her education so seriously, but damn, he was pissed. He is still mad and she’s been crying for like 2 hours. Every few minutes he’ll come back to where she is and talk to her…the yelling has decreased which I think is good…but she just looks at the ground and cries. I feel so bad and I don’t really know what to do. I would totally give her a hug if I thought she’d be receptive. I tried to give her a piece of my coconut via Fifa, but she didn’t want it. I just wish people would leave her alone. I am pretty sure she gets it now! I told her just now that she would be okay and she just nodded and her eyes welled up. Man, it totes sucks. She’s now just sitting in the living room with us, but on her own couch and she’s just crying silently, looking down while everyone ignores her. It’s so awful but I don’t know what to do!

A commercial for the Akon concert was just on and everyone was like AHHHH, AKON!!! ELAINA TU L’AIME, OUI?! And I was like YES I like Akon, I want to go to the concert…but papa just smiled and went back to berating Amede. Totes lame sauce.

On the lame sauce note, there wasn’t any peanut butter at school today. Also, I’ve given up with trying to be super careful with my weight while I’m living with my host family. They get all sad when I turn down food and since I’m actually usually able to keep eating…and the food is generally pretty tasty…since we’re talking a giant plate of delicious spicy spaghetti for example…I think I will be a happier person if I just sort of enjoy myself for this last month and I’ll watch my weight once I get to Djougou and I can actually have some control over the amount of oil in the sauce and how many carbs I’m taking in. I just can’t control it now and it doesn’t really help anything for me to be all worried about it, you know? So for now…my 6 pack abs plan is on hold. But I will recommence with it after my birthday and hopefully I’ll be super svelte for my Christmas conjugal visit. haha

Ok, I just started laughing at the very serious soap opera and the whole family looked at me like I was being ridiculously disrespectful of the tres grave situation. But I mean, come on. The music was super intense and then this guy said (dubbed over the Spanish) “No, doctor. That is not my brother” and everyone gasped. It was just hilarious and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

Oh, Rico’s birthday is the same as Colt’s which he was pretty pleased about. He and Fifa were actually planning the meal for when he visits in December and kept asking me if Colt liked various things…meat, beans, fromage, etc. I had a hard time describing his aversion for red meat, but willingness to eat chicken…especially since the best way for me to explain my vegetarianism is to say that I’m a buddhist and it’s forbidden by my religion. Since that’s sort of true, I guess it works.

Ok….so, one of the sisters just said that Papa is going to go to the Akon concert with me…now I am super confused and frustrated with my French. Grrrrr. Tomorrow I will ask him because he is sort of tired right now.

Until next time,

E

Tuesday

So, I am definitely going to Akon on Saturday! Papa said we're going and maybe I can bring Krista and Andrew.

Today we learned about Moringa oleifera. It is a plant that was introduced to Benin in the 60s and many environmental action volunteers here have worked with it since 2000. It has been called the “Miracle Tree” which is a little sensationalistic, but actually pretty appropriate. Moringa has all the essential amino acids, which is super rare for a plant. It also has more potassium, calcium, and vitamins than most other sources. There is statistical evidence that shows that when added to nutritional recuperation programs, there is a higher success rate of increasing weight and improved health for malnourished kids. It is also an extremely effective carbon sink and absorbs a lot more carbon dioxide than many hardwood trees. It can be used as animal food, fertilizer, a natural pesticide, and a way to purify water. So, I’ll be eating this in addition to eggs and wagasi to get all my protein. Yay!

The Proverbial Roller Coaster of Emotion Post

August 18, 2:50pm CST, 20:50 Benin time

I finally just said screw it and took my computer out into the salon to type this while my family is around. My room is locked whenever I’m out and they’ve had volunteers in the past…and I also usually have my computer with me anyway. I just felt that the hassle of having to type in my hot room all by myself was not worth it; it’s much nicer to be out where there is a breeze and I can chat with the fam! They really loved seeing my tiny computer, too. They were cracking up when I showed them all the photos slide show style of my going away party. Maman said Colt was very handsome and I said I’d bring him by to meet them in December. The older uncle was very interested in the price of mon ordinateur, but whatever. Once I get to my house in Djougou I definitely won’t be making myself a target by letting anyone know about my expensive items, but I feel like I’ve been with this family for long enough that I trust them and I always lock my door anyway. It was a judgment call and maybe not everyone would agree with it, but just know that I didn’t make it lightly and I won’t do the same in Djougou.

Anyway. I thought I’d drop a line to just talk about something other than a simple update about my life and the activities that I’ve been up to. At this point, things are feeling pretty mundane and definitely routine. I still have those “whoa Afrique” moments, but I have gone at least two days where I don’t think specifically about the fact that I’m in Africa. So things are pretty normal for me at this point…which is a bit frustrating because in less than a month I’ll be packing it up to go to the opposite side of the country to start over with a new community, but c’est la vie, n’est pas?

I feel more like a manic depressive than I probably ever will again in my life, as one volunteer put it, and that is so true. Within the space of days or even hours, I can go from being completely elated to crying alone in my room. Some days I think “holy shit, I was like BORN to be a Peace Corps volunteer” and I am feeling totally high on life, and then just a little while after that I’m choking up because my host brother said something that reminded me of Lucas. So I thought I’d just make a couple lists of all the good and bad things that make me feel like I’m on the ol’ roller coaster.

THE BAD

-The smell of fish. My family makes it a lot and it is really strong and really disgusting and I cannot escape it in my room.

-The mosquito/other bug bites. I have scratched so much I worry that I might have scars when I’m done!

-Heat rash. Whenever I run/work out I get these little bumps all over my chest and shoulders where my sports bra has rubbed up against me and it’s ugly and itchy and annoys me!

-Constant YOVO-ing. I didn’t think it would bug me, but it kinda does. The kids are still cute, but adults annoy me. Sometimes I yell the word “mesoui” which means “black person” in Fon and they always crack up at that. That’s definitely not the correct spelling of that word and also probably not something I’ll continue with apres service.

-Missing the USA. Sometimes I miss my family or friends and sometimes I miss the food…often I miss both at once and I am super sad that I won’t be there for at least a year. Since I have to come back to interview for med school, I know I’ll be there next fall at some point, so that gives me some hope for a good pizza…or twelve.

-Missing Colt. It’s a special kind of missing that gets its own mention. It’s like the kind of missing where I wake up sometimes and I’ve been dreaming that I’m sleeping next to him and when he’s not there when I open my eyes, there’s nothing but a sort of crushing disappointment. Knowing that we can’t have a routine together again for two years is actually too overwhelming most of the time for me to think about. Instead I think about how he’s coming to visit in December and just think about it in baby steps. That works pretty well, actually. But I tell ya, some days I just feel BAD because of this one.

-Futility. Sometimes..okay, most of the time, I feel like there’s no way that I can possibly make any sort of difference during my time here. I feel like my choice to join the Peace Corps was primarily a selfish one and that it is incredibly naïve and paternalistic of me to think that I could possibly have any lasting impact here. Sometimes just the thought that the Peace Corps presence indicates substandard living, that me being here necessarily states that Benin is ‘not developed’, feels offensive to me. I don’t know. This topic deserves its own entry, but suffice it to say that my perceptions about what a “third world” country is have been a bit rearranged.

-Being hot all the time. There have been like 2 days where I had chilly moments. The rest of the time, I’m like constantly sweating. The temperature is not super hot all the time, but there’s just no escape from it. It’s like 89 degrees or something, which isn’t bad, but when you can’t get out of it…and it’s a mini sauna under the mosquito net…it sucks. The air conditioned computer room at the bureau in Cotonou is like heaven…and I’ve only been there once since I left.

-Bad internet connections. There are very few times when I am so frustrated I want to scream, but when I just want to post a blog or upload one freaking picture and I can’t because it’s such a bad connection, I want to hit someone or burst into tears or both simultaneously.

THE GOOD

-Receiving letters! Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to send me something (Rhonda, Zach and Lucas, Craig, Dana, and Ally, Mommoo!…I thought if I listed the names everyone else would feel un peu guilty and send something, too….haha…make sure to put an extra stamp in there so I can send one back to you!)

-When someone calls me “madam” on the street instead of “yovo.” I don’t mind the little kids singing the song, but it bothers me when adults, especially men being creepers, will say it to get me to come over and buy something. So when I hear a young adult or grown up call me madam I feel bien integre.

-Cadeux-ing something to a kid (gifting). I just like to give little things to kids I know, like the other night I gave the rest of my pineapple to Fifa, my littlest sister, and she was just so freaking psyched about it that it made me appreciate both pineapples and gifts so much more.

-The little goats. They are adorable and while they’re babies, I like them. The grown ups are kind of belligerent and ugly…but I guess it’s the same with people. There’s definitely a reason I want to be a pediatrician…

-A successful zem ride. One where we saluate each other well and we’re friendly and I don’t get overcharged or called yovo and the ride is pleasant and fun. After those zem rides I feel so much a part of the culture I could just pee.

-The tissue. It’s colorful and beautiful and it’s totally the kind of stuff I like to wear in the states already..but it’s everywhere and totally acceptable to have a bright pink and blue skirt/shirt ensemble.

-Rico. My host brother is awesome. He’s a little brat sometimes to his sisters, but he cooks me dinner and helps me learn how to cook Beninese food on the little tiny gas stove in Maman’s room and I helped him with his English homework…and he’s just such a cool dude. He makes me miss my brothers A LOT, but it’s nice to have a kid around that age to make a connection with. When he saluates with me I just feel a surge of happiness.

-Phone calls from home. Colt, mom, dad, whoever. When my phone rings I am sooo psyched!

-Waking up in the morning feeling like I got a good night’s sleep and not feeling too hot or uncomfortable. Sometimes just before my alarm goes off, I’ll wake up and feel really content, just feeling at a good temperature and like I’ve slept well. Those mornings I wake up and roll out my yoga mat and do some sun salutations avant le journee. C’est bon.

-Wagasi. If it’s good…and I actually have not had any wagasi since the hotel in Cotonou that I thought WASN’T good, it is really good. I’m not sure if it’s just the fact that it’s the seulment cheese I can get in Benin easily, or if it’s legit good…I sort of think the former a la veggie dogs in the states…but I really like it and when I get a repas avec some wagasi in it I am stoked.

-Random English songs. I hear them sometimes while I’m walking down the street or on the radio behind my house and every time I think “I totally know what that song is saying…and probably none of these people do!” It makes me feel kinda cool like I have a secret ability or something. A super power.

Ok, well that’s it for now. I’m happy to see that I have more good things than bad. I guess that’s why I’m still here, n’est pas? I met my postmate, Doug, today. He seems like fun guy and I’ve read his girlfriend’s blog for a year. She’s posted in Ze in the south, but comes up to Djougou once a month, so I’ll probablement be seeing her around un peu.

Friday we have our update language interview/test and I probably won’t get online again until after I know where I’m sitting. My goal is to reach my final level now (intermediate high) so that I can start learning Dendi, the most common local language in Djougou. I think I have a small chance of doing that, but most likely I’ll be put in intermediate low and have to continue with French, which would be fine, I guess since pretty much everyone uses French in Djougou. I am just sort of tired of French lessons and would like to learn something new. One of the volunteers said that I could ask to have some of my lessons perhaps be Dendi and the others be French, even if I don’t make it to intermediate high…so we’ll see. (On va voir) Wish me luck (bonne chance!)

I miss and love you all; send me stuff if you miss and love me too. I looove cadeaux. Also it’s my birthday in less than a month and it takes like a month for packages and letters to get here. Just sayin’.

E

Spiders, zemis, and yovos galore!

July 23rd, 3:50pm CST, 9:50pm Beninese temps, Porto Novo

Today was an interesting day. My host sister, Amelie, helped me call over a zemidjian, but it was not an 'official' one. The ones who are registered and have training wear blue shirts with identifying numbers on them and baseball caps. This guy had the cap but not the blue shirt, but Amelie flagged him down and negotiated a price before I could say anything...and I wasn't even sure at the time how to say that i needed the official ones. So I said, hey, whatevs, and je prends cette zemi comme personne avant moi. And of course everything was tres bien.

Apres l'ecole, I had to get a zemi back to the house, which was an interesting problem since I had really had no idea where to go. One of my (apparently two) host mamans explained where the maison was, but hell, I couldnt' explain it to a zemi. So luckily there was a current PCV hanging out a Songhai and she helped explain that my house was proche l'ecole Davie at the end of the road. The zemi said okay and I hopped on with my sweet ass helmet (ma cas). It was pretty embarrassing, though, because he kept asking me, "vous connaissez?" ("you recognize anything?") and I kept saying "non" (nope!). Finally he rounded a corner and I saw the gigantic pink mosque that is a block from the house (and the muezzin call goes every few hours...I haven't figured out the schedule, but I will not soon forget the dulcet sounds in the wee hours of the morning!). I told him to stop and then thanked him profusely while he laughed and I paid him the deux cent francs.

That whole laughing at me thing seems to happen a lot here and I'm sort of enjoying it in a strange way. I mean, some of this shit is pretty damn funny. For example, this evening there was a fucking huge spider in my room. And naturally, I have this aversion for killing spiders. It's not a "I love nature and don't want to harm God's creatures" aversion, but more of a "I don't want it to scurry away and hide or jump on me or touch me with it's freaky legs" aversion. So I contemplated this spider as he chillaxed on my hundred dollar Chacos. We were at an impasse for probably a good fifteen minutes. I considered going to find Amelie...then decided I needed to man up because there wasn't always going to be a nice African waiting for me to utilize her spider killing services. I prepared myself to kill it and then realized that it was sitting on my shoes that I would have otherwise used to smush it. I decided then that perhaps my petite problem might be funny and I could use it as a bonding experience since I have yet to bond over my impeccable francais. I grabbed my handy dandy french dictionary while keeping that deceptively still spider in my sights and then made my way through the giant maison to trouve Amelie. Well, Amelie just happened to be on her way out and I told her there was a huge araignee dans ma chambre and that I had fear of it. She seriously started cracking up when she saw it. Her laughter brought Ricardo running and that attracted the attention of Estelle and Genevieve and at least two or three other neighborhood kids who were all in the livingroom watching the french dubbed version of an Argentinian Days of our Lives...and they all laughed and jumped up and down and teased me mercilessly saying it was "tres petite" and Amelie smushed it with her hand and brandished it in front of me just as Maman entered my little room with a low chuckle...and what the hell else was i supposed to do but just laugh with them? I am still grinning like a dork now that they are all gone. But, shit, it was pretty big.

I'm telling you, life is pretty freaking hilarious.
E

Sunday, July 25, 9:02am Beninese time/3:02am CST, Porto Novo

I am officially ill for the first time in Africa. Yay! I think it is less an actual infection and more just getting used to the food, but I stayed home today while the fam went to church because something I ate yesterday did not agree with me and I feel pretty crappy.

I filtered and boiled my first batch of water on my own; I definitely had to pick out a floating ant this morning when I poured it into my water bottle...so...yum! I have 5 liters stored now which should last me a few days and I’ve filtered like 6 more liters that can be boiled and stored in a couple other water bottles. I wasn’t brave enough to drink it plain, so I added a pomegranite lemonade packet to it and it is bon!

In the spirit of doing new things, I fait les lessives hier...(did the laundry yesterday) which was pretty ridiculous. I asked Maman Ramone (the younger, 2nd wife who usually cooks and does most of the work from what I can tell) if she could show me how to do it and she said something really fast and gestured to the patio and after about 5 minutes of me trying to repeat back her words and her getting frustrated that I did not comprends, I finally burst out in English, “I’ll bring out my clothes and you’ll show me how?!” And she smiled and said “yes.” AHHHHHHHHhh, so annoying! So I brought out my laundry and she told Amelie to take me to buy a bar of laundry soap and then we spent like an hour doing half of my laundry. I soaped up a shirt and then scrubbed it hard and then she’d take it and do it, too and then rinse it and go hang it. She had this very interesting complex system, too, of buckets and water and savon (soap). I realized that as the rinse bucket would get more sudsy and the first couple wash buckets got more dirty, the rinse bucket would become an additional wash bucket and another bucket with fresh water would be added on to become the rinse bucket. After doing like 10 items, we had basically used 5 buckets. It was pretty cool actually and much more efficient than I would have been able to figure out on my own. But dang, my arms got tired! I told Maman that and she and Amelie cracked up. They let me do it by myself for a bit (because Maman said I had to learn because I’d be alone at post), but I don’t think neither she nor Amelie could handle how slow I was, haha. So Amelie helped me finish while Maman went to preparer mon diner. I think she said something about how I was going to help her do it next Sunday (but not today because she was going to Cotonou).

I visited Craig and Heather yesterday at their sweet digs. They are staying with an older couple with an adult son who lives there, but their other kids live in Paris. They are very successful and have a lot of money and servants (called domestiques) to cook and clean. It’s very different then my experience; they have the entire downstairs to themselves! I hung out there for a while and chatted about wedding planning and stage and found out from Heather that instead of the $200 per month that goes toward our readjustment allowance, we actually get $275 because Obama increased our budget. So instead of $6000 at the end of service, volunteers get closer to $7400! Sweetness. Craig and Heather are considering perhaps doing a third year, too, which pays a bit more...so when they COSd (Close of Service), they’d have total upwards of like 20 grand. WHOA, haha. See, Colt totally should have come!

So far, the bug situation is thus: GIANT spider, freaky huge moth thing on my door last night, cockroaches in the bathroom at night and one died there and I don’t want to touch it, millions of ants that I sprayed with bug spray and they freaked out...and I don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but THERE WAS A SCORPION! In the livingroom a couple days ago, I saw it and knew immediately what it was, but asked Amelie, pointing, “qu’est-ce que c’est?” and she saw it and jumped up and stomped on it with HER BARE FOOT! It was like a clearish, light brown color and about two inches long and they move soooo weirdly, like their whole body turns in a perfect circle. I asked Amelie afterward if there were a lot of scorpions here and she said, “NON. C’etait une seul” (“that was the ONLY one”). So apparently that was the only scorpion in Benin, so I should be good. Ha ha. But damn, she’s such a bad ass, n’est pas?

I talked to mom, zach, and lucas last night! Yay! The boys didn’t have much to say, but I told them a bit about where I’m living. Mom says they need more perspective to really get it, so she ordered Blood Diamond from Blockbuster. It’s not that VIOLENT here, so dont’ get the wrong idea! Everyone is super nice and in general, Beninese culture is very welcoming and open to yovos. That said, I did get a sexual invitation from a stranger the other day, haha. There’s a gesture that rude Beninese men will do to women when they’re shaking hands if they are beeing skeezy creepers; it’s like rubbing one finger against the woman’s palm during the hand shake. Anyway, there was some teenage boy outside the school who smiled and said good morning and offered his palm and I was with a bunch of other yovos and Peace Corps people, so there was nothing sketch about it, so I took it and he totes whipped out the dirty finger move. It’s really impolite and they know it is, so I just exclaimed “non!” and yanked my hand away before continuing on my way, which is what we’re supposed to do. So, yay! I get to check that one off the list. Another volunteer said it took her a year to get it, so I must just be very advanced haha.

I suppose there is some bad news to report. One of the trainees in the health sector has decided to early terminate (ET). Word on the street is that he really missed his boyfriend and being away from him made him realize how much he needed to be with him and that the work he would be doing here was not important enough to him to stay. So, that kind of shakes the resolve, you know? I heard that someone has a bingo card of all the trainees who are expected to ET and that I’m on the list...but I am pretty sure that all the people with serious relationships are on it. I mean, look. I know I can make it through swear-in in September and for a while at post for sure. But honestly, once I’m in my village and I see what I’ll be doing for the next two years, I will have to re-evaluate. Not just because of my relationship, but because I want to make sure that the work I’ll be doing is significant and helpful and that I can be accepted into the community. They actually recommend that you take time at the one year mark to make sure that you can be successful where you are for another year. So in March I’ll decide if I’ll stay the entire time or if I’ll come back in the summer. There’s really no way to know for sure until I’ve been at post for several months.

On a happier note, it’s really freaky and cool to meet the people whose blogs I’ve been reading for a year. I sort of feel like they are celebrities or something. I wonder if anyone will feel that way about my little old blog someday?

I’ve been reading “Where there is no Doctor” and it’s pretty interesting. My goal is still to assist with a birth and actually catch a baby being born. We’ll see, I have a long time to go before I’m at that point. I’m just making it day to day...and I am so happy that I can just relax today and not worry about getting to school on time. I think it’s worth it even if I have to run to the bathroom every hour.

Well, i think I’ll be able to post this on Tuesday at Songhai. A bientot,
Elaina

July 26th, 1:32pm CST/19:32 temps de Beninois, Porto Novo

Well. The stomach problems persisted until today. I almost wasn’t sure I could make it to school...but fortunately I’ve had no issues since this morning. That’s one thing about Peace Corps Benin I’ve noticed—everyone pretty casually discusses their poop situation. It’s pretty hilarious now that I think about it. I’ve tried to be relatively vague on here, but digestion is definitely a hot topic of discussion among the volunteers and trainees!

Today for lunch I mange’d an avocado sandwich (ok, so I’m leaving the word “mange’d” just to indicate the weird level of ‘franglais’ that I’ve been thinking in. Manger is the word “to eat” and I actually forgot the word ‘avocado’ just now and could only remember the french word ‘avocat’. It’s a weird state of being, actually. Hmm.) Anyway, it was tres bien with lettuce and onions and vinaigrette on a demi-pain (half of a huge baguette). It sat ok in my stomach and then I pris (see I did it again! Pris is the past participle of prendre. Prendre means “to take” or “to get”), I got some “fanmilk” which is the closest thing to ice-cream here. I got the yogurt version because with my tummy trouble I thought adding a bunch of lactose would be a bad idea (and yogurt has the enzymes to break down lactose and has not ever been a problem for me). It was soooo good, but definitely tasted very yogurty. But it’s better for my stomach than the regular one. But anyway, these fanmilk guys go around with their super cold trunk on a bike and honk this very distinctive horn. It’s a lot like the ice cream truck guy in the US. It’s super cheap and they always have petite monnaie (change for big bills, which is a bitch to find here).

Today we were at Songhai and for the first time I chose to hang out with some other stagaiers instead of stay there and get on the internet. I know I am going tomorrow, so it’s okay, but I feel a little bad because I told Colt I’d be on so we could skype chat or something and save him some money since it’s so expensive to call. But I gave him a ring and told him I wasn’t going and he was totes still sleeping, so I don’t think he minded waiting until tomorrow. I went to the marche (“mar-SHAY”...I can’t figure out accents with this computer grrrr) with Heather and Craig (the Wiricks from now on when I’m talking about both of them haha). It was just a short walk from Songhai and it was a freaking crazy place! Many many people selling lots and lots of stuff! There is a lot of cheap plastic stuff in the stalls and they will try to overcharge the yovos like mad. Heather wanted a powercord, but we couldn’t find any which is a lot different than the marche in Cotonou where there seemed to be power cords in every stall! I am on the lookout for a nice coin purse to keep my money, but I haven’t found anything besides cheap plastic ones. I want something that will last...so I’d be willing to pay like a mille franc for one. Which..is like $2, but it feels more like $10 to me at this point! I’m doing really well with understanding the money, a lot better than some of the other volunteers it seems. It’s very intuitive for me and I don’t have to think of it in US dollars at all at this point. I know what a decent price for most stuff is, but I’m definitely still learning. Heather tried to haggle down the price of clothespins, but was unsuccessful and it’s hard for us to know if that’s because we’re yovos or because the seemingly high price is just actually a reasonable price.

Related to les prix, I had my first major transaction today. I called over and got my first zemi on my own! I asked how much it would be and that my maison was a cote d’ecole Davie (next to the school Davie—“Dah-vee-ay”) and he said yes and that it would be 2 hundred franc. So, me, surprised that he gave the legitimate price right off the bat, said “ok” and hopped on. Well....we drove about 5 minutes and he stops and says “voila...xavier.” And I’m like “Non non non, DAVIE, pas XAVIER” and he’s like “OOOOHHH, DAAAVIE, ok” and we keep going, but I’m thinking “he’s going to charge me a lot more, but deux cents francs is the correct price”. I know what I’ve been taught, too, so when we finally stop and he asks for 500F I know he is trying to swindle me. So I said “You said ‘2 hundred’ so I am going to give you 2 hundred.” And he’s all pissed and tries to get more out of me and I say, “I KNOW the price, I live in Porto Novo. I will give you 2 hundred.” And he acts all grumpy while I get my money out and I throw in a 50F piece with it and he smiles and thanks me and I thank him back. So I paid a little bit more, but to be fair, he WAS confused about what I had said...but that generosity was definitely not going to get me to pay over twice as much as I KNOW the route really is. But yeah, that whole thing made me feel super bad ass. I totes did it all by myself. Woo hoo!

I recounted the story to my host family when I came inside, but before I could finish, the war hit! Ricardo, my host brother of 12 ans, and my host sis, Genevieve, 13 ans, totally started physically beating the shit out of each other in the other room. Another one of my host sisters, an older one who I don’t think always lives there, but sometimes does, jumped up to separate them and Amelie came over and chatted casually with me about the zemi thing! We left the room and I said I was going to take a shower, so I went outside to the well (la puis I think is the word) to get my water. While I was outside, Ricardo came out and said “bonsoir Elaina” all sweet, and walked by me to the back of the yard. I smiled and kept drawing out the water and when he came back by to go back inside he smiled back as he sauntered by, carrying this huge metal two by four. A minute or so later I finished up and followed, and came in to find the older sister, Genevieve, and Rico all entangled up with the two by four and some wooden implement of Gene’s, the older sister’s pagne (wrap around skirt) was totally falling off of her as they battled down the hall. Amelie came up to me and was cracking up. She said “ils se battent!” which means, interestingly “they are battling!” and I just nodded. After a bit, they calmed down and separated and I asked her if it was normal and she sort of laughed and said “that’s Ricardo!” She also told me that he had disrespected his sister and she got mad...but I didn’t really understand exactly what had gone down. But it was pretty wild. I called Rico over and asked him if he was not happy. He said he was “fache” which means “angry” and I said that sisters can be difficult. He agreed and I told him I understood because I had 5 brothers back home. He just sighed and when I asked if he would be okay he just nodded and said “ouais” (like saying “yeah” instead of “yes”). It was pretty trippy. Hitting in this culture is pretty commonplace, especially in the home, but I’m glad the big sister tried to stop it at least. Even if it’s normal for parents to beat their kids (frappe les enfants), it’s not good for brother and sister to wail on each other. Anyway, it was pretty wild. I can hear them all talking very animatedly now and Papa is home and he does not sound too happy about it lol.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll definitely be online tomorrow evening when we finish up at Songhai. I think i’ll be on for probably an hour at least, so i can update the blog and do the facebook thing. Maybe I’ll even have time to check my email! It hasn’t been working lately because I need to change it to HTML or something...hopefully I’ll get that taken care of tomorrow, but if you’ve sent me emails and I haven’t responded, that’s why! Facebook message me for now and I’ll let you know when gmail is working for me!

Oh and I decorated ma cas (my moto helmet) and everyone thinks it looks banging. I will get a photo of it before it fades. My photo situation is pretty lame right now...I’ve taken...zero photos of Africa haha. I’m just so overwhelmed so much of the time and it’s impolite here to take photos without getting peoples permission first, so that’s kind of limiting...also it takes like an hour to upload 5 pictures, so I’m not sure it’s going to work anyway. I think I might ask people to send me memory cards and I’ll just take the pictures and then send the memory cards back and Colt can put them up for me or something. We’ll see what works best. Also, I can’t find the flash drive that I stole from my puppy...which really just seems like karma to me.

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL. CALL ME SOMETIME OR SEND ME A LETTER!

A tout a l’heure,
E

it's just a little vacation

We have about an hour until check out from the hotel and then there's a few hours of "free time" to explore Philadelphia/find a starbucks before we have to hop on a bus and drive the New York airport where we will hang out until 11:30pm tonight when we climb aboard the aeroplane that will deliver us to the mother land by way of Paris.

Until then, I am chillaxing for a bit. I need to send a couple things back home (birth certificate, etc) and find a Subway because I have decided my last meal is going to be a foot long veggie sub sandwich with provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumbers, banana peppers, green bell peppers, olives, mayonnaise, and mustard on wheat! Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I woke up early, called C, wished I could conjure coffee, showered, and repacked before heading off to the federal building down the street for shots, and not the fun ones. It actually wasn't bad; we went through security, saw some cool FBI dudes with guns, and got one yellow fever shot. It ain't no thang.

Missing you know who like mad, texted with brother Zach for a bit and realized he'll be a teenager the next time I see him, cried a bit in the shower, but all in all, I'm feeling better than yesterday. I was hungry and tired (well, i'm still hungry I guess) and for some reason the immensity of this whole thing seemed a bit more...well, immense than it really is. But in reality, it's not too bad and it's going to be a great adventure. Colt says to take it one day at a time and I think I just might be able to do that. Talking about him a bit has made me feel a lot better, too. I chatted with my roommate about being engaged and what he's doing for school and strangely enough, missing him doesn't feel so sad in this moment. So yay for that!

Ok, I think I'm off to discover a starbucks. Mmmmm, coffee. Gonna miss that almost as much as DIET COKE.

Elaina

crying in philly

Everyone is awesome; so much cooler and awesome than me!

I'm just the sad girl with the diamond ring.

But tomorrow will be better.

Elaina